Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[KitKat17]

Hi, this is my first time posting to the forum but I am worried about my adult daughter who has schizophrenia and is marrying someone who also has schizophrenia soon.  She is presently having a relapse and has never lived well with her illness for any great length of time.  She met this person under a year ago and they are now getting married in a few months after his mother made all the arrangements without my knowledge.  They also intend to have children as soon as possible. I have a good relationship with my daughter and also the person she is marrying but i am extremely concerned about how this is all going to turn out. The person she is marrying is quite controlling, but in a very loving way, and my daughter has gone from a person who is quite independent to very dependent on him.   I am happy she has met someone and is in a relationship but I feel this is moving very quickly and is getting out of hand.  Has anyone had an experience like this who could give me some advice as to how to handle this.  Thankyou.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @KitKat17

There are no easy answers when emotions are involved are there... before she started the relapse did you have an opportunity to speak to your daughter about how she would like to manage her mental health going forward? ie if she is in a particular state or showing particular symptoms you step in? and how she and her husband to be would like to be responded to if they are both becoming unwell at the same time? 

It sounds like you are very concerned about her making a clear headed descision as well as any potential genetic predispositions inherited by your potential grandchildren, however I am guessing that your daughter has thought of that at some stage and come to some conclsuion/understanding she may not yet have shared.

if you havnt already is it possible to start these conversations so you can hopefully feel a bit more confident in her descision making capabilities and know she has a back up plan?

What do other people think? ideas?

@astrengthinever @MIFANTCARER @Tadpole

[Appleblossom]

Marriage and children are never easy.  There are no guarantees in life.  As the child of 2 people who were diagnosed with schizophrenia ... I have had an extraordinary existence of highs and lows. There have been great tragedies.  I also married someone diagnosed with schizophrenia.  I have barely survived however I am also very grateful for the privilege of parenthood and am amazed and humbled as I watch my own children's choices.

I believe a calm supportive "watchful waiting" approach to be the best.  Adults need to be able to sort out things ... so a bit of distance is good and keep something in reserve if needed.

[coffeegirl]

Hi @KitKat17

Perhaps you could suggest pre marriage counselling? It could be done with either one of their current professionals, or you could seek someone out. 

In pre marriage counselling, regardless of whether someone has a mental illness or not, they talk about boundaries, conflict and other potentially high stress situations that couples could come across, and puts strategies in place to manage these if they arise. As part of the discussion, the could include how to take care of yourself and each other. 

I'm not sure if your daughter has a good relationship with her treating team, but they might be able to assist with conversations about the relationship too.

CG