Lived Experience Forum

[WTFIGO]

@Heart thank you for your thoughts 🙂

[Heart]

@WTFIGO, Sorry to hear that things are not going well for you.

Please don't take what I am about to say to heart, I just want to say it as an experience of what I have just been through.

I have just had a week of shingles, (look it up if you don't know what it is). It is brought on by stress and being rundown. I was quarantined to home for a week and unwell with it.

On that note, it was a bolder to the face to remind me that I can not be the fixer of everything and not look after own self care in the mean time. I put everything and everyone well before myself.

What I am trying to say to you is to make sure through this that you are doing somethings to look after yourself. I know that can be extremely hard when you don't feel up to it and don't have the drive to. But if you don't it will come back and bit you in the butt at some stage.

Simple things like going for a walk, trying to eat nutrish food when you can, read book/magazines on a subject of interest, get on the net and look up some self care/mindful things that you can do.

As I said, this is what I have just been through and I would hate for anyone else to experience it knowing how hard it is at the moment to think of self care but it is sooo important for you to do it.

A job will come in good time. keep your self busy with out over doing it. 

Are you somewhere safe and do you have someone close you can talk to? 

Remember there are help lines attached to thins forum if you need to ring and speak to someone.

Take care of yourself and speak soon.

[WTFIGO]

@Heart,
I am ok I am not at any risk of doing anything silly.
She is seeing someone else now which I have to accept but she is being extremely mean and nasty to me.
There is no contact now but I'm seriously struggling because there is absolutely nothing I can do to get her out of my mind. She enters my mind when I eat, shower, brush my teeth, drive my car, go to sleep, while I sleep, when I wake when I watch tv when I read when I look at my phone make a cup of coffee get dressed
Suffice to say she is on my mind with every breath I take and I still can't find work, I feel with a job I could start moving forward but otherwise I'm still stuck lost lonely and without any emotion just empty, I spent sometime with a female friend who wants to be romantic with me and I'm not the least interested and I'm usually always happy for contact with anyone regardless of the motivation. If that makes sense, meaning earlier in my life I would have done anything for distraction to destroy the feelings but I don't seem to want to destroy this emptiness it's seems to be where I live at the moment in my head with a broken heart and soul

[Former-Member]

@WTFIGOI hesitate to say this because I don't know your history, but the more I read your posts about her the more she sounds like a psychic vampire. Of course I could be way off the mark.

If you are unfamiliar with the term, this is a very general description:
"A psychic vampire (psy vamp) is a term used to describe a living person who "drains" others emotionally. They do this either empathically (draining the auric life force) or metaphorically (someone who takes emotionally without giving anything back; "

[Heart]

Hello @WTFIGO. It is good to hear that you are not at risk of doing anything silly.

A job would be a great distracting for you mind and a start for you to move forward. Is there anywhere near you in the way of community groups that you could do some volunteer work at?. This will help keep you busy and you also don't know what doors can open from that.

Are you seeking any therapy at the moment, I think it would be a great idea for you if you could.

The sadness and emptiness is normal for the moment because of the feeling of loss that are coming forward.

Your female friend that you have been spending time with, can you talk to her about the fact that you are not wanting anything more at this stage. She should respect the fact of what you have been through and how you are feeling at the moment. Earlier in life, yes we all would have enjoyed contact with other to dull any feelings/pain. 

As we grow older I think we all realise the grass is not necessarily greener on the otherside of the fence. It is also working out what is important for yourself right now and that is looking after yourself.

I have just started a meditation classes last week and I found it for free. I googled meditation classes in (the suburb you live in). 

If the distractions around the house are not working you may need to look at other thing like going for a walk, doing the gardening, just going and sitting in the park getting some sunshine, simple thing. I know the motivation for these can be very very hard but please give it a try.

It has taken me a very long time to realise that no one else is going to look or care about me or my feelings except for myself and it is a very hard thing to start doing not knowing were or how to do it. I have made a start, now it is just continuing on the path that I am walking to take care of me.

This may sound very selfish and I do feel that at time but this is the way that it has to be not only for myself but others as well. No one can continue to give everything to others and not to themselves without breaking at some point. This is why I am saying to you to look after yourself and both physically and mentally.

One day she may realise that the grass is not so green on the other side.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are going. There is alot of great support here and there is the help lines if you really need to just talk to someone.

Take care

[Heart]

Just checking in with you @WTFIGO. Are you ok?

[WTFIGO]

Hi @Heart,
Thank you for checking in, I'm ok, I'm slowly coming to the sad realisation that I am now utterly damaged goods, to my core the results of my life have chipped away at the optimistic part of me and I know now that no one keeps promises to me and everybody lies. The passenger song "Let Her Go" is me in a nutshell. The only difference is that instead saying
You only know you love her when you let her go, my line is
It's only cause I love her that I'm letting go

[Heart]

@WTFIGO, It is so hard to let go of someone you love. But if it means that you can move forward and start healing yourself, it has to be done. We never forget the love we have for someone, and that is what makes it so hard.

I wouldn't say you are optomistic, more loving, caring and sensitive to others which is never ever a bad thing. In fact I think It shows that you put yourself before others, (know the feeling well).

I know the feeling of being "totally damaged to the core". It is unpleasant, uneasy and very unconfortable. Just please take care of yourself. 

[Heart]

Hello @WTFIGO, Just checking in with you to see how you are.

[MrMayfair]

She sounds like how i ended up when i had a boyfriend. I was disatisfied but didnt have the courage to be leave and be on my own. In retrospect i can see how my weakness to be on my own was why i started finding fault with all my ex did. Then id accuse him if not loving me.
In my opinion when relations have got to this pount there is no saving it. The only variety in the outcome is how long it takes.