Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Janiee]

Its ice cream....anything will do lol @Former-Member, although I am partial to salted caramel or english toffee.

I sorta get numb to it, then there's a bit of respite and I lower my guard, then WHAM she sucker punches me lol. I just have to keep telling myself its not the real her, I want that girl back!

[Former-Member]

Living grief @Janiee

No bowl required, straight out of the tub today.

[Determined]

@Janiee

Can relate to most if not all of that 😔

Lack of insight into behaviours and lack or memory or acknowledgement particularly after an event is definatly, for me,  one of the hardest things to accept. 

Feeling for you at the moment and will be thinking of you tomorrow as you travel and go through the appointment.  Trusting travel will be safe and not too tense. 

Here and listening even if I can't always reply right away. 

[Janiee]

Thank you @Determined, I'll be driving by myself, which is hard to keep your mind from going to the worst case. But she is still talking about getting help, so I'm fixing on the positives there now. Will let you know how it goes 😊

[Determined]

@Janiee

Trust today has gone ok.

[Janiee]

So in yesterday's drama packed episode of days of my life (I have to laugh ir I'll cry...again lol), we got to the psychiatrists, he asked a lot of questions and she was honest in her answers (as she sees it), he asked me some questions, asked her father some questions, there were tears from me and her. I thought it went ok, he only diagnosed her with major depression and anxiety and said he would like to talk several times to her in order to decide if there is any other problems (bipolar or bpd etc). We had to go into see a dr afterwards and thats when things went down hill. Her father walked out, she started crying more cause she thinks he doesn't care and isn't behind her 100% in getting better. He only wants to have a relationship with her if she is better. In a perfect world we wouldn't be having these problems, but its not a perfect world and you have to be there for the bad times to truly appreciate the good times. As a parent you can't just pick and choose when you will be there. I know its hard, some days I would love to run away, but she is my child,  I love her dearly and could never walk away like that. This is part of the problem, when we seperated, he sort of turned up when he felt like it, got in touch when he felt like it and now he is doing the same thing. He can't see that him not being there beside her, is effecting her. 

There was some blaming me when we left, I should have stopped him going, I should have said more in the drs etc, but she did calm down after a while and told me she loved me, also rang me on my way home to see if I would be able to get home with the fires or should I come back and stay with her and texts to see if i was home safe and a phone call after that. It almost made me cry, this is my girl who cares about other people and was concerned about someone other than her self. It was a glimpse of who she was and it made me happy, even if it might not last. I don't know where we are going from here, she was very discouraged and I told her to just think on it, don't make any rash decisions while she was so upset. So I'm back to waiting again... @Determined @Former-Member

[Determined]

@Janiee

This is a big start.

Trust follow up appointments go well and progress can be made.

Was thinking about you with all the travel and potential for conflict with the appointment. 

[Janiee]

I sorta knew things wouldn't go as she wanted with her father there. I don't know if he just has no clue (less than me) how to help or he is so set in his ways or he thinks it's tough love. The thing with tough love is  the love has to be shown too, not all tough. Its all well and good sticking to his guns, but that ends up with me trying to be her only constant support. I'm not trying to get out of responsibilities but it would be nice to be able to have him helping too. I should have known better than to call him and try to get him involved, its just built her up for another let down that she is not mentally strong enough to deal with. It pretty much sums up the last 10 years since we split, he went on to do whatever he wanted to do, not being there financially or emotionally for the girls and just rocking up for the good times or when he felt like it. As much as my husband is there for her, he isn't her Dad and all little girls want their Dad.  Ok, end of moaning and whinging now lol @Determined

[Determined]

Really feel for your daughter there @Janiee

Rejection percieved or real can and does have a high emotional cost 🙁

She is blessed to have a great mum to support her through this. 

[Shaz51]

Really feel for your daughter there @Janiee

sending you hugs and your daughter knowing hugs as I kept on getting rejected from my father -- but that is another story xxx

did you say your daughter is just on anti depressants as my mr shaz found out the anti depressants did not work for him until 3 years ago when the specialist put him on anti anxiety meds as well

we still have lots of ups and down but not as bad as they were years ago