Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Feelingsmall]

Yes - another newbie. Just knowing there are others out there with similar challenges is helpful. We have a 20 year old son who has been doing struggling and Christmas has been exceptionally tough. I hope to learn how some of you have helped your young adult children and kept your head above water when someone you love is at such a low point.

[tyme]

Welcome @Feelingsmall ,

Great to have you join us. I'm sorry to hear about your son. It sounds like a very difficult place to be in.

I can only imagine how much you need to connect with others just to stay afloat. I recognise it's not easy.

Does your son have any supports? Also, do you have supports for yourself?

We're here for you.

[Feelingsmall]

My son has totally isolated himself from others. When he is feeling ok he can sometimes connect with immediate family but when he is in a low and helpless spot he just disconnects and requests we help end his life. He has no interest in getting support so it can feel very helpless as a parent in these times. My wife and I find it is such a hard topic to share with others as they don’t understand the situation and struggle to relate. We are now taking some steps to actively look for options to help ourselves and in turn try and help our son.

[tyme]

Is he on anti depressants? @Feelingsmall 

The hardest thing is to see is when they refuse help.

One suggestion I can make is to take him to the emergency department when he is highly suicidal. Yes, he may say no, but it's better than him no longer being around. I recognise a 20 year old is not a kid you can pick up and take to ED so the other option is to call 000. 

In my area, they send out the PACER team which is a mental health professional who work with the police. They come and assess the person.

Once he is on the local mental health system, there's more scope to get support. 

The main thing is that you need to protect yourself and make sure you look after yourself.

I'm hearing how hard it is and how heart breaking it is for your son to ask you to help him end his life. He needs help. Let him know he deserves it. Even if he wants you to go with him to see the GP or something.

tyme

[Miss-wish]

Hi @Feelingsmall, I am sending you so much support. from the age of 8 years old, my now 24 yo had the same thoughts due to not fitting in/ being understood due to them being ASD ect. from 10 they started cutting clothes and by 16 they were cutting themselves, it is such a hard thing to deal with, not knowing how to help your child and you are extremely strong people to be doing what you are doing. 

If  you are in a place that takes mental health seriously, a plan like tyme suggested is great, but sometimes that's not possible unfortunately 😢 if it's not and because your son has said he doesn't want support, have you thought about seeing a psychologist to not only help you understand but help you support him?