Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[AnnaD]

Hello

i have posted before a few times and been advised to call but can’t get through on phone line.

My 37 year old son had a hospital admission recently ( his third one in the space of 13 months) This time he was so unwell with mania that it tipped over into a psychotic episode and the private hospital, where he was when this happened ,transferred him to a public one. To cut a long story short all his meds were changed and he is now on heavy doses, a mood stabiliser he hasn’t been on before and two anti psychotics. He is back home with is partner who has found this stressful to say the least.

As his mother I need guidance on how much or how little to try to do for him in practical ways like help him with paperwork and doctor visits to access disability employment services and see if NDIS can provide anything etc.

His partner is not inclined to do any of this and feels it up to him. But he is so lethargic everything seems overwhelming and advocating for one self can be hard even without a disorder as serious as this. He seems disinterested when I suggest form filling or a phone call to check something out and has so far declined my help in doing this with him.  I am feeling like I should push harder as all my backing away and “ giving him space” in the past year has not yielded anything positive…

He was referred to a bipolar support group but when he inquired about attending he was told it’s not currently running. 

can anyone in a similar situation provide suggestions/ support?

many thanks

[Former-Member]

Hi @AnnaD 

No I am not in a similar position

The only similarity I have when helping others is "Informed Consent"

Informed Consent gets thrown around a lot.

Not all people really understand the process or are capable of filling in forms or do not realise date frames.

People say leave it up to them. You have told them

But not all people do what they should when they should and although they consent, we are not all capable of all things

Especially with online stuff.

So I try and help and they may say I cannot help

Frustrating.

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @AnnaD 

Have you been trying to get through to the SANE drop in line? 1800 187 263

Not sure where you are located but The Blackdog institute may have some support options.

There is also Bipolar Australia 

It sounds like a very stressful situation and as a Mother, you just want to help any way you can. I don't have a great understanding of this but it may take time for doctors to get the right balance of medications and for them to start working also. It's an overwhelming situation so it's understandable it's hard to complete forms now. It sounds like you are doing the best you can to be helpful. 

I'm wondering if @Anastasia @Shaz51 have any useful ideas?

Wishing you all the best

[Appleblossom]

@AnnaD 

I have been/am in a similar position.  First off, the level of meds would also be dulling his interest and capacity to be motivated.  For me it has been a long suffering process.  I would see it as more of a mother role than a young partner role, but I have also been a spouse to someone with serious MI.  Which is part of the problem for my son ... ie it was his father.

I am available to chat, just tag me. If you read my profile you will see various posts about these issues , also on the lived Experience side.  

Bunker in for a long haul.  Self care and self protection is important. I love my son to bits, but it is difficult for us both.

I respect his own agency and issues like consent .... tho am a bit dubious about overdoing informed consent ... as I have also felt coerced to fill in forms that are difficult to understand the full consequences ... if I struggle .. then those in grip of altered states may have more trouble.

Think long term, about what is possible and best for both you and your son ... the partner comes along for the ride ... and if she is in for the long haul ... will have to pull some weight ...as that is the nature of all long term relationships ... IMO.

Sorry.  It is not an easy path... by any stretch of the imagination.

My son has rejected the NDIS but eventually and recently accepted a DSP.  I try and work with him where he is at ... and the services and the big wide world, where they are at ...

Take Care

Apple

[AnnaD]

Thank you Apple.
Helpful.

[CA63]

Thanks for your post AnnaD. This is my first post following my 31 year old son’s recent diagnosis of BPD1 and lengthy hospital stay. I can very much relate to your situation. I feel my every attempt to help him is thwarted. He has been living with me for the past three months, after losing his full time job, relationship, and with that, a place to live. I am sympathetic to the fact that his whole existence has been rocked. He has antipsychotic meds and mood stabilisers, but also medication prescribed for ADHD. The hospital team and his psychiatrist have been very professional and he appears to have responded well to treatment, however I have no consent to discuss his condition with  any of them. My son seeks independence but struggles to do most things on his own and can become quite aggressive. I’m seriously at a loss as to how I can help him. 

[AnnaD]

To CA63

Your situation sounds very stressful.

I hope you have someone else living in your home like a partner/ husband/wife to share the caring and support you are providing to your son.

My son is currently still in a relationship and living with that person, but having difficulty getting back into the workforce.

Job loss is often a massive blow, yet work is a much bigger challenge to those with complex mental health conditions.

Thinking of you. Use all supports available to you. 

AnnaD

[Edz]

I have a 34 yr old son with Bi polar 1. He has been diagnosed with this condition for the last 10 years. He has had many hospital visits, psychotic episodes, suicide attempts and trouble with the police. Through all this I have learnt that you can't help them unless they want to be helped. My son knows that he has my 100% support but he has to do the work. I don't judge him, or ask questions about where his been or what he has been up to or whether he has taken his meds that's on him. In return he knows he has a safe unjudgemental place to live.

I make appointments for him, pick up his meds, look after his therapy dog if he has to work. Cook dinner for him. He is an adult and he is responsible for himself.

I am trying at the moment to get him more support with One Door a organisation that helps with support groups, counselling, NDIS support packages and other things.

Perhaps if you enquire about more support, he may do better with someone trained to help him, he may feel better as well with a professional outside the family. 

I feel for you as it is a hard road but you can only do so much. Look after yourself, have some boundaries with your son and just do the best you can.

All the best.

[AnnaD]

Hello Edz

Thank you for your input and acknowledging that you have your own difficulties and concerns for your family member.
I am currently doing ok because my son is stable at the moment and has work.
Things could change, I know.
In the meantime I am doing things I like to do and getting some enjoyment from that.
The biggest challenge is stepping away from trying to solve and / or fix the problem when he is unwell. It is never possible and generally it ends up being something unforeseen that helps contribute to his stable periods, such as the unexpected opportunity for the work he has now ( temporarily).
Recently I heard of a friend of a friend’s experience with her offspring with the same. Illness having a psychotic episode after many years of stability. Seems like the meds can stop being effective after a period of time.
Take care.