Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Lindaloo99]

Daughter 22 years of age. Has depression and been diagnoses bi polar. 3 to 4 years ago had first psychotic episode (probably cannabis induced) since then has been on antipsychotic and anti depressants. Hates being on the antipsychotics and was told she could stop taking them unless she started to head into psychotic episodes again. Unfortunately she cannot see when this is happening and lately this has happened few times and I have to say she needs to take the meds - which causes her (and my husband) distress. She tells me that she is no longer using weed but I can see that she is drinking a lot and I don't think that helps either. I know that I do too much for her but if I didn't she would not get herself to work, wash her clothes, manage her finances etc. She has not lost her job, but has been close to it. She is a individual support worker. Last night she was really low crying and saying how she is a bad person, no longer has any friends, is a different person now (wants to go to university but this is now on hold) saying sorry to me continually, she actually passed out / fell over twice and - not sure if this was caused by alcohol or what. Eventually she went to sleep. I want to be the best person I can for her - I read everything I can about depression and bipolar. Her psychiatrist is retiring this month and his colleague cannot see her until Jan 2026 - so we are going to try and see someone else but that will probably be weeks away. She does see a therapist and he is great but hard to get into and now away in Europe for 6 weeks. We cannot get a GP appt for a week - I am simply not coping - instead of putting on a calm front all the time I sometimes I want to shout at her and tell her to try and do something for herself but know this wont help - so what do I do? 

[tyme]

Hi there @Lindaloo99 ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like an incredibly difficult place to be in right now. I hear how much you are doing for your daughter, yet you and her are still hurting.

I read that she is on medication, however, has she been in touch with an alcohol/drug specialist? It might be worth looking into as they can provide the support she may be needing right now.

Alcohol can certainly affect medication. It is also known to affect mood and can leave people quite low after a while.

I hear you are doing what you can for her. I wonder if the best thing you can do for her is to empower her to take the steps towards her own recovery? e.g. provide her with numbers to your AOD specialist, listen to her, set boundaries to help her to take charge of her recovery?

You are probably doing all these things already. Please don't give up. There IS hope. 

At the same time, please look after yourself.

[Lindaloo99]

Thanks for the prompt reply, I will look into the AOD aspect, didn't think of that - it gets so hard sometimes - especially for her 😞

[tyme]

My brother-in-law had a drug addiction for many years. He used it as an escape. He ended up in and out of rehab and it never worked because his parents wanted him to do it.

However, there came a point where he wanted to get clean. And he ended up doing it without rehab. He had moral support, but the main difference here is that HE wanted to get clean. This also included alcohol which replaced drugs for a while. He then realised he needed to stop the alcohol.

And yes, to this day, he is clean, but he lives with the consequences of drug use - psychosis. He will be on medication for the rest of his life, but he knows that and is willing. After getting clean, he married my sister, and now has 3 children. He is doing very well.

I hope that things will work out for your daughter too. The main thing is that she has to want to make the change as it's not easy @Lindaloo99 

tyme

[Lindaloo99]

That's great for your BIL and gives me encouragement and hope that my daughter will get to that stage.

[tyme]

It took a lot though @Lindaloo99 . I'm in no ways saying it was easy. However, he had to come to a point where he knew it was do or die. He had to make the choice.

It's been 10 years now since being clean. There were a few hiccups to start off with as the psychosis and hallucinations that came with withdrawal was quite intense. He then turned to alcohol. But with plenty of encouragement, he's in a good and stable place.

I also hope that your daughter will come to the place where she wants to better herself. She is so lucky to have you support her.

All the best. I look forward to hearing how things go for you.

[Cheeky123]

Darling lady 

From one mum to another 

I also have two children 19 & 20 , both girls .

Who have very complex mental health  problems  , the youngest left private  school in yr 11 , and has had many jobs but could never sustain them , is currently  on the disability  pension after 10 plus years of illness . 

She's been to a private mental health facility  and also to a public and to parc , had an private  psychologist  and psychiatric doctor  

And we are still not right . 

My best friends  daughter had a diagnosis  of bipolar 2 and straight away was put on the correct medicine 

And is fantastic  ! ( alittle  envious of this ) although  happy for the child x 

 My eldest is struggling  financially  emotionally  physically  as well 

Has sustained  some work and living out of home 

I'm a full time carer for a man with parkisons  disease with an income of $480 a week 

$220 is bills.

I so feel for you sweetheart  , it's the hardest thing in the world  to see someone  you love not want to live , and for me attempting  to die more than once 

 My personal  opinion is why  cant a brain scan be done ? 

The amount of drugs thrown at them is insane 

Suggestions  to help ? 

Public system  has seemed to offer more support for my youngest in terms of helping her get a job etc .. 

 They seem to have more resources  than private ? ( my experience  only ) 

  All l can offer is a chat and an eat 

And  wish you luck .. 

We have Been through every avenue possible  , 

At some stage it may be a case of we can only do so much 

I will obviously  love them to the day l die. Like you do , but unfortunately  ot takes its toll on us mote than anyone  realises or even wants to know . 

 Hugs  sweetheart  

Let me know how you go 

Possibly  tests for different  things as well xo 

[Lindaloo99]

Thank you - your words and advice is much appreciated - as are the other comments and feedback. I feel better already by sharing and will be following up suggestions x