Lived Experience Forum

[seamusunsean]

Gday im 45 just coming out of a divorce where my children have been systematically taken from me after being a stay at home dad for around seven years. My ex walked out claiming she was living a single life anyway . I kept the kids but started to struggle when she locked me out of our joint account . I was in shock and not copping . Her parents bought her a new house . I was struggling to keep food on the table and pay the bills when i decided maybe it would be best if the kids lived with there mum who had financial backing of her parents . Thats when the lawyer letters started claiming i was mentally unfit to see my children...anyway long story ive basically lost every thing now with a 20,000 debt and still dont get to see my kids ...the courts dont even seem to care about anything i have to say im constantly agreeingto her demands to at least get a supervised visit or phone call....now im giving up feeling like the system agrees with her and im better off out of the picture ...ive started saying goodbyes to friends and family ...my heart constantly aches for my boys ..ive missed so much already ...sick of crying and cant function...last ditch effort.

[esprit]

Hi I'm glad you posted. don't give up. No matter how much money she has your kids need you and love you. Fight for them. Get your strength from your kids love. If you know your a good father at the end of the day that's all that matters. Do everything you can to keep them in your life. The grief your feeling does get easier. They need you. Take care of yourself and your health. It's such a horrible time but it does get better in time. Maybe you need some support. I feel as if you might get benefit from seeing your GP Best wishes.

[Kurra]

I'm glad you found our forums @seamusunsean. We're here to help as much as we can.

Have you seen any doctors about this way you're feeling? I'd really like you to have a chat to LifeLine 13 11 14 They are available 24 hours a day, every day.

Have you been to a solicitor? As you've been a stay at home Dad for so long and the ex walked away leaving the children with you it seems to me that she needs to prove why she was happy to let you bring them up and only claimed you were unfit when for financial reasons you returned them to her. That is a man who considered the best interests of his children first. I feel deeply for you as that is an enormous loss to bear.

Please fight against what has happened because the laws of our land are very clear. Whether you're mentally unfit or not can only be determined by a psychiatrist and written documents to a court from your psychiatrist as well as other supporting documentation.

Please contact Legal Aid for assistance. This is not a case that can be solved without legal help.

Above all else this is not the time to give up on you or your children. They need you now so please start talking to your GP and ask for a mental health plan so you can see a psychologist on Medicare. All these professionals are there to help you. A solicitor will help you with arranging Financial
Orders which determines how joint assets and all other things including the joint bank account will be divided.

It's a devestating situation for you and the pain is huge but you do have a future with your children and it's really important for you to try to hold on and get the help you need now.

Take care and keep writing to us because we do care. Quite a few people here have gone through the same sort of thing so there is true understanding here of how awful all this must be for you.

Here's a big hug to say I care.

[seamusunsean]

Thanks jar but fighting seemed to make things worse ive stopped jumping through her hoops now and hope my boys will know the truth ...ive given her an excuse to use why i cant see them anymore wether its what she tells them i dont know ..i said to say ive had to go away to find work...wich is partly true but i cant work keep breaking down when i thi nm k of them or what i might be missing . See what tomorrow brings hey.

[seamusunsean]

No legal aid in family court dont have to swear by your statements....been to several gps and psychologists even a forensic one ..one gp early on mentioned id thought of suicide in his report and her lawyers had a feild day ...i mentioned in a text that it was like i was bipolar ...bang more mental health report requests from her lawyers ...i tell ya doesnt pay to tell the truth in the legal system ...those that tell the biggest lies and tell them first get rewarded it seems ...you kbow what really hurts is she tells everyone shes doing it for our boys...go figure ..my youngest 7 cries most times when he has to leave ...eldest 10 is just very quiet about it doesnt want to talk about it..breaks my heart

[Princessmolly]

Oh my goodness i havent read all the commebts but coming frim someine who has a parent that has taken their life....please dont ever give up, dont let her win like that....do the best you can and one day things will be easier. You are the bigger person here and it may not be easy for them to see that now but they will miss you so much if you leave them

[Former-Member]

Hello dear @seamusunsean

As @Princessmolly said never give up - as it will shatter your children and have negative psychological and emotional adverse impacts on them for the rest of their lives if you were to suicide. They would believe that you didn't love them enough to stay (have been through it). And it will effect their self esteem. They only have one father and will need you in their lives. I know you love them and want the best for them - don't give up for their sakes.

I have known quite a few people who received legal aid in the family law court system. I don't know where you live but the community centre where I work offers free legal advice and counselling. Please ring around your local community centres and charity organisations. Tell them the financial and emotional distress you are in - tell them everything and ask where you can gain adequate legal assistance. Don't give up until you find it.

It can be devastating what you are going through and gaining help the above way is so important for you. We are here for you also. But the main victims here are the children and their welfare must come first. I know you will fight for them and not give up because you love them. It's hard now but in time it will get easier and you will eventually have access to your children as well. You have rights - you just need to exercise them by doing the above and find the right legal representation. Don't give up - it will all work out in the end.

[esprit]

You poor thing. I've been there. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better. All I know is the old adage that time heals is true. All kids want is for their parents to be happy which also makes me feel guilty and ashamed sometimes but also I know it teaches them compassion and empathy which is a good thing. Just be the best dad you can be. You can do it. My psychologist said to me once fake it till you make it in regards to my behaviour in front of kids. It worked If your wife is a decent person she will realise one day how important you are to her kids well being. It sounds like her underlying reasons is money! I don't know about anyone else feelings about it but it's disgusting when people use another's mental health against them. Keep looking for some to help you.

[Former-Member]

hi @seamusunsean 

Ive been going through the family court system for the last 3 years. ugh. its extrememly traumatising in itself.. without the rest of it to get through. I have so much i want to reply but i have to go out in a minute. However you can get legal aid for family court, i had it last year for a little while while i wasnt working. Don't give up. 

i hope you have a phone call/access with your kids soon,

take care

lj

[NikNik]

Hi @seamusunsean

I'm so sorry to read what you're going through. As the others have said, no one deserves to go through what you are at the moment.

I'm not sure if you have come across any of these organisations, but they seem like they could be helpful to connect with:

Men's Rights Agency

Dads in Distress

I'm worried about your thoughts of suicide. Are you currently connecting with a professional or organisation about these thoughts? You don't have to go through this alone.

You received wonderful support from other members here - and I hope can see how much support you have.

Nik