Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Deano .. are you the extract a promise .. introduce chaos guy?

[Appleblossom]

Looking back on my life and posts from my first few months on Sane forum.

Reflecting on how open and vulnerable I felt and how few responses I received, leaving me with a huge sense of my heart in my mouth and nobody caring a jot. I am glad the forum has grown.

Double thinking about whether I am too formal to be seen to have feelings or too poor and casual and seen to be too rough to bother with.

Thinking about grief on another thread.

This is about my little brother who passed in 30 April 2017 and marriage and striving for love and balance.

Grieving for him and me.

[Appleblossom]

This brother got to 52, which is better than my brother who died at 33, and dad who died at 45.  

It is odd I persist in being positive about members of the opposite sex, because I thought I loved and understood them, but I also experience a lot of misogyny. It makes me very tired, as the battle os the sexes helps no-one.

It is making me wonder if I should start off more in life with probes into others .. before I reveal anything about myself ... just have not felt I have had that much option as mostly struggling with overwhelm throughout my life, without even the dignity of a MH Dx or care... 

DId I post that quip about introducing chaos .. very defensive ...

I guess it says a lot about my feelings and grief about my marriage.

I am still thinking that "Space and Connectedness" in relationships is important for me and maybe others.

I also love the poem about Children  by K Gibran .. shooting them forward into their own life like an arrow ... where likes longing for itself .. comes into play.

Future awareness does have a role in mental health.

Tagging people as I prefer this thread than "Approaching Sure" thread which was more cerebral and general social rather than about family and deepest feelings... I have  a lot of heavy head pain and need to go and sing.

@Former-Memberand@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe @Adge @Teej @Shaz51 @Dec @Phoenix_Rising @outlander

Anyone who feels moved ...please for me there are no exclusions .. or special friends ...for a weird reason, maybe becasue I have been alone a lot, I just can think like that.

[Teej]

@Appleblossom,

To me it feels like you are sifting through your male relationships of relatives trying to work out how to feel about them and perhaps feeling the loss of not just them but perhaps getting a better understanding of the men in your life. I don’t have anywhere near the experiences or pain or loss but I too have been trying to come to terms with the males in my life, specifically the four I’ve raised. I see shades of their father and grandfather and my brother. I see how differently they think to me and sometimes I wonder why men and women have to be so different. I know that I will be very different if I ever enter into another relationship with a man. That’s not to blame them or degrade males but I realise that so much of the way I interact with males is very different. I’m not so sure the males in my life are naturally misogynistic but I think the females have put the men’s needs first for everything. I don’t think this is healthy. 

Not sure if I’ve missed your point. I am here hoping you can find some space and peace with those males that have passed in your life. 💜🤗

[Appleblossom]

That is probably a part of bringing up this thread. @Teej  Thanks.

Going over the expectations and misunderstandings between the sexes in my family and my life.  I am a bit triggered as my son is spending a lot of time with his father instead of thinking about things like work and study.  He is happy though so that is good. When I feel vulnerable I try and not let it interfere.

What can I learn and how do I proceed.  

One fellow is single and sends off "dont come near me" vibes all the time ... he was arrogant the first time he opened his mouth, so alright its mutual, just be polite. I think I am making up for the teenage stage re this stuff.  Socialising and learning to mingle.

Tonight one man from choir made a quip that was double edged, then him and his friend apologised profusely and later we chatted in the break.  

So I am going with ... yes I do know when they are being misogynistic... call it out .. but listen and try to understand .. if its relevant .. being a bit more proactive than I used to be shy and passive.  I am still not sure which way I would go as last week the lady I connected with was gay but attached ... all good ..

my family is such a mess ... I haven't a clue, but I am alright.