Drained

[Snowflake11]

Hey everyone, I've just lost three more days of my life to fkn BPD. As a result of the three day struggle to survive, I am completely wrung out in every way. It's an effort to type. It's a glorious day and I'd love to be out in it, in the sun in the garden...with the dogs, pegging out the washing etc etc. But here I am again on the couch. I took my meds too late today and my head is zapping like nothing else. I have come out the other side of this episode and the sense of wanting to die has diminished somewhat, but I am feeling that anger that I've sensed lately, about my diagnoses. IF ONLY IT COULD'VE BEEN 20 OR EVEN 30 YEARS AGO!! What a complete difference things could have been. I'm feeling fucked off and ripped off. 

In trying to be the usual positive person that I am, I have a question for you guys:

BPD Awareness Week is coming up and I am thinking of making a short video to post to a bunch of my FB friends who I would be happy to share this with. I think there absolutely needs to be more awareness around this disorder and I guess with most things, it starts in the home as they say. 

So - thoughts? Stupid idea that I'll regret? Would love to hear what you guys think of my idea. 

I do hope you're all travelling well today. Sending love & hugs 🤗💗🤗💗🤗💗

[outlander]

hi @Snowflake11
it sounds really tough for you and as someone who also experiences BPD I can relate to some of the challenges you may face.
in regards to making a video, that's totally up to you and what your comfortable in doing.

[Angels333]

Hi @outlander @Snowflake11  I too have BPD.    Snowflake, it sounds like your last few days have been a nightmare, sorry to hear that.

I totally get you snowflake BPD is isolating and not many people understand.

I'm struggling a bit right now as I'm going through a  med change. 

Totally hear you 

Love Angels333 

[Reachingoutfs]

If it makes you comfortable to do it, do it. Personally, i say share the story and the challenges, feelings and supports you get. Give it air and exposure it can only be good in the long run.

[Snowflake11]

Hey @Angels333 and @outlander , it's like an oasis in the desert to talk to people who actually know how I actually feel. Angels, I hope your med change doesn't mess you up too much... It's a pisser there's no actual medication for Borderline. I get why there's not, given its complexities. But it still sucks.

Big hugs to you both, we walk a tough road at times. Hope to get to know you both over this forum xx

[Snowflake11]

Hey @Reachingoutfs, I reckon you're right. Given that the population percentage of people with diagnosed (and undiagnosed) BPD is so low, it's safe to assume so many other people have absolutely zero idea that it even exists.
I'll see how I go, and hopefully have the guts and stamina to get it done. Thanks for your feedback x

[Bushman]

Hi @Snowflake11 

Feeling ripped off- me too. Just turned 47, undiagnosed but tested myself a million times and my doctor thinks I have BPD too. I have a referral- just haven't acted on it. 

I reckon I've been sufferring since around 17, maybe earlier. I just thought I was unique to suffer from depression constantly. My mania- well I just thought that was me- risky, going off, enjoying life to it's limits. Happy to survive. 

I've never been able to hold onto a relationship and couldn't understand why. Now I'm 47 and understand why- bit late- ripped off. It's all I wanted in life was to love and be loved. 

Anyway, so right now I just live day to day not really caring about life or death. But I am lucky to have a really good mate to help me do things I should enjoy. I manage my depression with a great dog, Gemma. I get out in nature a lot, exercise and look up. Looking up is a great way to get those endorphins going. 

So I know how you feel with the ripped off part. I'm just so happy I found someone that feels like me- you're the first one I've found. You're not alone, so keep on going and remember there's always hope. 

[Angels333]

Hey @Bushman , nice to hear from you.  Sorry you feel your Mental Health has ripped you off.  If I'm honest with myself I feel the same way.   I hope you can follow up on your referral to the psychiatrist BPD is treatable, the psychiatrist might have a plan for you.   Glad you have your dog with you.

Angels333 

[outlander]

mental health can be very tough indeed @Angels333 @Bushman @Snowflake11 it can take so many things away from us. totally turn our lives upside down. What I am grateful for though is the forums, like many others I don't really have good supports or they aren't sure how to help me but being here and being able to talk to others who share these experiences has been a really good help. I do hope that itll be most helpful for you guys too.