Lived Experience Forum

[Micky_f]

Hi everyone, I’m new here this is my first post. Not sure how this all works but here it goes. I’m struggling a bit today, I’ve been feeling like I’m getting crushed for months now. I drink a lot and I need to stop completely. It’s a bit of a vicious circle, I drink because I have a lot on my mind then don’t deal with the things I have to and the weight gets heavier, so I drink more. I’ve had a problem with alcohol to varying degrees for 20 odd years now, but it’s getting out of hand again and I don’t know how to stop, but I legitimately want to this time. It used to scare me thinking about not drinking, now it scares me thinking about it. It’s sad that a lot of what I experience is through eyes that are alcohol affected, not always drunk but not completely sober. Sorry if I’m just dumping all of this here and I’m not supposed to. cheers, mick

[greenpea]

@Micky_f  Hi Micky_f and welcome to the forums. I am a alcoholic but have been sober for more than two years and it is hard. The only way I could do it was to give it up completely. I have a daughter who asked me to so that helped otherwise I could possibly be still slipping down the slipperly slope. I am here if you want to talk further but you are not alone there are many suffering like us. Take care. greenpeax

[saltandpepper]

Hey Mick, welcome. One thing jumps out at me from your post, the difference in your state of mind. Being scared not to drink and now being scared to drink. I think that's an important realisation you've had. Sounds to me like you're perhaps feeling ready to start dealing with the alcohol, and the underlying issues.

I'm not in a place where I can really advise how to overcome it all--I'm perhaps a few steps behind you in the "scared not to drink" region. But, my advice would be to work on the underlying issues. In my experience/opinion, alcohol is always a bandaid for something else. Yeah, you can go off the grog but if you don't deal with the why of it all, it's pointless. In my opinion.

A good place to start would be to do a google search for psychologists who specialise in addiction. Then take that information to your GP and talk about setting up an appointment with the psychologist. The GP should be able to refer you on with a mental health care plan so you get a medicate rebate on those appointments.

I'd also recommend searching for addiction support groups either online or in your area. Nothing helps you through a shitty time like surrounding yourself with people who can relate to what you're going through, and people who have been there and come out the other side.

Best of luck with it @Micky_f 

[Micky_f]

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post. My wife is incredibly supportive so I’m blessed but for some reason I feel the need to deal with it all on my own. I’m so tired all the time. I feel guilty about drinking so I drink more, it’s completely nonsensical.
I made a decision a few weeks ago to stop completely, which is what I have to do, there can be no in between, and it’s almost like autopilot I’m walking out of the bottleshop with cans in my hand. It’s killing me. I feel guilty even having my first mouthful but can’t stop myself. My two older kids are starting to become aware of it and I feel like shit for being such a lousy role model.
It’s affecting every part of my life.
I feel like my life is flashing by and while I’m there, I’m not really experiencing any of it.

[HappyCastle]

@Micky_f 

Thank you for reaching out for support here on the forums. It shows great strength to be vulnerable and share your story. I just wanted to point you in the direction of another resource that might be helpful for you as you go through this time. 

Daybreak app by hellosundaymorning

😊

[Micky_f]

Hi saltandpepper, thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post.
It is a change in the way I’m feeling, and I suppose it’s a subconscious step in the right direction, but it fills me with dread wondering if I’ll be strong enough to stop and stay that way. It’s absolutely terrifying. And to be honest is probably part of the reason I haven’t stopped yet because I don’t have much faith in my strength and self control. I’ve tried and failed so many times before and I’m so sick of disappointing my wife every time.
It’s hurting me that I’m hurting her.
I hope you are winning your battle mate, I know how you feel and it leaves you so drained and tired and sad all the time.
Thanks again
Mick

[Micky_f]

Thanks for that, I’ll download it now. Anything to help can’t hurt

[Micky_f]

@greenpea Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post. My wife is incredibly supportive so I’m blessed but for some reason I feel the need to deal with it all on my own. I’m so tired all the time. I feel guilty about drinking so I drink more, it’s completely nonsensical.
I made a decision a few weeks ago to stop completely, which is what I have to do, there can be no in between, and it’s almost like autopilot I’m walking out of the bottleshop with cans in my hand. It’s killing me. I feel guilty even having my first mouthful but can’t stop myself. My two older kids are starting to become aware of it and I feel like shit for being such a lousy role model.
It’s affecting every part of my life.
I feel like my life is flashing by and while I’m there, I’m not really experiencing any of it.

[Micky_f]

@saltandpepper Hi saltandpepper, thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post.
It is a change in the way I’m feeling, and I suppose it’s a subconscious step in the right direction, but it fills me with dread wondering if I’ll be strong enough to stop and stay that way. It’s absolutely terrifying. And to be honest is probably part of the reason I haven’t stopped yet because I don’t have much faith in my strength and self control. I’ve tried and failed so many times before and I’m so sick of disappointing my wife every time.
It’s hurting me that I’m hurting her.
I hope you are winning your battle mate, I know how you feel and it leaves you so drained and tired and sad all the time.
Thanks again
Mick

[greenpea]

@Micky_f  I understand completely what your are saying Micky_f. We are here for you. Love peax