Lived Experience Forum

[suzanne]

Hi @seamusunsean, having just read through the thread I can understand how you're got to where you are.  You've had some great support and advice but I would think that it's completely critical to be in contact with people who have been where you are now.  As much as we try, it's hard to really know the nature of your loss and sense of powerlessness. 

If you do make contact with other dads in your situation, and sadly there are many, you'll have evidence that it's possible to re-create a life from the ashes of your old one.  You'll meet and talk with people who have lived through it and come out the otherside.  With lives that look very different from what they've lost but still as loving parents doing their best.  As hard as it'll be to accept now there'll also be evidence that there can be happiness in the future. 

Have you contacted Mens Line yet?  Here are there details.  You can chat online with them or call.  They also have a forum.  Most importantly, they'll have referral info for online and real world places you can connect with others who are or were where you are.  I think it's worth trying.  Once we become parents we need to cover all the basis to get and stay well. 

Keep in contact @seamusunsean, even if we haven't all been there we do care.

[esprit]

Hullo. Don't forget that the black dog tells us that there is no hope, that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It's not true. It might take a while but we can all pull ourselves through crisis if we have something like you do , your kids , to hope for. Right down all your positive attributes and how that will add value to their lives. Work on yourself, give up on what you thought your life should be like and focus on creating your new future. Clearly your a loving parent which in my view is more important than any financial success or any other success. In my experience the kids will see adventuallly how hard your tried and will love and respect you. There is hope. Only way is up now. Sending you strength and wisdom. Best wishes. Xx

[Former-Member]

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@seamusunsean wrote:
Sorry overtheedge there is no tunnel there is no light....

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Hello dear @seamusunsean

As has already been suggested that is the depression talking my friend. You are in despair - I know it well and when in that state we cannot see the light as pain/grief overwhelms and dims our vision. But it is there. Hold onto hope. Please trust me as you can. If I could take your pain away I would. It takes time to see the light through such trauma but if you don't give up you will see it. The light is your children - there love and need for you is always there even if you don't see them a lot physically. Feel your love for them - let it guide you and keep you strong.

@seamusunsean - I have lost three children to divorce. I have lost my entire side of the family. I know grief. I know it's despair. I struggled for many years and there is so much to life now that "I could not see then". The beauty of life is we don't know what wonderful experiences, love, purpose, meaning and joy are around the corner. But throughout life's journey we have to endure and push through the dark times to reach the light. If we don't we are lost. There is a tunnel my friend and you are in it - it is dark. Keep moving forward by any means you have with hope and you will move closer to that light. We all have to go through it. You are not alone.

Please reach out to others whom can relate to what you are going through. Besides Dads in distress there are support groups such as GROW who can also be there for you to phone or face to face when feeling hopeless. 

It's does take time to get over loss my friend but please know that you are not alone, that in time we heal and life does not end. Love does not end. Our purpose and worth does not end. My heart bleeds for you. Please don't do this - it's not the answer. Please keep posting and/or reach out. We care. You matter much. Lots of love xxx

[Appleblossom]

@seamusunsean Some judges are not aware of their biases.  I was treated poorly in magistrate's court when I wanted to see my daughter and the barrister scoffed about getting fradusters off ... it was as if he was telling me that right or wrong and fairness doesnt really determine court outcomes.  Its why I generally stay away from courts.

@seamusunsean  As relationship with other parent is over ... try and find reasons to live for YOU and maybe healing will come with the children later on ... they have different needs at different stages and you may find one day they come looking for you.  Its better you are still here.  Try and envision whats rest of your life a bit on your own terms .... what you care about ... kids yes .. but all the other things too... first some stable home base ... whatever is in your price range .. be viable ..

15 years ago, I never thought my serious pain would reduce enough for me ... to do half the things that I can today.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel ... is just around a curve in the road.

[esprit]

How are you doing?

[seamusunsean]

Ok until i started packing ...heartache now...

[seamusunsean]

Hmmm feels like dont want to die but just so sick of living....thanks though

[Sehnsucht]

@seamusunsean

Hugs.

[esprit]

Yes I felt the same when I packed up my home. It was the finality of it all . Like you say it makes you feel powerless. It's taken me 6 months to be ok with it. Cried myself to sleep every night. I'm not an angry person but I was burning with rage which strangely felt better than depression. All I can tell you is I'm doing ok and my realisation is my kids really need me even though I'm not living with them. It's affected my health and career but I'm slowly building myself up. It's grief I was feeling for losing my kids but I haven't really lost them. I really hope you can see that down the track you can make yourself a new and possibly better reality for yourself. It takes time I'm not nearly there yet but I'm trying. Someone told me the best revenge for people who have hurt you is to have a good happy life. Best wishes

[Former-Member]

Sending warm hugs @seamusunsean💕.