Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[maddison]

Hi @Milicent 

I'm so glad you reached out. I have been in similar place to you and it feels hopeless and desperate. 

I'll try to list a few things that have helped me.

I started part of my journey with this book 

I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help! How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment

Book by Xavier Amador

It's a bit old fashioned, however I found it useful in the way it explains the importance of being an ally. My situation did not change, however, I did get peace of mind & reassurance. 

When you say that your son has periods of being very unwell, I'm wondering how long these last? Have you considered calling triage/CAT/ITT during these times to have him assessed? Could this possible lead to him being able to be linked in with a community mental health team?

I assume he has been on a CTO & stopped his meds when it ended. This is very common in my experiencing, & heartbreaking. Don't give up hope. I believe behaviours can change. He probably realises, on some level, that he is actually self medicating with the alcohol. It is very sad, as the alcohol changes people's personalities, & is probably clouding his insight further. I can understand why you say, you can no longer help him.

These forums have also helped me incredibly. I feel so much less isolated by connecting with other carers & also other members who are struggling or have lived experience of mental illness. It can help me gain perspective and insight into my own situation.

Reaching out, & educating myself has helped

 me feel empowered & impacted my own Mental health in a positive way. I am learning that I cannot force another person to behave in a responsible & mentally healthy way. It's ok to let go. To me, it's different than giving up. The goal is to arm myself with as many resources as possible, engage professional support & make myself strong, so that I can be strong if they ever decide they need me.

[Milicent]

Thanks Madison I can feel you may have been in a similar situation too. I will certainly get that book. 

It is hard to let go, as I know how far he may fall. Helps never really there I took him to PA (bris) twice so did ambulance and police he just gets turned away. Terrible feeling of hopelessness in those situations. 

[Milicent]

Thank you I'm working my way through those links trying to figure out what I can suggest.

[maddison]

Yes, I understand what you are saying @Milicent Letting go is difficult & sometimes it might not be the right thing. It is a complicated balance. We are put in impossible situations, where sometimes we have to make decisions about another person's life & I have felt totally out of my depth when these situations occur. I don't know if their is a right or wrong course of action.

To see him fall might be unbearable & damaging. There is also the idea that sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they change. I don't know where your son is at. Maybe you have an instinct on what to do?

Being turned away from medical support is devastating. 

You are doing great by reaching out here. Tiny positive steps each day is something! I have become anxious, stressed & my sleep affected in the past. It is important to be gentle & kind with myself. 

'YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT, YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT, AND YOU CANNOT CURE IT.'