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TW- mentions suicidal thinking and recovery!
Today is an interesting day for me as it’s the Victorian State Election here in Victoria where I live. Last year, in August and September, I was in a period of psychosis and depression which was brought on by being in a COVID-19 lockdown here in Melbourne. I couldn’t deal with life in this period and hated living in Melbourne because of what the Labor government of Victoria had done. It was like the 6th lockdown that I’d experienced and wasn’t enjoying life at all with all the restrictions imposed by the government in the belief of keeping my state safe from coronavirus that was affecting the state and health system at the time. I was confused, lost, mixed up and became mentally ill because of what was going on in my life and the world which I knew. I didn’t like the food restrictions at the supermarkets or the heavy police presence that I was forced to see on a daily basis via the media or the endless daily media conferences about the impact this virus was having on my state and place that I lived. I was having regular contact with a psychologist who I started working with in July because of how my mental health was travelling but that proved not to be enough come late August and into September when I fell down the rabbit hole into psychosis and suicidal thinking. I did seek help and had an eventual hospital admission for 9 days in September along with a stay at PARCS as well for another 14 days which was great but I still remember telling my psychologist in early September last year one thing that I’m reminded of today which I told him that if Dan Andrews - the Victorian Labor Premier- got re-elected in the next state election which was a year away, I would attempt suicide as I couldn’t take another period of endless lockdowns and restrictions on my daily life. Don’t worry- I’m perfectly safe and fine and I’m travelling well mentally now as it’s now been just over a year since I said those words- but it was paramount in regards to my recovery and learning about my mental health and associated illnesses. I remember my psychologist telling me that Dan Andrews wouldn’t risk anymore lockdowns because of it being an election year and that things would change and to trust him.
It’s now Election Day here in Victoria and as of a short time ago, voting booths have closed and the counting of votes has now started. I’m pleased to say that I’m not suicidal and I’m in a great headspace at the moment. I’ve lived through some rough periods since my psychosis episode just over a year ago, including another hospital admission in July this year, and I’m yet to experience another lockdown which is great. I’ve learnt that I can’t control what political parties do and don’t do, especially when it comes to elections, but what I’ve realised is I can try and have an impact in a small way and that’s by choosing who I vote for. I’ve been for a walk today to mail my vote as I chose a postal vote over going to a traditional polling both and I’m feeling relatively okay. I’ve done some knitting of a blanket for my housemate and I’m feeling calm and relaxed. I’m choosing to watch the election results on TV and I’m surrounded by the support of my housemate and my wonderful cat with my sister on call if I want to discuss any election issues or the like. I know I’m mentally able to handle things and I’m a lot stronger as well compared to last year. I’m able to utilise my coping strategies and know who to call if I need to should the need arise. I’m okay and that’s the main thing.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s amazing how things change when it comes to mental health and the journey of recovery. Nothing is set in concrete and I know that as my mental health and illnesses are episodic, it’s perfectly natural for things to be both good and bad. However, it’s important to accept that there are lessons to be learnt from the bad times and that you do come out more stronger and more resilient from them. I’ve seen that and I’m proof that things can change and improve for the better. Today, I’m seeing that I can live to tell the tale and I’m much better for it. I haven’t given up and will continue with my journey, no matter what happens.
Thanks for reading this.
Take care and stay safe!
Judi9877☺️💐🌻
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