Skip to main content
Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Welcome & getting started

mb24
New Contributor

Advice about approaching my partner about his mental health

Hi everyone

I'm looking for some advice on how to approach my partner about his mental health, or advice on what issue he may have, if anyone can relate, etc.

 

We have been together for just over 8 years and for the second half of our relationship I've noticed an increase in behaviour that is somewhat 'abnormal' for him. In the last 18 months it has really ramped up and it's now starting to affect my own mental health issues (anxiety and panic disorder that I am medicated for).

 

I know when my partner is going through an episode (for lack of a better word) the minute I lay eyes on him, usually after work. His entire facial expression is different and the way he speaks is almost a forced happy/enthusiastic. Just not the way he 'normally' would be. When we go about our daily routine he seems to have a real lack of concentration and common sense. His mind is obviously elsewhere. He will spend a bit of time with me in the evening but I can tell he does not want to be there, waiting for a moment where he can get away from me and go and do his own thing which is either gaming or playing his guitar. Again, he seems to almost be waiting for me to go to bed so he can be on his own and it makes the atmosphere very uncomfortable for me. At this point I usually feel unwanted and not welcome in my own home. He will usually sleep in our spare bedroom, if he even sleeps at all. 

 

During these times his libido increases DRAMATICALLY. I find it difficult to match his sexual drive when he having an 'episode' because I feel emotionally withdrawn from him. There have been times when I have taken myself to bed to get away from the uncomfortable atmosphere previously described, and when I've come back out to get a glass of water or whatever he is cagey, suspicous and immediately stops what he is doing (I figure he is masturbating, which is fine). 

 

This will usually go on for days at a timeand when he is back to his usual self, he is the complete opposite.

 

Due to my own mental health issues, I find myself becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious about what he is doing all night, when he is out of the house without me, after work, etc.

 

He has NEVER acknowledged that there is an issue, although there obviously is. For this reason I'm finding it really hard to work up the courage to approach him and ask what is happening. We are now engaged and I never imagined that in my first few months of what is meant to be a happy time, I would be so stressed and feeling quite alone in our relationship.  

 

Some background info - his father passed away from cancer in his late teens, a severe back injury (broken vertebra) left him off work for 3 months in 2018(ish) and a knee injury/surgery left him off work for 3 months again about 12 months later.

 

Any advice at all would be grately appreciated, or even just a chat about ways I can deal with this personally would be great.

 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Advice about approaching my partner about his mental health

Hey @mb24, I can hear that this is a lot you're trying to navigate, and I'm so glad that you've reached out for support Heart 

 

In terms of what could be happening for you partner- it could be a number of different things, and I think the best way to find out would be to have an honest conversation together. Fair enough to be nervous about this conversation, though! 

 

Last night our peer support team facilitated a group chat on the topic of assertiveness/speaking up for things that are important to us- if you like, you can read the transcript of that (and our other past groups) here, which you may find helpful Smiley Happy

 

I hope you'll find lots of other support here, too Heart

 

Given this is a big thing you're trying to navigate, you might like some 1:1 support- if you like, you can also contact our counselling team by phone or webchat Smiley Happy

Re: Advice about approaching my partner about his mental health

Ooph @mb24 theres a lot going on there. What a chaotic and confusing situation to be in. I'm going to zero in on one particular point in your post.

 

It really doesn't matter what his libido is doing, you should not do anything you don't want to do. And perfectly understandable that given the way he's behaving, that you don't want to connect physically. Whatever is going on with him impacts you as well. Your needs, feelings, thoughts matter as well.

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance: