Lived Experience Forum

[Falconman84]

Hey. I've just joined. I feel like I am alone with this and everywhere I go I feel like I am being judged. About what I did. (Well I didn't do anything physically but mentally I did) . I hope I can meet some people that have been in this as I feel so alone about it.

I have been in a relationship for 8 years with my girlfriend and we have a 18 month old daughter together. Anyway for a for a bit last year we where having problems and I had a friend who was a female. I thought we were friends. I ended up getting a crush on her that I felt so bad about. I told her about it. She was ok but when I told my girlfriend. Well she has been treating me really bad ever since. My girlfriend obviously was upset but we both worked on it and we are still together 😊 a positive. We both decided that we would be open to being friends with this other girl again. Well she was for wanting to be friends again at first but then started treating me bad again. I went of at her saying people can't help having feelings for people and that I never once acted on my feelings except tell her how I felt. Anyway I decide that she isn't worth having in our lives. Plus with her using meth. I do sort of worry about her. It hurts me how she treated me and my girlfriend. I don't want her in my thoughts anymore. It's so hard to not think of her. This has been playing on my mind now for over 3 months. Just wish there was an erase button I could press and she would no longer be a memory. Please don't abuse me for this. I know it's not right. I never meant for that to happen

[Needcoffee]

Hey Falcon. Tough situation mate. Went through something not too different myself. I know it's a cliche to say time heals etc but it certainly seemed to in my case. I wonder how much of what you're feeling stems from the guilt you feel towards your partner too. Can't have been easy for her. Any insecurities or jealousy that came up for her would have made things difficult. Do you feel your partner is feeling more assured that you're still committed to her? If things are comfortable and safe at home and in the relationship, it's always going to be easier. As far as this other person, there's no crime in developing a crush but as you've seen, it can complicate things. End of the day you were honest and did nothing "wrong" and your family is still in tact. I think it sounds like you handled it far better than others do mate.

[Falconman84]

If anything as silly as it sounds. What happened did help my relationship. It made us more open and speak out about things. She's a lot happier now than when I told her. I do feel guilty about it. 1 for falling for someone else that I wasn't involved with and 2 upsetting people. I'm lucky I still have my family. Thou it still saddens me as well I lost a friend. Thou I think if she was a true friend. She wouldn't of acted the way she did

[Needcoffee]

Yeah what others think and say can really hurt but ultimately their opinions are theirs and don't have to be ours. You don't deserve their judgement and it sounds like some really positive things happened in your relationship ultimately. So there's a lot to be grateful for and you can choose to see this as a good learning experience that's brought you closer to your partner. Let go of the bitterness. You're loved and supported and no one can hurt you. The other person I think you said is also dealing with substance abuse which really doesn't help us operate in the best way. She has her own demons and hopefully she'll deal with them and heal. You don't have to feel anything negative towards her. It's OK to decide someone isn't a positive influence and limit contact to guard the well-being of the family. You're doing the best you can mate. Go easy on yourself.