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11-12-2019 06:25 PM
11-12-2019 06:25 PM
Re: not feeling good
after calling my doctor I went fir a short walk. Didn't make me feel better.
not taking my meds is something I've done before. Call me stupid silly whatever you like. I do it becayse it's a cry out for help. I know it's wrong and I'm bad for doing it.
I wish I could scream
i can't get a break
I don't know what I want
I'm sorry I just want to run away from life
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11-12-2019 07:01 PM
11-12-2019 07:01 PM
Re: not feeling good
Sitting with you @BlueBay
Please take your meds, it only makes things worse for you if you dont take them. You mentioned that you spoke to your Dr earlier. Did you tell them that you were not taking your meds? Any advice?
You have a good understanding and repoire with your dietician, would it help to see or speak with them?
Sherry 💖
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11-12-2019 07:13 PM
11-12-2019 07:13 PM
Re: not feeling good
@Former-Member I wasn't thinking right early this afternoon. Rang my doctor and he suggested I tske my meds.
I am seeing my exercise physiologist tomorrow and dietitian Friday. They both have been very supportive of my mental health.
I'll take tonight's med
why do I do this?
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11-12-2019 07:51 PM
11-12-2019 07:51 PM
Re: not feeling good
You do it because it helps @BlueBay .... and well done to you. 😀
Im glad both your ex phys and dietician have been helpful to you. Allow them to help you through.
Sherry💕
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11-12-2019 07:58 PM
11-12-2019 07:58 PM
Re: not feeling good
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12-12-2019 02:37 AM
12-12-2019 02:37 AM
Re: not feeling good
Sigh @BlueBay
You didn't take you medication but you told us, rang your doctor, went for a walk and took your tablets - that doesn't sound stupid to me - actually it sounds pretty good.
I'm still getting over the tough patch I had so my guess is that you still need too give yourself time and be kind to yourself
You don't need to cry out for help now - you have just shown that you can reach out and ask for it as you did yesterday - well done - I'm proud of you
You do know what you want - you want to be able to get on with your tasks at home and at work an be treated with respect - we all want that
I hope you sleep well and wake up feeling better
Dec
👍💐🌺💙🦉
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12-12-2019 07:36 AM
12-12-2019 07:36 AM
Re: not feeling good
Hi @Owlunar i disappoint myself so much. I get so angry with myself. I know I do it. And it's getting to be more often now that I'm stopping. I really don't know Whst to do. People tell me "just take them" if only it was that easy. For me at the moment it's a self sabotage thing. It's hard to explain.
I'm being very honest here - I do it to self harm myself. Is it payback? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe in my head I think - stuff everyone I know how it feels to have BPD and this is one bad thing I do. I get so messed up in my head.
Ok I'm angry. At my brother more so than the other two guys. But then my neighbour must have planned it out to do what he did.
So I need to let it go. There's something in me thst is struggling to let go.
fear. Yes so much fear. Guilt. Why me.
I need it to stop. I can't keep going like this.
I wish I coukd get a hug from you. No one else gives me hugs. I want to feel protected loved cared. 😢😢
im sorry. I'm just not good this mirning.
ive got a lot of sciatica psin. Physio says I've got bursitis on my hip. Pain goes down my leg from my back. I can't sleep on that side. Walking hurts. So much for exercise.
Things always feel like nothing is getting brighter or better.
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12-12-2019 04:26 PM
12-12-2019 04:26 PM
Re: not feeling good
Hi everyone @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Former-Member @MDT and others following
i saw my exercise physiologist this afternoon. He was asking me how I was after last week emotional breakdown. We finished the group today but he is going to take me on as a one on one for however long it takes. I thought I wouldn't see him anymore and therefore stop the exercises but he said he won't get rid of me.
I couldn't do any gym class today as my back and hip is giving me trouble.
even walking is hurting. So I have to do light stretches and a small walk but no more.
I'm seeing my dietitian tomorrow after work. This will be interesting as I've gotten worse eith my eating. Will see what happens.
I'm very lucky to have such great support at the community centre. All of them working at the same place.
the psychologist is free. The dietitian is $10 sbd the exercises and physio are $6 fir an hour. All fantastic support.
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12-12-2019 04:43 PM
12-12-2019 04:43 PM
Re: not feeling good
I don't know either @BlueBay but maybe deep inside where you can't reach you are afraid that if you stop self-sobotaging behavior you will get well and stand on your own two feet and although you want that it's unknown country and it's scary
Maybe we would all like to be protected and cared for but in adult life we have to care about ourselves and as for love - yes - we all need to be loved and to have someone to love. But in truth we have to learn how to love ourselves to be sure of it
You know already you have to let your mother and your abusers go - that doesn't mean those things didn't matter - they do - but holding onto the past is destroying you and that's not good - it's all stopping you from living your life to your capacity
Sending mire hugs
Dec 🦉
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12-12-2019 06:15 PM
12-12-2019 06:15 PM