Lived Experience Forum

[Sarzy]

I was raised in a large family one of five. My parents weren't educated. My older siblings were horrible to me, my brother would treat like a boy and rough me up, beat me up, my sisters were so mean to me went I went to them for help with homework that i stopped, asking for help, I was bullied in school for being overweight. The anger grew in me and my motivation became anger that I was going to show them! I'm still like that today and I haven't my moment yet.
I've learnt that I won't get anywhere with that attitude from my ego but also that I'm completely codependent to either my family relationships or this food addiction. The one thing that's keeping me alive is this food addiction, gives me something to obsess about, plan and act upon. It's a really sad life. I know it sounds like a victim but I don't feel like I control or a choice.

[Lunar]

Hi there @Sarzy

Thank you for sharing your story, it sounds like you have been through a lot in your life and coping with it all has come out in anger. You have realised that this wasn't the most helpful way of coping with your emotions so you have got to a point now where you need your family and food addiction as they have some positives but you aso feel as though these dependancies make you feel like you lack control or choice.

That sounds quite difficult @Sarzy, it is good you have come to the forums for some extra support in this right now. Are you also getting support from a counsellor or anything?

Lunar

[BeHappy]

Hi @Sarzy,

You're very insightful. I think there is something to be said about having a relationship with food (or any other addiction) when we've had poor relationships within our family.

In many ways, I think addictions can be like a friend - though toxic, they can provide comfort, and make you feel in control, give you focus. For this reason, they can be hard to give up because you'd need to find something that can replace it. Overcoming addiction means tackling whatever leads to have an addiction in the first, and that's hard work.

@Sarzy, can you imagine what life would be like if you changed your relationship with food?

[Sarzy]

Hi @BeHappy
I totally agree it's a toxic relationship..I imagine I really do need to replace this addiction with something in order for it to stop.

It's a good question that needs more exploring.
I imagine Life without it like... plain is the word that comes to mind. .hmm interesting

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sarzy

Thank you for opening up this discussion about food addiction. It's actually a common addiction i find (over-eating, under-eating, orthorexia etc) but not always explored a lot in mental health forums.

I'm curious about your beliefs about you and food that drive this addiction for you? Would you be happy to share a bit more about that? 

You say that if you changed your relationship with food (to presumably a healthy, non obsessive eating pattern), this would be plain ? boring for you. Did you think of some ways to maintain a flair in your cooking/food prep but still be relaxed about it?

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. Anyone else have something to share on this topic?

kind regards,

Frog

[Ellu]

Hi Sarzy,

You certainly had a horrific childhood, and the best thing would be if you could see a counsellor or psychologist to talk things over. It really helps - I speak from personal experience, as I had a miserable childhood too. Talking about things takes the pain out of them, and once you defuse the pain the incidents can become just ordinary memories for you. The same goes for your food addiction. When I was feeling bad I used to stand in front of the refrigerator eating icecream out of the tub - and I would finish the tub too. Food addiction is firstly a sign of a deep empty hole inside yourself you don't know how to fill. It is also a way of distracting yourself from your awful memories. Of course it doesn't work and you feel even worse about yourself. I really do think that the only way out of the vicious cycle is to find a health professional to talk to, preferably a psychologist. I empathise with you, I have been through it too. Ellu