Triggers

[Former-Member]

You walk into the office and it smells like a hospital ward that has been cleaned to an inch of its life with bleach, you stand back waiting for the person to move away so you can let them know you are here. A man barks at you are you Is........? You nod because he startled you, read that and sign it. This piece of paper tells you what you can and can't do and you have no choice but to sign. He directs you into to his office and closes the door. You are transported back in time and you are terrified. You spend the next 45 minutes trying hard to answer his questions while trying not to focus on the images your mind is giving you. You know you've spaced out because he has a frustrated look on his face as you assume he is repeating a question you didn't hear. His final words to you are thank you for not making it to difficult, and you smile before running to the bathroom to vomit. 

The rest of the afternoon you fight your memories, you spend the afternoon flitting in and out, not really knowing where the afternoon has gone. 

[Millieme]

Sounds like how a lot of appointments i have had have gone. At some point lately Ive spent more time finding myself lost and not sure where i am or doing or going. No idea how to manage or get better though. hope your night gets a little better for you.

[Former-Member]

Morning @Millieme 

I just don't know how you are meant to be open and honest with someone you have only said hello to. I mean it took me nearly 4, 1 hour sessions before I opened up to my counsellor and workcover want it in five minutes 😞

I remember too well "waking" in a location I was not sure of how I got too, eating foods I don't like, being with someone I don't know. That was always so frigging scary. 

Thanks for the reply, happy to chat anytime💖

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member 

I felt the same feeling this evening. 😞

I didn't think my triggers were really there anymore. But nope. Back it came.

Im unsure how to manage it other then sleep tonight. Just sleep. No strange dreams. Just sleep. It takes strength to keep going. Only I feel this time I'm not explaining to anyone I don't feel comfortable with.

Its my life.
I hope you are doing ok. ❤️