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ChesterRose
Casual Contributor

Good morning, I'm new

TW: Mentions abuse

 

Hi everyone.  I stumbled across this site and I am positive I was meant to be here.  I am on the verge of getting in my car and just running away ... but I know running won't fix anything... so I don't run, I hide instead.  My psychologist says that I have PTSD and I'm aware that I've had it most of my life.   It's really become noticeable to me over the past few years.  I'm unable to hold down a job, my relationship has completely fallen apart, I have a gambling addiction and I just feel like a shell of a person.

 

My eldest brother was killed in a science explosion at school when he was 13, I was 4.  I didn't just lose my brother that day I lost my parents too, the grief destroyed them and changed our lives forever.  My mother became an alcoholic and ended up in an abusive relationship, home life was pretty hectic.  I was molested at the age of 6 by a friend of the family.  My mother passed away when I was 16.  I married and had 3 children.  My husband was abusive and I finally left him when I was pregnant with my 3rd child.  My third child was born with a brain malformation, he needed lots of care.  My father passed away when I was 30.  Years leaving my husband I met a wonderful man, 9 years younger.  I was then diagnosed with cancer, my partner was so supportive and we were together for 7 years.  Sadly one of my brothers passed away suddenly in 2015, I was in the middle of moving house.  2 months later my partner passed away suddenly in his sleep.  Not long after I was diagnosed with stage iv lymphoma...  my life had just been a blurr..somewhere in all of this I developed a pokies addiction.  3 weeks ago my niece passed away at the age of 32.  I'm just emotionally unavailable.  My current partner has no understanding of grief, or anxiety and depression.  He tries to help but it just makes me more depressed... where do I start to heal and be happy?  I just don't have strength or direction.

7 REPLIES 7

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Hi @ChesterRose Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to read about the huge amount of grief you have experienced in your life. I'm hearing that it's all become so much to cope with and you don't know where to turn to next? It's a lot, and it's no wonder you are feeling the way you do. 

 

It takes a huge amount of strength and bravery to reach out and not only share your story but ask for help. I would like to acknowledge that. It's also really positive to see you already have a psychologist and are working through things. It takes time and it can be a really bumpy ride. 

 

We are here to offer you emotional support and please know, you are not alone as there are many people passing through here who have been in a similar situation. 

 

Are there any other supports you have? Do you reach out to helplines? 

 

I will put the information for the SANE helpline here, if you feel it would be useful to speak to one of our counsellors. 🌸

 

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Hi @ChesterRose and welcome to the forums. There are lots of friendly people here with lived experience who will support you.

 

I’n sorry you’ve had to deal with so much grief.

 

One thing that has helped me with grief and trauma has been sitting on the beach and watching the waves roll in. The fact that they just keep coming is very calming…doesn’t take away the pain but it’s good to have a constant when life is so hard.

 

Take care 💙

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Hi @ChesterRose  welcome to the forums. I’m so sorry for all your losses and the grief that goes along with it, no wonder you are feeling the way that you are. 

i hope that you find this a friendly place where others will share along with you. 

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Hello and welcome, @ChesterRose. I was so sorry to read of all of your losses and difficulties. More than your fair share, I would say. I hope you are on the road to a better future. I wish you all the best. I just wanted to say Hello.

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Thank you so much. 

 

I'm really struggling with the deterioration of my relationship, due to my engined state and behaviours.  I only get to see my psychologist when I can afford to which currently is once a month.  I've been trying to find an affordable counsellor that I can speak to at least once a week.

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Thank you... I enjoy doing that too.

Re: Good morning, I'm new

Hi, and thank you.
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