Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Adge 

It's great you replied - I know you will respond later

I am glad I have finally started this thread too - it's something I have been thinking about for a while - I am sure we can all contribute something to the discussion

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Magoo 

Thanks for your supportive reply - yes - I have been challenged through life - thinking about it since I saw my psychologist has been interesting - as we sometimes say - enough is enough but more obstacles appear before us and we continue and we have an inner voice that complains and maybe urges us on. We can get stuck - maybe for a while - maybe longer - but as life goes on so do we - there have to be times when we wonder if that dark cloud is permantently attached to us and follows us around

I'm sorry you can't see yourself as being your own best friend. It is a different state of being knowing that we care for ourselves. Sometimes it might seem selfish but I have been alone for 30 years next month and if I hadn't learned to put myself first and care for myself I would be lonely indeed. It wa a rocky start I do remember - I had to stop work and go onto disability - in the chilly January evenings I would walk along the windy beach and feel my loneliness and gradually turned my being alone into independence. I have found plenty to do with my life since then and it has been fruitful. I hope you can find that and access the benefits of it

What you said about birth touched me - fighting your way through birth and the fight continuing. I have the feeling I experienced something different. I was born in the winter in the middle of WW2 - and with the weather and the war I certainly didn't know about at the time I decided to stay where I was for as long as I could and my mother told me I was 2 weeks late - often - maybe I made the story up in self-defence - being told my mother must have loved me in her own way as always aggravated me because it would be wonderful for anyone to have their mother love them as they needed to be loved

Anway - regardless of your circumstances I think I understand the deep meaning behind what you have written. The fight goes on. Your survived your birth and birth is no fun for mother or child. 

If I could I would bundle up resilience and hand it out in magic parcels and hope everyone could have a resource for self-care and self-appreciation that would never run out - I wish this for you now

This has been a great start - I read this first thing this morning - we can start a new thread and send our ideas out into the universe and hope for the best - I have seen some of the best this morning

All the best Maggie

Dec

[outlander]

Hi @Owlunar most of the schools arw closed where i am and sisters arent going thankfully but im part of a bushfire management team on the property so am out and about here and things are quite eerie and quiet atm. Its reached 33 degrees here already and so far no local fires 🙏🙏🙏

[Molliex]

Hi @Owlunar . What a thoughtful and interesting post. Being my own best friend is something I am not great at. While I am actually fine with my own company and rarely feel lonely, i am extremely self-critical and have very low self-worth. I am trying to work on this, but a lifetime of telling yourself how useless and worthless you are is very, very hard to break.

You're right that you need to be your own advocate. Not everyone has someone to advocate for them. It's a learned skill I think. Resilence is part of it too - getting through things teaches us lessons and skills we can use again. Sometimes the trauma can be too great and it may not be so apparent, but I believe it's in there. 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Molliex 

You are right - going through things teaches us lessons and skills we can use again. Sometimes it might be too much but we survived whatever it was - and we can and will survive again. I really believe this

I get along with my own company too - and rarely feel lonely - but having poor self-worth and being self-critical would be hard to break - it can though - I did - and I think it's really hard when a person feels worthless - that is not the case - we are all worth something even if it's only for ourselves

We do need to be our own advocate - sometimes we can find someone to do that for us. There is no rescue - at least I was told that - but I have a strange little story about a taxi-driver who saw me battling along with my suitcase looking lost - maybe I wasn't without resources in my own city near public transport but I was tired out that evening and that taxi driver rescued me and drove me home and yes - I paid the fare - but rescue is not always going to happen - which is why we learn to swim I think - 

And not everyone has an advocate - I travel a lot and I have had to learn to elbow my way through airports - but if I waited for someone to go with me I would never get to go anywhere and I love flying. 

Before I got married I had a firmly imprinted idea that my husband would support me when I had children - old idea - even quaint now - and that certainly didn't happen and I had to work at night or in the weekends - I remember feeling surprised that this happened but i was actually glad to get out of the house - and I think that being self-interested in my own future I couldn't see it being at home caring for the interests of my family and not my own. I was so young at the time - I finished my eduation and I have never felt bad about that - I was most likely a better mother because I did this but not "there all the time"

Maybe the idea is to always be there for ourselves - if we are then we are better able to be there for other peopole - I believe we have more to give when we value ourselves

I do wish you the best Molliex

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander 

I have the TV on about the fires right now and concerned about my grand-daughter who lives up on the Sunshine Coast - I have sent her a text but she has yet to reply - tomorrow is the bad day for them

I am glad your sisters are not in school today - a good day to have the schools closed in NSW today - it seems as if the whole state is at risk today. 

You are part of a bushfire management team - good on yer - great to hear - and I understand about that eerie, quiet nature of things. I have felt that sometimes myself - as if everything is waiting and listening to see what is going to happen - actually I think the birds are quiet - maybe the fly away looking for a safe place - clever birds

All the best today Outlander - thinking of you and our sisters

Dec

[nashy]

"Maybe the idea is to always be there for ourselves - if we are then we are better able to be there for other peopole - I believe we have more to give when we value ourselves" - Totally agree with this notion @Owlunar, thank you for this conversation. 

[MDT]

That's good @Owlunar
I am glad you were encouraged 🙂

[Owlunar]

Thanks @nashy 

Dec

[Tinsel]

Good morning @Owlunar ,

Such an important thing to learn, and great for sharing here where others- including me- can give some thoughts and insight to their own learning to be their own best friend.

For me, I think I have spent most of my life trying to do this, without realising it, and how interesting that I have said this very thing to my daughter in the past week after she broke up with her boyfriend.

I am so lucky to have a very close friend who is like a sister to me, and also my sister, with whom we share the experience of growing up without parents who were able to teach us to be this.

But even our very closest 'others'-partners or family, or close friends have times where they need to step back from supporting us in order to care for themselves.

I am finally realising this, and learning new ways to do this for myself, and more importantly, learning to step back from others to when I'm unable to be that person, in order to look after myself.

I have spent most of my life feeling alone after growing up with parents who didn't have this ability for themselves and thereby unable to teach us this.

And only in the past couple of years since seeing a psychologist have I learnt to be my own best friend because ultimately that's what we need to do.