Lived Experience Forum

[hellen]

oh boy @Corny if you are trying to write a thesis, that's a whole different bag to what assumed was coursework.

my job is to support post grads trying to do their literature reviews, but it feels more like i'm a counselor for PhDs to tell them yes their supervisor is a sociopath, i'm joking, mostly. but from my outside perspective i do not see the benefit of writing a thesis unless i plan a career in academia.

and, that way madness lies, especially in this political climate.

coursework is one thing, having a thesis on your back while dealing with any mental health issues is crippling. i highly recommend deferring, (if that's an option) give yourself time to decide if this is still what you want.

phds turn normal people into shadows of themselves. the handful i've met who breeze through it are not normal, they're exceptional. and then there's people like you and i.

this applies to masters and honours theses too, just to a lesser degree. i know, having watching hundreds of students go that route that i would maybe make it through a one year honours thesis, but i would be torn apart at the end.

im sorry if i missed cues earlier in the thread that made me assume incorrectly.

my ptsd was triggered a couple of weeks ago. the worst i've had in years. and i started 2020 with a mental breakdown, before the pandemic!

you and i are not the same, and i have a very coloured vision of the world through my own experiences. but again i hope something i have said validates some part of your thoughts. if not. remember, you in your gut, know the way to go.

i'm thinking of you, and i hope you find the peace you need at the moment. 🖤

[Corny]

Thank you @TideisTurning for the offer, I just don't know if I can contribute to the conversation much, as it hasn't been a positive experience at all. I haven't worked since my breakdown in 2016 and higher ed coincided with pretty much my entire life imploding in every way possible. I feel very let down.

Sorry for leading you on a bum steer @hellen I am indeed doing coursework, not a thesis. I was just using that as an analogy to explain their reasoning behind me being too slow to complete my degree.....that's the way I just conceptualised it in my own mind.......There is absolutely no way on earth I could ever have enough executive functioning to write a thesis.....no way, my brain is not healthy.

You're doing amazing to work full time after a psychiatric breakdown, it is no walk in the park to recover from that. I am sorry that your PTSD was in a flare, its horrible having to ride that out......Brokeback Mountain is on Netflix, I find LGBTI cultural stuff relaxing, it is one area of my life that doesn't feel tainted or destroyed, and is still mine. I hope you are warm, ol'Sydney town is chilly tonight, take care and thank you for your kindness, Corny 

[hellen]

after rereading your post for a third time.

i feel i keep missing what you are actually saying and imposing my experiences on it.

but my actual last experience of study i think might also be informative though that session on studying eith mental illness sounds really good.

last time i studied in 2008 was coursework, i made it because it was only a year, by the end of the year i was getting constant migraines, constant injuries and constant illness. i didn't know then that i needed to be in therapy, after all i knew i was depressed, geez, no surprise there!

i haven't ever fully recovered, or perhaps my health has just continued to deteriorate. i'm getting the help i need now, but i wasn't for a long time. if i had known and resolved then, what i'm dealing eith now, if i'd known to ask for supports... i might have been better walking out, than i was when i walked in.

maximum time to complete usually applies to theses, and most universities have become extremely strict about it due to government funding issues. it's not like the old days where half the school was doing their thesis part time. and we're getting extensions... those days are gone. now you have to trsat it like a 9-5 job and be at the top of your competitive game, or they aren't interested. any hint that you're not going to complete they will drop you like a stone, it is costing them money. i could tell you many interesting problems with that would that disadvantage the student. because this is the world of research, not education.

degrees and credits for coursework on the other hand is still... 10 years or something... still too late for my film and literature degree... one credit short of graduating. but atleast that undergraduate system, or the coursework masters are designed to prepare you for practical jobs, real education. not research.

i work in research, i love it, but i'm not writing theses or reading articles! i'm teaching research skills. i will never study again, unless it's a trade, like. maybe hairdresser... or electrician?

and i've done it again, a long personal rant about my experiences... again, hopefully something in there is of value, take what you like, leave what you don't.

[TideisTurning]

No worries @Corny. Please know that all experiences are valid and valuable- good and not so good, but if you don't feel up to it, that's ok. You're welcome to read the discussion back at a later time if you'd prefer. 😊

[hellen]

it sounds like an amazing course @TideisTurning  even just to listen, i'd be interested to know how we can better support students who have serious mental health needs.

