Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[peppy]

hi guys 

first time on this forum and not good on computer so expect anything.my daughter has been told she has anxiety disorder personality disorder and borderline bipolar quite a list ..she is 26 and a single mother or should i say i am an older mother .she has been in violent relationships on the drug ice and been in a mental hosp twice  .she says she wants a normal life but wont get professional help she stops taking her meds and we get massive violent mood swings she self harms to. We think ice may be out of the picture but cant be sure now i guess just wondering if anyone been thru all these things at once.

[NikNik]

Hi @peppy ,

Welcome to the Forums. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter. It must be really hard - she says she wants to lead a normal life, but she hasn't taken up the actions and behavours to get to a 'normal' life.

Sadly, lack of insight or denial is quite common. I know that @Ant1 has had similar experiences, which you can read more about here

If I recall correctly, @Louise has a son who was diagnoised with bipolar, who has had good experiences with medication. So there is hope out there.

In the Lived Experience Forum, there's a great discussion here about what bipolar feels like. You might find it interesting. Could you suggest the Lived Experience Forums ro your daughter? It's a place where she can share her experinces and others who have been in similar situations can respond and share how they delt with their tough times.

In the meantime, it's really important to look after yourself too. I would imagine it's really stressful and that looking after yourself is the last thing on your mind, however, you won't be helpful to your daughter unless you take care of yourself too.

Perhaps a few members can share how they have managed these situations - where the person they care for doesn't want to seek help?

Nik

[Louise]

Hi Peppy and welcome. I hope you will find some help and support here. It sounds like you are going through a very tough time. Ice sounds like a very destructive drug so I really hope your daughter is no longer using. If she is still using, the first priority would be to tackle that I reckon. ( apart from looking after yourself!! )

My son has Bipolar, which came about after he'd been using drugs for about 6 months. He received excellent care in hospital for about 4 weeks and has been going really well on medication for about 6 months. I'm disappointed that he recently started using marihuana again, but the psychiatrist isn't OVERLY concerned about it, as he is going so well in other respects: eg, he takes his medication when I remind him and sometimes remembers himself, he studies, socialises well and plays sport. I hope he will only use marihuana occasionally but only time will tell.

I think anxiety disorders commonly occur with psychotic illnesses. I struggled with OCD myself for 35 years and both my sons have obsessive tendencies.

So you are not alone.

If Ice can be eliminated, other things could gradually improve. Some of the medications these days are excellent, much better than they used to be

I do hope things improve for you

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @oeppy if you are in Victoria you can attend ARC Action Recovery Course I hat is run by SHARC Self Help Addiction Resource Centre
They can be found at www.Sharc.org.au
Sharc runs its ARC all over metro Melbourne, and maybe they're interstate..
Narcotics Anonymous has helped many people through addictions. I am not sure if there's a support for families like Al Anon, Al Anon might be able to point you in a good direction.
Also Family Drug Help..

If you can encourage your daughter to consider referring herself to MHCSS mental health community support service, if she is eligible and I think she would be, they offer one on one support and often peer led program like PeerZone or there are groups in community like Grow or Voices groups..

Must be pretty hard on you both but I am glad she has left violent relationships and you have a granddaughter.. Being a mum can be a strong force for change..

[peppy]

hi guys thanks for replying a lot has happened sinced 2/4 daughter off meds started to feel out of control she wanted to go to hosp i told her to take her meds that is what doc at hosp will say so she did 7 of them in fact then she started the killing herself talk shouting swearing total out of control where she changed her mind about hosp my husband had to call police she got so out of control they helped us get her to hosp where they checked if any damage done with the tablets they gave her more drugs to knock her out kept her the night then told me they couldnt do anything until just give her names of groups to join counsillors to talk to she also has Bpd and hears voices she fights everyday with these voices  so how is she in right frame of mind to do as they say since the hosp she has gone awol again we prob seen her for 2hrs then nothing she wont answer her phone and she hanging with drug friends again its been a week i dont know if she is alive or dead  has anyone got any other suggestions as its affecting all the family, I feel so bad as i have sent her angry msg just to get her to bite back so i know shes alive and after she shows up she will say she really wants to do the hard work to get well then her phone will ring and she goes out for a coffee and i know i wont see her again for a couple of days  what a mess and the thing is she is a lovely girl we just dont see much of the real her when we do see her its like we watching her dissapear. .im sorry for babbling on its just doing my head in  thanks again for listening

[Louise]

Hi Peppy

Sorry to hear you are still going through such a tough time. It sounds like a real rollercoaster! It's so hard not hearing from your daughter and not knowing how she is.

