Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Violet18]

Hi.  After a couple of really difficult years my husband, son and I are coming to terms with the fact that my older son's behaviour is damaging, designed to hurt and destructive and that we can't see him anymore.  We are getting counselling but I am desperate to talk with people who 'have been there'.  It's so lonely and my good friends mean well, but they just want me to keep doing mother things and I don't think I can.

[hanami]

Hi there

@Violet18 I'm so sorry you're in such a tough situation right now. It's totally understandable to feel so worn out from it all. I hope others can jump in and offer some ideas. But please take care, find some time to care for yourself. 

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[tyme]

Hey @Violet18 ,

Thank you for sharing. I can hear how hard it must be for all of you. I gather that your son doesn't live with you?

If you stop seeing him, do you think that will be enough for him to realise something's not right and that he should seek help? The hard part is, NPD is not really seen as something 'real' anymore. This is because it has been removed from the DSM. Hence, it would be about someone working with his thoughts processes which cause him to behave in unhelpful ways.

Has he ever seen a psychiatrist for a diagnosis? It may help guide the direction of how he can be better supported.

At the same time, if it means cutting your son off for a time for your own safety's sake, then so be it. You may also want to speak to someone from 1800 RESPECT. You need to look after yourself first.

Please know you are not alone. 

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @Violet18,

I have the same issue with my brother who has the signs of NPD. He is emotionally abusive and violent. I bailed him out of a court case only to get kicked in the face. Have had other similar experiences of being used even though I have not seen him in 30 years. When people mistreat us our heart shuts down and we naturally go into self preservation mode to protect ourselves. You may need time out to regain your bearings. 

Having our maternal caring instincts being abused is not ok. I don't think its the correct advice having our caring principle taken advantage of and being a self sacrificing martyr as others expect you to do. I would look into having a self administered kinesiological practice for your heart so you can begin to heal after what your son has done to you. I would also focus on a multitude of healing practices to heal you physically, spiritually and energetically.

The heart is the fulcrum through which every aspect of our being is tethered so you need a healthy energetic system emanating from your heart. This whole thing has taken a huge blow to your heart energy.

May I direct you to Catherine Carrigan, medical intuitive's channel on you tube. She has plenty of insights on heart health and how to use the kinesiological practice to heal a blocked and shut down heart. There are so many things you can do to heal. I wish you a wonderful healing journey. I am happy with the decision I made to restrict contact with my brother and won't be letting him fully into my life ever again or be used financially and emotionally