Son 23 years old with ADHD. I need help to help him.

[Mum76]

Hi I am new here and I need help and support to deal with my adult son who is stuck in a rut and can't seem to be able to move on with his life. I feel helpless and reply sad. I don't know how to help him. I have tried everything but just don't know what else to do. I am struggling with him and myself. 

[tyme]

Dear @Mum76 ,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that you feel so stuck. It must be hard for both yourself and your son.

Do you or your son have professional supports you can reach out to about the support he needs? Is he medicated for his ADHD?

Whilst we don't discuss the names and specifics around medication, I wonder if medication plays a part in what is happening?

Please know you are not alone. We have many members who have first hand experience when it comes to the effects of ADHD.

Is there anything you can think of that will help your son? What does he enjoy?

At the same time, what does down time look like for you? What do you like doing to relax?

[tyme]

Tagging some members @ArraDreaming @Glisten @Oaktree @Shaz51 @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope 

[Glisten]

Hi 👋🏼 @Mum76 welcome to forum. I raised 3 children on my own. Three generations of us with ADHD, anxiety, only my girls got dyslexia.

Do you have a family history of ADHD?

I don’t know what part of the country you’re in, but there is a ADHD Australian

https://www.adhdaustralia.org.au/ 

and ADHD WA https://www.adhdwa.org/ 

I have noticed a positive difference in my adult children when they have other adults of the same gender who also have ADHD. 
My personal experience is that as soon as I was diagnosed and on medication life got so much easier. It was such a relief.

No more meltdowns, I could balance. It was great until. Menopause.

G

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi and welcome @Mum76 

Newly diagnosed adult daughter, so I am on the learning curve.  She is relieved to be medicated, but still in the tweaking-the-meds settling in bracket, so early days yet ….. she has been in a life-rut in many ways, although trying to shift it, for some time, but is also hampered by a couple of other conditions (joints, digestive system, etc) so finding balance and a pathway forward is not easy.  

There may also be a bit of a grief journey involved, with “why me ?” or “why did this take so long to be identified ?” type questions to process, which can also explain the rut and needing that time in it to come to some terms.

In any case, you are not alone, and connecting to this community will provide you with listening ears and others to walk along beside you.

🌷 F&H

[Mum76]

Hi there

thank you so much for your message.

No we dont have any professional support to reach out to. my son was diagnosed in 2014 when he was 13 years old but he was in denial and didnt want to take his medication. and back then i didnt know much about adhd so i never pressured him to take it.

now that he is 23 it is really hard to get him re diagnosed.

my son use to enjoy drawing but he has stopped that in the last couple of years. he loves playing games and creating new maps for those games. he is really good in science as well.

I watch a lot of dramas to keep my mind occupied and i read as well. i have just started to learn a new language and i use to crochet as well but havent been able to continue. 

i have been dealing with my own issues with addiction. i have been clean for a year and 7 months now. 

[Mum76]

thank you so much for your message.

i dont know how to get my son diagnosed. he was diagnosed when he was 13 and didnt want to take medication. and back in the day i didnt know much about adhd so i never pressured him. 

i dont know what to do.

[Mum76]

i am in sydney. my son was diagnosed when he was 13 but was in denial and didnt want to take his medication. i dont know how to get him re diagnosed as an adult.

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome @Mum76 

how are you and your son going today 

my husband and his 3 boys have ADHD and ASD and I am sure my step daughter has something too 

Letting you know that you are not alone my friend 

also tagging @Jynx 

hugs @Faith-and-Hope 😍

@tyme , @Glisten 

[Jynx]

Thanks so much for the tag @Shaz51 💜

Hey @Mum76 first off just a little tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @Faith-and-Hope @Glisten @tyme 

I am sorry to hear that you're really feeling stuck with your son and his mental health. ADHD is a whirlwind in my experience (diagnosed late at 27 - you can read more of my story here if you're curious), with a lot of our struggles coming from the fact that we live in a world that pressures us to be able to live and maintain a standard of living that is on par with neurotypicals. And they don't have it much easier! What with hustle culture and an immense amount of value placed on 'being able to do it all independently'. We're not supposed to do that! We're social creatures by nature! None of us are meant to be able to do all of this life stuff by ourselves. 

Is that maybe a factor for your son? Him believing he 'should just be able to function'? Definitely was for me.

It also sounds like it's been really hard to find the right support. First off, is your son interested/ready to seek diagnosis? Sometimes we need to wait until our loved one is themselves ready to take that step - we can only open the door, they need to be the ones to walk through it. 

If the barriers to treatment are more systemic in nature, there's the option of looking for support via databases, like APS Find a Psych or there's Psych Today Find a Therapist - they're helpful cos you can filter your search by location and issue, or via telehealth if there's a lack of appropriate options in your area. 

I'll deposit a bunch of resources that you might find helpful in a tick - they're all from one of my go-to websites for ADHD stuff, ADDitude Mag. You can also come join us on the ADHD thread, where folks can share tips, stories, and experiences. Feel free to make a new post over there!! 

More reading - they may or may not be relevant to your situation, I just picked a bunch based on titles; if you google 'additude mag + [whatever topic you want info on] you can easily find more!

How to talk to your child about ADHD: Advice from fellow parents

My son left for college, now he's stuck

How to talk to your child about ADHD medicine

How to help your loved one with ADHD

Mending relationships with children: ADHD parenting tips

Conversations starters for parents and kids with ADHD - Questions to get your child talking 

Hope these help you navigate everything you're dealing with! I'm also always down to talk about  ADHD and my experiences of it, so please do tag me any time you wanna chat!