Lived Experience Forum

[Ally48]

Hi...I'm new here.   I've been battling with the trials n tribulations of bipolar since my late teens...im now 48yrs old!  I'm medicated and have been on different combinations over the yrs however I've always had a very sketchy work history and been in trouble many times because of my sick leave.  I've just recently lost a casual job and another one looks very unsure too. Nice just been offered a part time gig but I've spent the past 4 days stressing about it...i haven't slept in 3 nights and 4 days!   I don't know what to do.  I can't keep stuffing employers around.  It's not fair on them.  I think I might be looking at the DSP to keep me ticking over....i don't really want to go down that road but I can't seem to maintain a regular work life.  I'm feeling like a complete failure atm but this has been my work life pattern for the past 18yrs and it's not improving.....feeling deflated!

[Willy]

@Ally48 

You have some difficult choices my friend. Of the many friends I have had with bipolar and schizophrenia, I would say about 75% or more sooner or later go down the DSP path because it seems like the easier option. I "retired" myself when I was about 57 mostly because it was just too hard to keep on working with all the hassles of MH but I was more fortunate than most because I had been able to make a bit of money and support myself until I was eligible for the aged pension. Almost straight away I found myself "working" again, mostly in unpaid or poorly paid jobs. 

I have tried, as you probably also have to work on my problems. I made a lot of progress for a couple of years when I was in my late 30's and early 40's. That was what kept me going. I tried many things after that but nothing seemed to work. I use meds sparingly because I am one of those people who seem to be badly affected by side affects no matter what I use. That has been both a blessing and a curse. From what I have seen, the more highly medicated a person is, the more they seem to have difficulty working. As you would know, meds don't fix anything, they just supress the symptoms. 

I would say you have 2 choices. One is to try and get help to work on your problems and keep plugging away at making a go of normal work or take the DSP path. If you do the latter you will still need to try and find something meaningful to do with your life. For many, that can be more difficult than it first seems . Often people seem to finish up doing some sort of unpaid work. If your experiences are the same as mine, the work related problems don't go away and there is not really all that much difference between working for payment and unpaid work. If you just sit around and watch TV or similar all day, imo, your MH is likely to take a serious downhill turn for the worse. In other words, work is not just about earning money. It is about living a meaningful life.

What I am saying is probably not what you want to hear. 

I am now 74. I am still "working" quite hard doing various unpaid community related jobs. I don't really need to go looking for work, the work seems to come looking for me. There is always stuff that people need doing. I am also still trying to work on my MH problems as I still need to try and function in this world as well as possible and try to avoid stuffing people around.

I wish I could tell you that it is all easy but it is not, at least for me.

Regards

Willy 

[Ally48]

Thanks for your reply Willy.  If I go down the DSP road I'll still work the occasional shift e.g. one a fortnight or whatever I can manage and more when I'm up to it.  I just can't seem to maintain a regular job and always stuffing employers around which makes me feel awful.

[TuxedoCat]

Heya @Ally48, just wanted to say welcome! So nice to have you here ❤️ 

I'm really sorry you've lost a job and you're feeling stressed about change and letting down employers. It sounds like you have big expectations for yourself, so feeling this way is understandable. But you're definitely not alone in this -- most jobs (and most of society) don't have the flexibility we need when we're unwell. And it's not fair on you either. The world should have jobs which give us flexibility. Not sure if that helps?

Having said all of this, you know yourself and your pattern best. Whatever you decide with DSP, it could be a good thing to get you through this part of the pattern? If "regular" work life doesn't work for you, how could you create your own version of "work life"? 

Also, do you have supports you can draw on at the moment? Sounds like you're having an especially tricky time at the moment? 

Welcome again!

[Ally48]

Thanks for your reply.  I'm meeting with my phyciatrist tomorrow.   I'm gonna ask him about the DSP and take it from there.  I do think I am entitled to it as atm I'm only working a couple of shifts a month...if that.

[Willy]

@Shaz51 

Hi,

I have not heard from anybody or been involved with the SANE forum for quite a while so I was intrigued when an email popped up from the SANE forum supporting an old post of mine. I read through the post on my email thinking "did I really write that?". I believe I did and although I can't recall writing it, it seems to have been a valid and reasonable response to @Ally48 who was obviously at the time trying to make some difficult life decisions. I hope that whatever he/she decided to do is working out for him/her.

I more or less got warned off the SANE forum for talking about things that obviously touched some raw nerves with some people. My activities in the mental health area have not diminished however. I occupy most of my time these days with MH advocacy work. One of the significant projects I am working on at the moment is the establishment of Soteria community houses for people with acute MH problems on a trial basis in Australia. At this stage this project seems to be going fairly well and we are hopeful that we will see some tangible results in the not too distant future.

I enjoy the privilege of working with some high level people in the MH reform movement including academics, psychologists, lawyers, therapists, teachers, artists, students and all sorts of other people. Many, like myself, proudly and publicly identify as mad. Hiding away incognito is simply a masterful way to get ignored.

Through various connections I have also slowly gained a much deeper understanding of the complexity of MH problems, not just in Australia but throughout the developed world. These problems have evolved over a very long period of time and don't lend themselves to simple or superficial fixes. Given this understanding, it is hardly surprising that governments and regulators just throw up their hands in despair.

An understanding of the deeper underlying problems are not so much hidden but rather covered over by a lot superficial nonsense and half truths.

I am currently reading a book by the renowned humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow entitled "Toward A Psychology of Being". This book looks to me more like a set of notes than an edited book. It comes complete with typos, grammar mistakes, incomplete sentences etc. It is not the easiest thing to read but fascinating all the same.

Maslow's introduction says

There is now emerging over the horizon a new conception of human sickness and of human health, a psychology that I find so thrilling and so full of wonderful possibilities that I yield to the temptation to present it publicly even before it is checked and confirmed, and before it can be called reliable scientific knowledge.

This was written about 60 years ago. Maslow was by no means the only person thinking along these lines. There have been quite a few since but many, despite impressive insight and credentials have struggled to be heard over the noise of the masses. Today, when I read the nonsense written by many (but not all) contemporary philosophers, psychiatrists, psychologist etc, I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.

In summary, my task, together with the help and support of my mad colleagues is to dig this old and mostly forgotten stuff out from under the enormous pile of accumulated shite and present it in easily understandable forms to interested decision makers who will hopefully then be able to act on it.

It was nice to chat. I must now get back to work.

Regards
Willy