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Dropping in to say quick hi, Thinking of you @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 I'm sorry I can't be more for you guys here. Don't know how to help, what to say, just popping in to say goodnight, to wish you rest 🙏 ((((hugzz))))
I have been thinking about you a lot Hon and the situation you are in. There are no easy or quick answers for you and a lot you have to consider. What I do know is that you need to make the right decisions for yourself now and in doing so you need to also protect yourself. Mr has made it quite obvious that he is moving on despite everything you have done to keep the family together. This becomes so much harder now for you as you are the sole link in the chain keeping everyone together. It is also a massive responsibility that you are faced with especially with your baby dragons. You have 2 in the east that are still struggling as well as ongoing care for D2. None of them are in a position currently to stand on their own but maybe without the constant pressure from Mr they may have more space to break out of their shells and grow.
Following along with both yours and the baby dragons’ journeys it has been apparent from the outside that Mr’s control and pressure has inevitably added to the stress and anxiety that you all have felt. ….and whilst him not being around because of his choices may initially be hard to take – I believe it may actually be the making of your baby dragons. S2 and D3 both need care, love and understanding – some of which Mr has been unable to provide but you have shown you have in abundance. For that reason I do think it will be a much safer and accepting environment for your baby dragons without Mr there. There will inevitably be massive fallout initially from Mr’s betrayal for all of you – and I include you in that fallout Hon. …and you have the right to grieve too. It is not just a separation from growing apart but a betrayal of your trust in what he has done – that is unforgivable in my opinion. To me that shows his selfishness and lack of value to you and the family. I look back on all his control and aggression and feel so sad that you have all had to go through that whilst he has been leading a double life elsewhere. Whilst his ED may have been a contributing factor I believe his true nature is now showing through – he needs to control others to feel in control himself, he needs constant validation rather than questioning of his actions and he needs to feel that he is the most important person in everyone else’s life.
You have been in an abusive marriage for a long time and that takes its toll on everyone. Mr leaving I see as the biggest positive for you and your kids in being able to move forward in your lives without fear and with freedom. You now have the chance to break free of all that and move ahead with a life that is yours. You can achieve all those things you had to give up and you can pursue those dreams you once thought lost. This could be the start of a better life for you Hon.
I do totally acknowledge that none of this is easy and the road ahead will be difficult still to navigate. There are a lot of decision to be made, hurdles to jump over, living arrangements to be considered and financial considerations to be agreed upon. Protect yourself in all of that Hon – you have held everyone together for a long time and you deserve to be not only compensated for that but also not to lose anything in the process. What I hope for out of all of this is a better, happier life where you can make decisions for yourself that will lead to a better life for you. You not only deserve that but should now expect it for yourself also.
I have never met such a wonderful, caring, resilient and courageous person as you Hon – someone that constantly puts other’s needs in front of their own but also continues to follow your passions. You are a wonderful role model for both your kids and everyone here – you make a difference in lives by just being you and that is ultimately all one can ask. Now though is the time for you – to work out what you need, work out what you want and work out how to move forward. All those decisions are really hard ones but be true to yourself and I have no doubt you will walk through all that with your usual dignity, grace and strength.