@Corny  yeah well coursework broke me so i get you, i do.. for me working from home in. 2020 was the lifesaver as it reduced a lot of stresses about travel, appearance, dealing with people.

my coping tv right now is masterchef, it's rarely sexist, racist or violent it's pretty much the only thing that doesn't trigger me, and it's chilly here in melbourne!

[TideisTurning]

Thanks for your interest @hellen! It's not a course, just one live discussion happening between 7-8:30pm (AEST) this Thursday evening. You can find more info here. I hope you're able to join us- it sounds like you'd have some valuable insights and experiences to share! 😊

[Corny]

I have comfort shows/DVD's too @hellen .

Abusive people steal time. But for some reason when I read/listen or watch LGBTI content I feel young again and a bit comforted for some reason.

I love cooking shows too. You would be very cold in Melbourne, but maybe you have an open fire, or a fire pit in your backyard, I hope you do.

Corny 

[Last-Lament]

Oh dear, @Corny , higher ed sounds like it's so much worse than when I was there! 

My only suggestion/s are to weigh up, making notes/ pro/ con columns even, of the potentials for completing the course with all the potential stressors that are going to be there, against what finishing the course means to you.

It seems there are immovable barriers to the time factor required by the education facility (that's so, so bad and might be battled against, but at what cost to you) which weigh against what you are able to expend to complete the course. 

I hope I explained that properly. 

It's just so wrong there is no work around for this. (gRRRRR on your behalf)

My only other thought is that perhaps you could transfer to a different, more amenable education facility to obtain the degree you want. Don't know if that would be possible though. 

Is there another type of education facility that woudl provide a similar outcome to gain the end result of the coursework you're doing now? and would that suit your purposes? 

I'm not on here very much anymore, i'm barely making it through the depth of depression I find myself in lately, so please don't feel slighted if I don't answer you immediately, or for some time.  

I wish you so much goodness and kindness and caring in all  your endeavours Corny. 

I really want it to work out for you. 

[Last-Lament]

@Appleblossom  Yeah, I really understand the having to let some people into your house in certain circumstances. NOt sure how I would manage that if I had to though, although I do have a room and a pathway from outside to that room where I'd probably take tnem, If they had to go through all my rooms, well that might be a different story. The real estate inspections are a massively trying time, but they're only here for 5 or so minutes, and gone, so I know I have to manage that. 

I had thought I would get a cleaner in to clean my oven but could not contemplate their presence in my home for the time it would take, so cleaned it myself yesterday. My trust levels are in the triple figure negative values. 

[Corny]

Oh goodness @Appleblossom you never have to say you're sorry for not replying. Sometimes we all need to go offline, I have for months at a time, I totally get it. You need to take care of you, I am sorry that you aren't getting much therapeutic benefit from your treatments right now. I hope you can check in with someone face-to-face soon. You have been through so much in life, and just take it day by day. I hope that if you don't have an outdoor space you have a window at home that faces north so you can be warmed by the sun during the day with a hot cuppa, and cosy at night with the doonie.

My depression is terrible too especially bad yesterday and today. But I know what to do, if my insomnia doesn't improve or my mood doesn't lift, I will take the right action. I am just trying my best to convalesce at home, but if a hospital stay is needed, I will go. 

Even though I am very depressed, it feels really honest & true if you know what I mean. No self-delusion, raw memories = true feelings. Memories of my father hitting me in public, and the meaning of the beatings has changed now I have more memories surfacing about other stuff, and keeps my mood down. For some reason remembering being hit in public triggers my depression more than remembering being hit in the family home. My dissociation does kick back in every now and then, but it has largely been replaced with depression.......I am still getting used to the feeling because I have been on the anxiety scale my entire life, so it feels a bit scary at times, but I hope to be OK. So if you are having trauma memories yourself, I totally know how hard they are to cope with. There aren't any meds to block our CPTSD memories unfortunately......they seem to be burnt into our cells. There is a lot of comforting music on YouTube that I often play for hours at a time. When I was in hospital a lot of people got into audiobooks to help them sleep......I haven't tried them yet but may give them a go if I can borrow some from the library.

I'm not sure about Uni @Appleblossom , I just have no fight in me. There was something about the way the disability chick dealt with me that was very triggering of my female traumas......anyway, I will chat to my doc on Friday. Lots of people have wonderful experiences there, it was more that my life imploded than the Uni itself. 

Stay rugged up tonight, Corny