Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BPBear]

Hi,

This is a bit selfish in that I need to vent. Thought about posting via existing discussion but feel more comfortable initiating new discussion rather than barging in via someone elses discussions.

My nephew has BiPolar. I have looked after him since his mother died when he was 14. He is now 26 and still living with me. About this time last year he swung from depression to mania, getting progressively worse until he was involuntarily sectioned in September. That's when he was officially diagnosed and since then has been medicated and responsible about taking his meds.

So far so good, But!!!.........he has just swung from his depressed state to the beginning of mania and I have a distinct feeling of deja vu and a dread of what might transpire. The positives are that he recognised the change of mood and saw his psych who has taken him off anti depressants and prescribed another mood suppressant for him, however the concern arises from the fact that I have not seen him since Wednesday night and this is a pattern that is familiar when he is manic. I have been in touch with him and he is rational and receptive to advice however I'm not sure I want to go through this period again....and again.....and again.

This will be the fourth episode and although it is starting milder and with more encouraging symptoms, vis a vis, his recognition of the change, I must admit to a feeling of  frustration and anger because my hope was that by now, I would be able to get on with my life and interract with him on an adult level rather than still having to be in effect, his carer. The anger also stems from the fact that his father, who only wants to be a parent when it suits him, is currently using his son's condition to pursue me through VCAT. But it is me who is doing the caring and providing the sanctuary. Sorry, but I believe I did say I needed to vent at the beginning.

I need someone, anyone, to give me a bit of affirmation and advice on how to handle this next stage.

Thanks for 'listening.'

[BPBear]

So.... I have just received a message from his on again off again gf that he is in a bad way at a bar in Chapel Street and messaging her madly, fluctuating between rational and irrational.

The saga continues.

Definitely Deja Vu.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @BPBear

Welcome to the Forums.

Caring for your loved can be really exhausting. Many people who care for an adult child find that they experience frustration and grief. These feelings can stem from having a sense of loss for a life they were planning for. It's only natural that carers look forward to having a break once their loved ones grow up and become independent. So when this doesn't happen, caring can being to feel like a life sentence. But it doesn't have to be this way. Taking care of yourself is so important.

It's completely ok to set your limits. By this, I mean get to know what you can and can't do, and what you are willing to do and not willing to do. Being clear about what you can take on board can help both you and your nephew because it will help preserve your well-being, and it can also help him to develop to care for himself too. Are there any other family members, and friends that he can get support from? You might find this resource for family caregivers useful.

@pjc11 is going through something a bit similar. They have a daughter with mental illness who they live with and want to support to become more independent. You can read more about it here. Perhaps @pjc11 can offer some thoughts here?

CB

[BPBear]

Cheers @CherryBomb

Given that it is a mental illness I'm not sure what I am and am not prepared to do. My initial response to this situation that is just developing was anger but the on again off again gf pointed out the obvious to me and I settled down.

I will definitely follow up your links.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @BPBear

I hope that today has been a better day.. i dont think it is selfish at all, we all need to vent and it is healthy to do so!!!

It is great that you feel comfortable to share such personal information, I know there are a other people on here who are also caring for a young person such as @Louise and have experience in this area @BeHappy @coffeegirl that might be able to offer advice....?

did you also see the thread son with bipolar?

I can hear that your intentions are coming from a place of love and that is the best that you can do, be kind to yourself

[Louise]

Hi @BPBear

Welcome to the forums. Please don't feel that you are selfish for wanting to vent occasionally! It is perfectly understandable that you would be feeling a mix of emotions as your nephew seems to be entering a manic stage. I hope you will find support here.

I can't offer much advice because although my son was diagnosed with Bipolar in October last year, he is a fair bit younger, not quite 18. So I don't have as much experience as you! I do know what an intense time it was though, when he was manic, psychotic and hospitalised. It definitely became the over whelming centrepiece of my life, the most pressing priority. And after the initial shock and emergency came a long period of uncertainty about what the future holds for him, and for me.

My son has recovered very well and takes his medication and has shown no sign of developing depression. Once or twice I thought he may be a little unstable...but no, he keeps travelling really well thankfully. Naturally, I'm hoping he will recover completely and never have another manic episode, so I can relate to you feeling frustrated and even perhaps angry that your nephew seems to be heading into another episode. It is disappointing and worrying and consuming.

 Be kind to yourself, I'm sure you've already done a wonderful job of caring for your nephew. Take time out for yourself whenever possible just to relax, sleep, chat to a friend, go for a walk, cook yourself a decent meal. Keep reaching out for all the support you need. I wish you all the best too, in identifying which of your goals and plans you don't want to give up on. As your nephew grows older it will do him good to see you persevering with your own life despite the obstacles.

Best wishes, Louise