Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@suzanneGosh, I don't even have a therapist.

My doctor in hospital recommended getting one, but my regular psychiatrist hasn't mentioned it to me and I haven't felt comfortable to bring it up. (I'm not good at admitting things I need help for and being vulnerable. I'm also terrified of what she will say - that I'm a worthless person who's broken and will never be 'normal'.)

But I do want a therapist and that is the reason why.

Someone on another thread suggested to me writing stuff out and handing it over. I did that in hospital and it was very awkward. I'm not sure I'll do it again.

Why am I such a crap, useless. worthless human being? What's wrong with me? Why do I have these problems and why not other people? Pleanty of people have been through my experiences and don't have problems.

[suzanne]

You don't need to get permission from your Psychiatrist to see a Psychologist or therapist @Former-Member Your GP can give you a referral.  Or maybe you can go through 1800 respect to find someone who really gets the original trauma.  Someone who understands that you've been harmed but you're not damaged or worthless.  Quite the opposite.  

It's not possible to emerge from that experience completely unscathed so you are certainly not alone in being affected.  Others may make it look better on the surface but these things still find a way of playing out across our lives until we address them.  Try not to judge your insides against other people's outsides. 

Maybe it's not courage you need.  Maybe it's valuing yourself enough to recognise that you deserve good help to heal.  And later on, to be loved and have others to love.  I hope that if you hang out here with us enough you'll get there.

[Former-Member]

My GP and Psychiatrist are in close communication. (Which is a good thing) He would want to know why I didn't ask her.
I really should just do the therapy that the hospital psyc suggested. But it looks like I'm going to need to ask for the referral. And then admit how f-ed up I am.
Arrggghhhh!

[Change123]

@Former-Member 

You are not alone, I too struggle with closeness and intimacy and no trust in people what so ever.

From 8 my father was abusive physcially, emotionally, and mentally, my mother a narcassist who didnt care and just enabled him, my sister the same, at the age of 8 my sister's boyfriend was beating her up and I tried to save her with an umbrella ( I was only about 6) and he nearly beat me up, my mothers boyfriend after my parents split up was total pyscho who used to try and hypnotise us and use it to his advantage and so many more bad instances with men in general.

Most of my issues with my partner is because of these issues and I feel to scared to confide in him about my feelings and tend to treat him sometimes like I'm getting back at the others.  I also had a horrible uncle at the age of 8 who tried to tongue kiss me all the time so now I have issues with my partner about kissing and have real problems to the extent of having anxiety attacks whilst trying.

So believe me I feel as screwed up as you, maybe others feel just the same but are unable to voice it so they seem strong but its just a mask. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep trying. 

Maybe with this cute guy just take little steps to build your confidence, start talking to him more and more slowly until you feel more comfortable ro say what you want. 

Take care

[Former-Member]

How funny.

The place that offers the therapy I was recommended to do just returned my call.

I still need a referral, but I now have some names for therapists I could contact.

I still don't know how to admit I need therapy. I'm not depressed so it's weird to me to have to admit that things still aren't great.

[Former-Member]

It's been a FML day today.
Go to my psychiatrist - get told I need to see a cardiologist.
Go to my GP to get my sugars checked - walk out with a diagnosis of cataracts and a referral to an ophthalmologist for further eye problems and get told I have to come back for a biopsy of a potential skin cancer.
It's just not my day. 😣

[Former-Member]

So, I worked out today that I have 10 weeks on my contract left.

Gosh, I cannot cope with having to search for another job. I cannot cope with that stress.

Having no money, having to explain gaps in my resume, having to apply for shitty boring jobs. 

And I got told by a therapist that she wouldn't see me cause I've had episodes of psychosis. Great! So I finally convince myself to contact a therapist and put myself out there and she won't even see me. Apparently this type of therapy isn't suitable for people who've had psychosis. 

FML.

I'm done whinging now, thanks for listening!

[Former-Member]

Think I may have to meet you in the beer garden @Former-Member and we can get out out frustrations over a drink. Yours doesn't have to be alcoholic but mine does!!!!

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

I think that this thread is great and what you have planned as well as your job all good.

To find someone at work cute what a bonus!

smile and let him know. friendship is a good way to start a relationship. Having a new friend is a good thing, if you connect take it from there, if not hopefully the friendship is still there. No rush.

Always remember if he is a nice person, he will probably be having nervous thoughts too.

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member @Former-Member @Change123 @suzanne @Lunar

I am so sorry, i have just read your later posts.

I sincerely hope that I have not further exacerbated your feelings.

This is one of the hardest things I experience on this site. Posting something only to find that another response has been already made.

I do hope that you are ok.