@Bipolarcarer
par for the course it is I'm afraid.
Mine isn't just bipolar, he is autistic as well so he is very, very easily triggered. He is not selfish when he is himself, his nature isn't selfish, but his ASD means he often views situations very differently to the majority of the population.
I have never found the phone lines helpful as they always take the stand that I have to leave - I certainly get the vibe that men are always "the bad guy". Excuse the pun. Sure, the way I am treated sometimes isn't right but his mental health is very complicated. It mitigates his actions. It's not the same as a husband only mistreating his wife if he's drunk and then being sorry, promising not to do it again, and then doing it again.
I have found the crisis lines too simplistic in their approach with no practical solutions offered other than ending the relationship. Having said that, I have enjoyed sometimes just having someone to tell. The few times I have actual felt physically unsafe I have left.
I am a widow of nearly 60 years, so my children are grown and gone. He had children late in life with his ex so their two sons are still in highschool (albeit nearly finished), the eldest is 18 in a few weeks. They stay with me about 40% of the time. In his ex's position all those years ago, with two toddlers, I too would have left for their sakes. He was then undiagnosed and a breakdown after the divorce finally gave him answers to why he felt the way he did and medication helped. Our situation now is very different.
I doubt very much if you would get to keep your children however unwell their mother is given the way the courts deal with such things. If their care is a priority for you then maybe have no choice but to stay for a bit longer.
Our partners don't want to be the way they are. As it exhausting as it may be trying to live with them I have no doubt it is worse having to be them. Late last week we had a session with his pdoc together - I can't remember if I mentioned it.
I unburdened myself a little about how I've felt and the way I now overreact to every little thing in case it becomes a blow up, and he completely shut down with guilt and shame. However, I got to say out loud some things that he really needed to hear; he had no idea he'd ever actually been physical with me. He remembers very little of what happens when he's in full flight and is often shocked to find kmart have called security or his neighbour rang the police.....
one day I'm going to write a very good novel about my life with Mr S but in the meantime, because I'm in a better mood today than I was yesterday, one day at a time.
xoxo
