Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

Had my skype appointment with my psychiatrist tonight. But my Skype wouldn't work. So just spoke on the phone. He asked me what's wrong (we haven't spoken for about 5 months). I said,I've slipped back into my depression. He asks if I've started drinkng again (I gave up last year), I said yes. A few cans of bourbon a day. That's all he asked me. Then he said I should come into hospital again, but he doesn't work at the same Private Hospital i was at last year, so I'd have to go to a new one.

He didn't ask about any triggers. Work, relationships, activities, nothing. Was not even a proper conversation. I may as well have been talking to noone.

And I have to be the one to speak to my gp and organise for her to write a referral for this hospital. And then also write one to Workcover, so they will approve the stay. It all sucks. Why do I have to do all this? The whole process is wrong. And the psych said a 7 to 10 day stay.

I can't see me beibg better in that short time.

And no he won't increase my antidepressant, until after he sees me in hospital. As he doesn't think it will improve my moods. Seriously,  that's what he said. I've been asking for an increase and that's what he says. No. How am I meant to feel better without them.

I had a big lecture from my mum today on so many different areas, one being that she doesn't think an increase in my anti depressants would work. and that if i just focused on my sons needs, I would improve. I told her I can barely manage my own needs. She suggested she come and help me clean. That's not going to do anything. None of that will help.

Everything is just so bloody hard. None of their suggestions will help. If I have to go to hospital, I want to stay there for a real long time. I can't see me getting better in 7 days. I can't see me getting better.

I feel like I am just being annoying to the psych and so he is patting my hand and saying "there, there, go to hospital for a week". Just to shut me up.

I can't see any positives.

[Kurra]

@utopia
It's very hard to see any positives when you are so depressed. The psychiatrist is saying 7 to 10 days now but I'm sure you are aware that this could change once he has seen you.

Try to get as much rest as you can for now and try to deal with only one day at a time.

Here for you Utopia. Take care and be kind to yourself.

Luv n Hugzzz 👭💕💜💕👭

[Lunar]

Hello @utopia

I am really sorry you feel like your psych is trying to shut you up by saying go to hospital and everything will be fine, that sounds extremely invalidating and unhelpful. What do you think the benefits are of going to hospital, are there any at all? I am thinking will it be a break or something else, as like you said it will be short term and you only think long term will help.

You said that he also didn't ask about your life situation, is there something in that you think would be helpful to work through and discuss with him that might be adding to your depressive felings or something you wish e asked about in particular?

Thinking of you @utopia this all sounds really difficult ❤️

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @utopia,

It super sucks that you felt so unheard by your psychiatrist. I am totally over the whole mental health system right now - trying to find a decent mental health professional is like looking for a needle in a haystack...or more like looking for one sharp needle in a stack of blunt useless ones.

I have no idea whether you would benefit from an increase in your antidepressant or not, but I do know that you are the expert on your life, not a doctor who is speaking with you for the first time in five months. I have far more faith in your capacity to know what you want and need, then I have in his.

I super wish I had something helpful to say, but alas, I don't. But I wanted you to know that I have heard you.

[Queenie]

I'm sorry to hear @utopia that you haven't had a good psych appointment. I can relate to what you are saying about things being so hard. I can also relate to a psych who thinks of hospital as a means to "shut you up". 

I think if hospital is a realistic option for you, then 7-10 days isn't going to be worth it if you need to look at the bigger picture while you are an inpatient. You need to be able to discuss with him your triggers and ways to deal with these to prevent further relapses in the future. 

I can't say much about the alcohol, as I am drinking again now too. I do it as a stop gap means to cope at the moment. I just hope I can quit it later on (I was diagnosed with alcoholism a decade ago). I just hope you can stop if you want to without any further repercussions. 

It sucks that you have to organise everything for your hospital stay. I know what that is like too, being a private patient also. You can't concentrate or focus on anything but the depression and here you are having to write several letters and organise yourself when all you really want to do is hide somewhere.

I feel for you, I really do.