Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

Hello everyone,

Today I have something to take my mind off things. I went to my GP a week ago and mentioned it was my daughter's birthday. He knows my situation. In the past 37 years, after giving them up to their father and his 'friend' so that they would only have one set of rules to live by, I have contacted them about three times by letter, just leaving them in peace. I thought they would mature and realize that I had their best interest at heart. My GP told me to write to them and he talked me into it although the psychiatrist I saw recently couldn't. So I did, and today I am being served with an intervention order. I'm stunned at them all, but it is just the sort of dirty deed I should have expected. Words fail. A window into what drives these difficult family situations. Such dirty business. Until the day before I left I had been the best mother I could be and there had never been any complaints, but my family was always 3 against 1.

[Gwynn]

Can you find some kind of legal assistance to help you deal with the intervention order?

[Zoe7]

Oh @Historylover I am so very sorry this is happening for you. They obviously have not been brought up with any respect nor any insight into what you actually did for them and that is not on you at all. It is very much their loss Hon and as hard as this all is for you, try not to take it personally - they have obviously no idea what you did for them nor any intention to find out what really happened ...but you know - you did what you thought best in a difficult situation and that is all you could do.

[Historylover]

@Gwynn @Zoe7 What a dirty business. Just the sort of action I should expect from my ex-husband. The police officer who rang me said that someone would bring the papers around today, and I don't have to go to court if I agree not to make contact. I didn't go to court for my divorce either. My ex-husband loves all these goings-on. Makes him feel powerful and in control. Makes me feel sullied.

Looks like I'll have to make a new Will. 

[Gwynn]

What are the potential consequences for you if you contact them again, even years after you agree not to make contact?

[Zoe7]

@Historylover You did what you thought best and their subsequent actions are very hurtful - but you have your answer  and they have to live with that. I am very sorry for you though Hon ❤️

[Historylover]

I'll have to ask that @Gwynn. I have never given up hope of a reconciliation with them, on different terms, and having to adjust to that impossibility would be difficult. But my suicidality will probably solve that. Not meaning to be morose, but my ex-husband and ex-psychiatrist will both have achieved their objectives. I'm still numb at the moment. The reality of this situation will soon sink in.

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Historylover, 

I am so sorry to hear about the intervention order, and what that might mean for your ability to reach out to your children in future 😞 Such a hard and heartbreaking moment, and we are all here sitting alongside you today  

Do you have people in your life that you trust and who support you, who can be there for you today? Or someone you can reach out to should you want support?

You have mentioned thoughts of suicide, and from our previous discussions this is something that you have been living with for a while. How are the thoughts sitting today- do you think you will be able to stay safe today?

I am going to send you an email to check in too  

[Historylover]

No need for an e-mail @Daisydreamer. I'm still numb and feeling sullied. 

[Historylover]

I have never had anyone to rely on @Daisydreamer. No-one, and I just had to try to get by as best I could. My birth family is a total mess because of what they endured from others, and our relationships were fraught at the best of times. They settled for being the centre of attention when their family had another trauma, instead of preventing them. I never had a hope in my family. None of us did. And my marriage was a step further into a greater mess as we meshed our respective family's entanglements. I'm the best person I can be. But I guess that's simply not good enough.