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DD5
Contributor

Help but no help really

My husband has suffered from Bipolar for most his life. GP and all manner of specialists involved with therapy and medication however when he has a violent episode I am on my own. I call his Drs and they won't even take my call. Call Beyond Blue they say call the police. WTF why call the police when you have a medical team in place. Police are not Drs.

It's a disgrace. Drs have a real chance in life to help yet when asked they are asked they are  to busy,  to scared of litigation or just don't care. 

RU OK,  Mental Health awareness week,  great but all rubbish unless mental health professionals will engage with carers and relatives.  In the critical times,  completely alone. 

19 REPLIES 19

Re: Help but no help really

@DD5 I hear you

 

I'm at the point now where even my own doctor has told me I should just leave him if I don't want to live with my current levels of stress and anxiety. No one will help me stay.

 

Leaving wouldn't help him it would make him worse. It takes weeks of nagging to get his doctors to really listen to what I'm saying even though I can see the mood turning, ramping up, long before they do as I'm with him every day.

 

And what would anyone do if when asked RUOK? you said no. It's become "how are you?" "yeah good thanks". You just give the expected polite answer. Slogans will not solve the mental health crisis in this country.

 

Good luck x

Re: Help but no help really

hey @DD5 

 

It sounds like you need urgent support when these events occur.  Unfortunately, the police and emergency services are the only ones trained to deal with violence, Doctors and Ambulance personal will always ask for police to make the situation safe before engaging in providing services. 

 

What support do you have currently (as in yourself and not your husband)? Are you doing okay or are you feeling like you need help and support?  Have you had a chat to the careers network?

 

https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

 

Let me know how you are feeling and I am here to listen if you need to talk it out. 

Re: Help but no help really

I question that the police and services are properly trained to deal with "violence".  They have taken easy option, and use numbers and guns to escalate, overpower, with frequent fatal casualties.  I believe we need to unpack that V word ... and TRAIN people in de-escalation. ... otherwise this society is in trouble.

 

Peels policing code believed in reducing the use of power.

 

@DD5 

Take care of you and then your spouse.  Its a hard road.

Sorry you are on it.

 

 

@SJT63 I was told to leave by services, and eventually did a year later.

 

Still arguing for approaches more similar to European rather than American models ...

Everything seems to confirm it is the wrong way to go, but so-called certainty, helps pollies make easy promises.

Apple

Re: Help but no help really

Thanks SJT63. It really helps that you get what I'm saying. I really appreciate your comment.

Re: Help but no help really

Thanks Apple blossom,  I appreciate your comment. I am actually a very experienced former police officer and I agree police are the not appropriate to attend these incidents. Many police do an exceptional job with dealing with the situation but when you already have a team of treating medical professionals treating the patient you would expect that they intervene rather than passing the buck. Sometimes a Dr taking a simple phone call could change lives. There is such an arrogant god like attitude amongst them when they have a real chance to help. 

All the things I did to help people as a police officer after hours I can't accept  that Drs are so risk adverse. 

Re: Help but no help really

Thanks Aussie Recharger. Police do an exceptional job but trained mental health practitioners already engaged with the patient should not turn their back in times if need. A simple phone chat could solve so many problems. Drs need to remember why they got into the profession and how much they really can help if they try. 

Re: Help but no help really

Hey, you are never alone. God is always there.

 

This life is flawed and it is hard, for everyone I am sure. But He has offered us eternity.

 

But man does it get HARD sometimes. Just know, you are made to be able to get through everything you face. It's all just proof that this temporary life is full of good and evil. But you can survive, because you were made for it.

Re: Help but no help really

@DD5 ex police officer here too, dealing with my own personal amount of issues (bipolar, ptsd, anxiety). As you'd probably know the police do the best they can but are woefully undertrained and underprepared to deal with the mentally ill in crisis. I remember having 1 lecture on the mental health act at the academy and a visit to the psych hospital and that was it. Always the first to be called in violent situations having to wait long hours in wards restraining people until they could be assessed and this was 30 years ago, very sad to hear things haven't changed one bit. And Covid has just amplified the sheer lack of resources and help for people with mental health problems. 
I really feel for you, and I feel for your husband, but you've gotta look after yourself too. I know there's no point me suggesting anything because you probably already know what I would suggest. I just want to offer my support, let you know you have a safe space here to come and vent when you need it. Take Care. xx

BB 🐰💙

Re: Help but no help really

Hey @DD5 

 

Sounds like you already have a huge amount of experience in that area.

I have found there is a grey area there and I am glad they now have a protocol where a mental health worker is meant to be engaged when it is flagged along with the police.  I think this is a good step these days. 

 

I still stand by my comment though... How are you going and do you have support for yourself?  Do you think it is a doctor that you need at that point in time?  Could a mental health support worker from Mable or hire up give support in times of need? 

 

Can you tell us more about your husband?

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