Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[pjc11]

Has anybody dealt with the person you care for with a mental  illness move out of the family home?. I want some advice about helping her in finding a place to live with low rent. Has anybody had support to do this and where did you find that support?. She is 32 and is hesitant to take such a huge step in her life. I am finding that she is irritable with me and has distanced herself from me and dosent want help or advice from me, she did in the past and I understand that she is an adult. She dosent work, never has, she relies on me to get things from the shops for her. she dosent drive and tells me she never will learn to do that. I am 64 now and I feel that the time has come for us to move on and for her to become independant for her own good. I hit a brick wall anytime I attempt to talk about this with so I am stuck. She has had many years of theraphy and no support for the last 2 years. What do people do in this situation.? Please do not suggest throwing her out of the house if she wont go on her own accord, that I wouldnt do to my dog. I want this to be a positve experience for us together. Places to contact and such like would be very appreciated. Thank you.

[Baboo]

Hello @pjc11,

I hope the experience of her moving out and finding her own will be a positive one too 😄

Is this person on centrelink benefits?

If you ask for a case manager from centrelink you can get advice on places in your area that can help.

I know Quantum Support Services in Victoria is a fantastic network. In the past i have turned to them for all sorts of questions- if their service doesnt have what i need for support, they tell me who can and give me their number.

Their number is 1800 243 455

and their email: mail@quantum.org.au

Baboo

[NikNik]

Hi @pjc11

That's a tricky one.

There are a few different places you could look into. There are live in services which are residential recovery programs.You mentioned she hasn't been in therapy for about two years though, so she may not be keen on that idea. Just in case - you can find examples of residential recovery programs here - It might not be relevant to your location, but these exists in most states.

The tricky part is that housing is a state governed issue - so it's different state to state. However, all states have information on housing through their .gov websites. For example, here is some info from Housing NSW

In terms of how to have a productive conversation with your daughter bout this, that's the tricky part I guess! You seem to be a wonderful support for your daughter - but it's also important that you put in some boundaries for yourself and also to benefit your daughter.

You may have stumbled across some of the discussions about boundary setting - like this one which appleblossom started, with great contributions from @Kiera80 and @Former-Member - you may want to check this out. Another great piece of practical advice I have come across about boundaries was from this week's Topic Tuesday, where @Hobbit spoke about working with your family member to create and agree to the boundaries. You can read the exact post here  (& hobbit, feel free to jump in!). Even though your situation isn't related to drugs and alcohol, I think the topic and skill of boundary setting is something well all have to be aware of.

You mentioned your daughter doesn't want to listen to or take your, advice. Is there anyone that you feel she trusts at the moment?

[CherryBomb]

Hi @pjc11

Sounds like you're stuck between a rock and hard place. From what you've written in your post, I get the sense that you are trying to support her, while also encouraging to be more independent. I think this is great, and I appreciate how difficult it can be finding the right balance.

MIND has some residential services for people affected by MI. Perhaps our mods @-karma- or @Baboo could share some info on these? I'm not quite familiar with them.

Some other places you could go for information and referrals are Spectrum, which provides support to people living with PD. I'm not sure what state you're in, but it's in VIC. Either way, it might be helpful to get in contact with them so that they can point out services in your local area.

@3forme and @Viv also have daughters with MI. Viv has a daughter with BPD You can read more about their experiences here. I wonder if they might be able to offer some advice.

Hope this helps

CB

[Former-Member]

Hi @pjc11,

It sounds like your daughter is very dependent on you. I can understand why you might want her to have alternative support especially as you are aging yourself. The organisation that comes to mind is GROW. You might check out to see if there is a group in your area. I think it is easy to find if you check online. It is a 12 step program aimed at helping people who are struggling with peer support. If you wanted to contact them you might be able to go along with your daughter to a couple of meetings as a family member to support her. If it works for her the group would be able to support her to become more emotionally independent.

Just thought I would mention this option.

Hope you are also taking care of yourself.

cheers,

Carer101

[Viv]

Hi pjc11,

It is hard finding a balance between supporting your daughter and keeping yourself financially and emotionally stable. Values based boundaries are the key to this challenge.

In my case, my husband and I have bought a two bedroom unit as an investment in case our daughter became homeless. She doesn't know this, it is just in case. But every case is different, different economics, different circumstances.

There are supports for families of someone with BPD here in Vic, that may be able to provide you with support. There is BPD Community Vic which has regular Info nights and NEA BPD Aust which offer a Family Connections course. MIND have a Carer's night on the first Wed of the month also.

To find the support you need to understand your situation and your options, try reaching out to the good people there.

Take care,
Viv

[pjc11]

Thank you all for the replies. carer 101, I have never heard of GROW, so thank you so much. I will talk to my daughter about them and show her what services they offer. I am taking more care of myself these days and she is good with that . She is a caring woman and we have been through so much together. This place GROW sounds so good so I hope they can help my daughter. I will keep you all up todate with whats going on. All the best to everyone. Take care.xx

[pjc11]

hi Viv, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I will def look them up. I hope we can sort this out as I know my daughter will grow as a person when she becomes independant. It is a big step after so many years living with me. I also feel it will be a big change for me too. I am scared of the lonliness but I will be okay. I shall look forward to having more time for myself. Still have my son who is living with us too. He has a different set of circumstances, but im sure we shall work it out in time. Thank you all so much for replying to my post, You are all so amazing with great advice and suggestions of who to contact. Love to you all. xx