There are times when there is literally nothing you can do to change a situation. You ring, text, make enquiries and hear nothing back. The best thing you can do then is look after yourself. Breathe. Lie down. Read a magazine. Try and meet up with a friend just for a coffee or a walk.

Have a rest, build up your strength, and hopefully you will get a fresh perspective on things.

I hope you are getting some comfort and support from others in your home. It's great that you are posting on here. Maybe  you could also join a group where you can meet up with people who are going through similar things? You don't have to go through this on your own.

Here's hoping you will soon see your daughter and that she will decide to stop using drugs, 

best wishes

Louise

[peppy]

Hi louise thanks for replying. Well I have heard from daughter she moved home 3 days ago slept 2 1/2 of those and informed me its not the drugs thats her problem its Bpd the drugs help. I have offered to get her into rehab if she willing but got a mouth full of abuse,she has stormed out and told me she would see me whenever I have told her if she goes of qgain she wont come back til she wants help my heart is broken i feel so helpless but there is a child to consider here and i dont trust her alone with him as she loses it so easily  And her language around him is terrible. .I never thought this life for any of my kids as im sure those of you going thru the same or similar things would agree.  what the future holds i dont know anymore im just living one day at a time waiting for i dont know what to happen.

[Louise]

Hi Peppy

Yes it is hard watching our children struggle with mental illness and drug use, certainly not something we wanted for them. We have to adapt to it. We have to learn how best to help them and it's not easy. Keep reaching out for help and advice from SANE and other groups and you can always ring Lifeline too. You could try making an appointment for face-to -face counselling at Lifeline.

You are going through a particularly difficult time right now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully your daughter will agree to getting help and start making some positive decisions soon. Maybe the fact that she is a mother now will prompt her to do that? Is your grandson living with you?

Cheers, Louise

[peppy]

Hi Louise,      yes grandson lives with us and mum has gone off four days now with no word .Its getting frustrating now as she will come home whenever as if shes been here the whole time she does her own thing then a friend will ring her she will say she going out for an hour and maybe 3 or 4 days later she comes home wont say where she has been and  it starts again .I am beginning to wonder sometimes if she just selfish and inconsiderate as she  knew ive been sick with the flu and left me to get on with her responsibilities she comes home laughing on phone etc.which now is getting to me after all these years and i feel guilty feeling angry with her .I guess im asking if this is normal behavior for someone with Bpd..          

          Peppy....

[Louise]

Hi Peppy

I'm glad to hear your grandson is safe with you.

BPD is a mental disorder that affects a persons ability to relate to other people. People with BPD are often emotionally unstable, unusually impulsive and have difficulty controlling anger. They may use drugs or self-harm as a way of dealing with their frustrations and difficulties.

The drug use is particularly unhelpful so the most important thing for your daughter is to stop using drugs if possible. Or at least cut down and avoid the worst drugs like ice.

Have you heard of Carers Australia ( www.carersaustralia.com.au )? They offer a lot of quality free services to people caring for family members affected by mental illness/ drug and alcohol use. Here in Tassie they offer Carer Support and Wellbeing Checks where they talk to you to assess what sort of help you may need to support you in caring for your daughter, give you info and referrals to other services. They also offer free counselling and support groups - where you can talk to people going through similar things.

I had a friend with BPD who had a child when she was 18 and she was using drugs. Eventually she decided to adopt the child out. Later, she stopped using drugs so much, went on to raise a second child and now runs her own business.

Don't forget to look after yourself. Is there anyone else helping you to look after your grandson? you probably need to take some time out for yourself by now!

best wishes and as always, I hope things improve soon xx