30-01-2021 05:54 PM
30-01-2021 05:54 PM
Oh Hugs (((( @Former-Member ))))
Adge
30-01-2021 06:01 PM
30-01-2021 06:01 PM
Dear @Former-Member , I totally get it as 3 Feb is my wedding anniversary and 5 Feb sister’s birthday.
My head is screwed up too
Grief never goes away but we can still swim 🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️
30-01-2021 11:12 PM
30-01-2021 11:12 PM
Yes sad Anniversaries are really hard @Former-Member
That would be so hard, putting flowers on your daughter's headstone.
I've seen my Dad's headstone, since his Funeral 5 years ago - I've not been back to Sydney, since then.
The way my closest relatives (family) treat me - I don't feel like going there at all.
No Bed, "You can sleep on the floor", "We cannot find a Mattress for you to sleep on", etc.
Every single time I've been back there, for the past 25 years.
Sorry, I digress - My Dad's Anniversary is on March 20th, 5 days after my Birthday.
So the whole week or so around my Birthday is now Grief time (or triggering).
I was never able to grieve my Dad's loss effectively - Every single one of my relatives refused to talk of Dad (& would not let me talk of him), as soon as he died.
Then the Grief Telephone Counselling service Patronised & ridiculed me so badly - That I never sought help from Grief Services ever again (& never phoned them again).
Unfortunately that left me with no expression for my Grief over Dad's Loss at all - because no-one, not a single soul would allow me to talk about Dad (to them).
Shame on Them.....
I grieve over my lost childhood (I never really had one) - No childhood innocence, fun & play.
It was all Trauma - Severe neglect & abuse.
Prolonged childhood trauma & SA is also something to grieve.
As I say, "I want a Re-Run of my Childhood & the past 30 to 40 years" - Not a Repeat obviously.
Just Normal Healthy Experiences, instead of what I had.
Thinking of you.
Adge
31-01-2021 11:32 AM
31-01-2021 11:32 AM
31-01-2021 03:07 PM
31-01-2021 03:07 PM
Yes I shall try to think "My Birthday", then " @Former-Member 's Birthday" in March.
Rather than the sadness of people gone.
Thanks.
Will try to write/ reply more to you later.
Adge
31-01-2021 06:52 PM
31-01-2021 07:02 PM
31-01-2021 07:02 PM
A Pity we're not Cavemen & Cave-Women Anymore @Former-Member
I so need to get my Caveman Cudgel, & hit them with it....
Don't worry, I'm a very Gentle person, not prone to any violence - The co-worker who assaulted me was violent.
It is tempting though - Where is my Cudgel....
"Everyone grieves in their own way" (people said) - They read that statement in a Textbook somewhere, & said it to excuse those who would not let me talk about Dad.
It's supposed to be a statement of caring & acceptance - not used to stop someone from talking or grieving (instead they said it to patronize me).
Sorry, I don't want to be a downer - I'll get over it....
Adge
31-01-2021 07:39 PM - edited 31-01-2021 07:58 PM
31-01-2021 07:39 PM - edited 31-01-2021 07:58 PM
Yeah, clomp 'em on the head lol. I've imagined doing much worse to my abusers. Even had a 'hit list' end game mapped out in my head for years. Had to let it go. My anger scares me. Don't you feel angry?
Don't worry, there WILL be a reckoning, their day is coming
National FORGIVENESS DAY tomorrow @Adge or is that today? Kinda makes me reflect on my offenders, letting go, somehow 😒 we gotta forgive, even Jesus mandates it.
Went out this Arvo, to tip Recycle shop to find a long mirror for wardrobe and something to put my plants on out back. Found them ✔️ but also grabbed an old narrow day-bed for $20, for the van, its much stronger frame than what I built for the car last year. Well, that's the plan / excuse for more stuff 😗 Hope to get back into travelling again soon ,Fear donit properly, while i still can, afraid age is gonna beat me though, so much pain today, and left knee packing in.. Barely made it home today, fatigue as well. Might need to start iron supplements or something. Anyway, had to go straight to bed.
TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT... Do you find Valentine's Day difficult? Does it classify as an 'Bad' aniversary? Reminds me of what I don't have. Kind of a loss but not trauma is maybe the best way to see it. Highlights being 'alone' too. Don't ya think?
31-01-2021 07:55 PM
31-01-2021 07:55 PM
Careful with that knee of yours @Former-Member
Good job getting those things, & organising stuff.
My knees have been giving me trouble for years, ever since Bursitis in one knee - now my hips as well.
Putting stuff together is challenging for me - I spent several hours, just trying to put an office (wheelie) chair together (out of a box).
Nothing quite goes together, the way it shows in the Diagram.
Valentine's Day, yep - Focuses totally on couples "Being Romantic" with each other.
Cannot do that when you're single, so feel totally left out (disfranchised) - Want to be "Lovey Dovey Romantic", yet there's no-one to be "Lovey Dovey" with....
So much of societal attitudes & structures assumes that "everyone has a partner" (everyone is a Couple), which is Alienating in itself.
eg Motel Room/ Hotels you have to pay a "Single Supplement" - It costs you more $ to have a Bed/ Room on your own.
I'm totally in favour of Romance & Lovey Dovey (yes I'm a Softie) - It's just that society's assumptions & exclusions (for Single people) are wrong.
Adge
31-01-2021 08:11 PM
31-01-2021 08:11 PM
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