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Tracker
Casual Contributor

Advice

Hey all,

I'm struggling dealing with my 31yo daughter who was diagnosed when she was 18 with BPD after 1 visit. I didn't believe it but over the years she has gotten worse with trauma along the way.

She has a 4yo son. Father was violent and she fled when she was pregnant. 

She works full-time in a senior role. She has had a few jobs over the years.  Doesn't have alot of time for her son. He stays with us at least 3nights. I just don't know how to deal with the mood swings and what is the best way to help.

She sees a counsellor but I feel she needs proper help. She doesn't recognise she has it.

Just thinks she has anxiety.

Any advice would help as I worry about some of the decisions she makes 

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Advice

@Tracker 

 

There is a lot of information about BPD in these forums and a few people such as @BPDSurvivor who can help with information.

 

What is in particular that you are seeing as a problem? Is it just the mood swings, or is it anger, stress, has she got a particular habit that is of concern or addressing her trauma in a way that you feel is not healthy?

 

I guess after that, what is the outcome you want for her by raising this issue and how can you address it in a open and collaborative way?

Tracker
Casual Contributor

Re: Advice

I'm struggling with how to deal with her.

My main concern is for her son.

How do I bring the subject up with her to get the needed help she needs.

She won't admit to having an issue. She thinks I have the problem.

I just want her to be happy.

Thank you I will get onto the link you posted. 

Re: Advice

@Tracker 

 

Can you elaborate more on the problem?  Is the problem associated with a behaviour that she might feel is a judgement of her parenting skills?

Tracker
Casual Contributor

Re: Advice

I am just asking for advice in how to speak to her about perhaps getting some  professional ongoing help. I have seen a decline over the past 4-5 years.

She has detached herself from her family and friends. It's just sad.


@AussieRecharger wrote:

@Tracker 

 

Can you elaborate more on the problem?  Is the problem associated with a behaviour that she might feel is a judgement of her parenting skills?


 

Re: Advice

Hi @Tracker ,

 

I totally understand where you are coming from as a carer. Everything you are pointing to is very characteristic of a borderline.

 

A borderline's mood is often very reliant on their environment and what is happening around them. In other word, when the weather is good, they are happy. When the weather isn't good, they are not good either.

 

I've lived with BPD for many years. Like your daughter, I was diagnosed when I was about 17-19 years old, and I didn't really begin to 'recover' until I was in my early 30s. It took me until my 30s to realise "I can't continue living like this. I can bear my own self." That is when I sought help. That was when help came to me. That was when help worked!

 

Prior to that, it was everyone else's fault. I blamed it on my depression and anxiety and everyone else. I didn't 'wake up' until I came to the point of simply having enough of being.

 

From this, until your daughter realises something is not quite right, there's little you can do. Borderlines tend to hurt those they love the most. I needed a suitable psychologist to really challenge how I wanted to live life.

 

There's no easy answer. They need to hear it from someone 'outside', otherwise they think you are just 'nagging'. 

Be patient. Just be there for her. Offer suggestions e.g. "have you ever considered seeing a specialist for BPD targeted therapy?" versus "you need to see a specialist for BPD targeted therapy".

 

As a pwBPD, I HATED being told what to do - I felt like people were trying to control me. Thats why, even my psychologist, to this day, "invites" me to try things.

 

I know this is a lot. I'm not sure if any of this will help you @Tracker .

 

BPDSurvivr

 

Thanks for the tag @AussieRecharger 

MumO
Casual Contributor

Re: Advice

Hi @Tracker,

I don't have much advise but i can share my experience with my 30yrs old son and him not getting help. Because they are "adult" you can't do anything about getting help and system won't do anything either unless they are willing to see someone or they are a treath to themselves or others. There is no early intervention until something bad happens and police or court system get involves.

I was trying to find help for my son for years. Recently he had a psychotic episode and with the help of the police he ended up in the hospital. They told me it was "drug (nitrous oxide also known nangs or laughing gas which is legal ) induced psychosis and when it wears off he will be fine. No mental health illness(!), he presents himself well, he declined the rehab etc etc. Discharged him to a motel with no information or discussion with me( he was living with me before the incident). He still refuses and mental health support, thinks that he can do cold turkey, says no MH etc. Until next episode he is out without any support. I can't have him back due to property damage and knowing nothing will change and he won't keep his promises (never did).

As a conclusion...hang in there...get help, support for yourself and the grandson and hope that your daughter will realise asking for help is not a weakness, things can be better for everyone.Take care ❤ 

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