Lived Experience Forum

[BryanaCamp]

I really should just k i l l myself @Maggie 

I'm at rock bottom. I reached out to a half sibling for the first time in my life when I was having a child abuse flashback and all she did was tell me she didn't care & she's very busy. Literally no one on the face of the earth cares if I am alive or dead. She would barely bat an eyelid if I killed myself. No one would notice, no one cares. No one cares that I exist. Struggling thru each day and each sleepless night is futile and meaningless. There is no reason for me to live in this torture. I really shoudl just k i l l myself and put myself out of my misery.

[Lauz]

Hi @BryanaCamp 

I am sorry to read you are feeling this way. How awful that would have felt to reach out to a family member like that and not get the support you deserve. Its really brave that you did reach out. I can hear how impactful these feelings of not wanting to be here are. We care as I am sure others here do and are concerned. We are sending you an email. I am just leaving these numbers here as well even though I am sure you are aware of them, but just in case. 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Is there anything else happening at the moment that your peers could help support you with? What kind of things do you tend to like to do for distractions when things are feeling this way?

[Maggie]

@BryanaCamp  I know words means very little when you feel like this, but I’m going to say as loud as I possibly can......I CARE. I HEAR YOU...YOU MATTER... I WOULD NOTICE IF YOU WERE NOT HERE.

I do know how you are feeling right at this moment, and it’s awful, really awful. I had a similar reaction from my brother a few years ago. I no longer keep in touch.

You are an intelligent person, with a fine mind. I have read many of your posts. You have come through hell, you know that.

For what it’s worth.....I’m sitting with you. Quietly...you don’t need advice...gentle caring thoughts coming your way. 💙💙💙

[CheerBear]

Just another here @BryanaCamp, wanting to let you know that I hear you too and would notice if you weren't around. I understand that might not mean much in this context though. It's really, really hard to reach out and have it be not helpful (or worse - to be harmful). You deserve better than that.

[Shaz51]

@BryanaCamp  we care for you my friend xx

talk to us 

@Maggie , @CheerBear 

[Maggie]

Thinking of you @BryanaCamp 

[Sans911]

I'm so sorry you were treated so badly @BryanaCamp. That sounds rely unfair and awful. Even though it mightn't make difference and I don't know you very well, I care whether you are alive or not. I've read some of your posts and they're often interesting, thoughtful and well written. You seem to care a great deal about other forum members. I'm hoping these awful feelings pass soon. 💕💕💕

[Ralph]

Replying to Maggie

  I have a slow phone that has some mental problems itself, it cannot understand Sane,  I cannot understand Sane.

 About a month ago, I referred to a few lines of a very well known song

(I am 62) (from the Rolling Stones) on a Sane forum, as well I wrote a very gentle poem of about 8 lines, on the issue you refer to, a gentle poem.

  I want to talk very gently to you, I have nothing to say except the tears wanting to drip off the end of my chin,

at the moment I actually can’t talk.

 The Sane computer wiped every line of the poem, AND as well as the lines quoted from the song (except for about 2 lines in total)

  That poem that I wrote on the Sane website is the only copy I have got. 

  Somewhere on Sane is other, (only copies) of poems I have written.

  I will tell a joke-

   In a mental home what is the difference between the patients and the staff?

   The staff have got the keys.

  @Maggie   @RALPH 

[Maggie]

@Ralph  you can contact the sane team. team@saneforums.org. I think someone might be able to find your poem. 

Sending caring thoughts to you. 💙💙💙

[Tortoiseshell]

Hey @Ralph, 

I'm sorry to hear that you have been trying to express yourself on the forums and have had poems or lines of poems taken down. I can imagine that is really distressing, especially if those were your only copies. 

I would echo @Maggie in saying please email us to get a copy of your poem from us. When the forums team ask someone to edit a post we also usually include the original post in the email, so you can search your inbox or even your 'junk' folder to see if that email is there. 

Also please have a look over the guidelines here or email us if you have any questions about the post being taken down. 

Take care everyone, 

Tortoiseshell