Lived Experience Forum

[birthmother]

My catalyst ... my grand daughter completed suicide. She was 16. I had met her maybe 4 times. I did not get notified of the funeral. I did get an invitation to the memorial but I didnt open it. I thought is was something else. It was a facebook invitation/pm. I missed the memorial. My beautiful grand daughter, not thiers.

There is.so.much.guilt. So.much.....

[Zoe7]

@birthmother Just wanted to let you know that I hear you and I am so sorry that you went through this - and still are. My thoughts are with you 

[utopia]

@birthmother. Sorry this has happened to you. Do you have a counselor you can talk to?
Thinking of you.

[birthmother]

not yet. I am trying to work on that. I have appointments made.

Guilt and shame make for good bedfellows.

[Zoe7]

Oh @birthmother a lot of us have those bedfellows - you are in great company 

[birthmother]

You remember that add for a cake? layer upon layer upon layer...of guilt shame and trauma...

[birthmother]

so am I mentally unwell ... what happens when I self diagnose cptsd? or am i sad.. so bloody sad. My baby would have been fine with me. She was not better off. My poor baby 😞

[Phoenix_Rising]

@birthmother I am so very sad to hear about the loss of your grand-daughter. You pose the question of whether you are mentally unwell or sad. My personal view is that as a society, we tend to pathologise sadness and grief, but I accept that others will hold different views. Sadness and grief are totally normal responses to loss.

Of course, it is entirely possible to be both sad and mentally unwell; people with a mental illness experience sadness, and sad people can have or develop a mental illness. Sometimes when we are very sad for a very long time, it changes the chemistry of our brain and this can lead to depression. Thus, while grief itself is not a mental illness, if it continues unabated for a long time, it can lead to depression.

As to "what happens" if you self-diagnose yourself with cptsd, well, nothing really "happens." It can provide a valuable starting point for figuring out the way forward. For example, it might inform the sort of therapist you might want to try connecting with, or it might help you to find useful resources such as books or support groups.

There are quite a few people here in Forum Land with cptsd, so I hope you are able to feel supported here.

[birthmother]

do those with a diagnosis of cptsd go to a practitioner and say I think I have cptsd? as this this and this happened and that's why I think I have ctpsd ... without being dismissed?