Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Thanks for responding here @Tinsel  - I only just opened this conversation on Monday I think - and I am still absorbing what people have added

Yes - we all do to step back from other people to tend to our own requirements at times and we need to be their 100% for ourselves and it is strange that our parents never taught us this - for me it was like - we are your parents and you will do what we say and vote for whomever we say and go to the doctor when we say etc and this is such a puzzle for young people - we get out into the world unprepared - and sometimes find ourselves to be parents to hopefully not repeat the past - 

But where do we start?

It does start with self-care and so great that you have a sister-friend as well as a sister you can share your history with. We weren't taught to care about ourselves - in fact - it seemed to me I was punished for being a girl - maybe even for being born - and who made the choices about us? Not us - if it was our wven parents' after all

So we have to learn - luckily self-care is being taught to the public through different media - I am glad to say - but when I have been told to do something nice for myself -  I have wondered what that would be - now I have a few ideas

Sometimes it's really easy like having a bubble bath - let's be practical this Christmas and buy a little present for myself. Preparing a meal just for myself is  excelllent - I live alone and although some meals are basic now and again I do something really different and hopefully

I was annoyed when my mother told me to stay home and look after my family one day and the next to get a job to help my husband when actually I was working and I just ignored her and went on with my life - which included years doing my HSC and then a university degree part time - and - people kept telling me that this was all too much for me and to stop - I continued and now have an Honours Degree and none of those nay-sayers are in my satisfying life now - which included as lot of writing

So - it comes back to pleasing ourselves and often ingoring other people.

One dramatic thing I did was to change my name after I seperated from my husband - I took a different family name because it pleased me - I was not seeing my parents at the time and when they found out what I had done - it was WW3 - what a row - and  I don't have any tats or other modern mysteries - 

It's not easy to take a role in life to please ourselves even when it really isn't anyone else's business - or breaking the law or whatever - we might end up rather alone but a proverb reads "It's better to live on the roof than to share a house with a nagging wife" 

I love that one

All the best Tinsel - I love your user-name btw

Dec

[Tinsel]

😂 @Owlunar  thanks I'll be sure to send that proverb to my dad I'm sure he hasn't heard it or he'd be using it.

I think it's important to acknowledge that a best friend may not always say what we want to hear, and for me right now, my 'best friend self'

Is making sure I get up every morning and  do what I need to do to get better.

Unfortunately I can't share with my friend and my sister about a lot of things related to my mental health because they don't 'get it' (which is why I'm here now) or I can't burden them with the details, which are too much even for me at times. 

So hopefully, between you guys and 'my own best friend' 🥴 I may possibly find a better trail to walk than the old one