Something’s not right
@Gazza75– I have not forgotten you or to reply, my apologies I have had a busy day. I can understand that you found the MI unit challenging, as I have heard this from individuals whom I did the DBT course with. The main thing is though despite going in with no possessions is that you went and you survived it. That is an amazing accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself.
Have you tried a different GP? It took me a long time to find a good GP you could say I went GP shopping. Have you looked in to a mental health care plan? You can get the referral from a GP and you get 10 sessions a year at a discounted cost and then also another 10 within a calendar year. I found this extremely beneficial. I specifically found a psychologist who specialised in BPD and was lucky that she ran one of the DBT programs at psychiatric hospital. We continue weekly sessions incorporating DBT. I do hope you find a psychologist that is right for you.
I am sorry to read you have had difficulties with your sister-in-law and I am sorry to read about your brother. I am sending positive thoughts his way. It would have been difficult to sleep. Unfortunately family can be difficult. I know this may be hard to do and I do apologize as I do not know the exact circumstances but maybe your sister-in-law did not know what to do during that time? And her bringing the radio was the thing she thought of first. Relationships are not easy at the best of times. Don’t let the negativity get to you. Remember that you will end up disappointed if you think people will do for you as you would do for them and that not everyone has the same heart as you.
It has taken me a while to put myself first as I was always looking and caring for everyone else. I made the decision that my new life was going to cost me my old one and take me out of my comfort zone, remove and end relationships, being liked and understood. But I realized none of that matters. I wanted to be loved instead of being liked, that with being understood comes with being seen and what I was losing was the building blocks for the person I have developed in to. Letting my family/relationships go was the best thing for me. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt semi whole again.
Thank you for the idea re the card for my gran. I haven’t heard anything today but I am thinking of her always. I will send her a card with some photos of my fur babies in it as she loves my dog and cats. Thank you again.
I hope you’ve had a great day. Sending you positive vibes and energy. 
Hi @FigBell0917 , I didn't get a notification about your message here. I was going to respond to your message on the craft thread here rather than have it in amongst all the stuff there. Thankyou so much for your kind and thoughtful message. I have looked at getting another GP, but, it was not better than the current one. As you said it might be time to try and do some shopping. I have a psychologist I talk to through a work support program, but, getting someone else on board might help me as well. I will try and figure something out as you suggust.
I hope your gran got your cards and the pictures of the fur babies. I'm sure it would of lifted her spirits. 🙂
No dramas on the delayed response FigBella, we all have pretty busy lives and things to do. Thanks for the compliments about my art/paintings, I really find them fun to do and not sure what I would do without them now lol 🙂
I hope your partner is doing okay, it would be tought dealing with all that and also the travel on top. It sounds like a horrific work environment you are in at the moment, toxic to say the least. Really hope you can find something else that fits what you need ASAP.
My brother is doing alright, pretty amazing considering where he was. It's diffucult to see him as he looks so fragile and lost so much weight. He really is a shadow of his former self. My mum has said it probably hurts him to see Me as well as it reminds him of what he has lost and that he is probably jelous. I don't know, but, I really feel for his kids, especially the youngest one. He's lost his childhood and is now a mini nurse pretty much all the time.
Thanks again for your kind words and support, I really hope you have a good day and that you have some time with your partner. Don't let work get you down or to caught up in it all. Family and friends are a lot more important, but, you don't me to tell you that. Sending lots of good thoughts your way and to your lovely Gran as well, she did a wonderful job of bringing you up.
Take care 
:smiley:
Hi @Gazza75 – Good idea replying on here. How are you? I hope you are well. Have you had any additional luck regarding finding a doctor? I cannot recall if I mentioned it earlier or not but for me the best doctor that I found to assist with my BPD was a non-bulk billing doctor. I know that there is a cost but I cannot fault her and she is much more attentive and understanding to my needs.
That is fabulous you have a psychologist through work. Is that through an EAP program? I get a mental health care plan through my doctor and I get 10 sessions which are discounted sometimes if you are lucky you can get them for free too depending on the psychologist. I found this really helped and was great because my Psychologist specialises in BPD and DBT. I have now run out of the sessions until January as I go so often, but I figure I would much rather pay the cost and look after my mental well being then go further down hill.
My gran did get the cards and pictures of my fur babies. She was very excited. Unfortunately she ended up back in hospital for a week but she is back home now. I have taken my babies around to see her. It really puts a smile on her face. In Melbourne we have a company called Domuts (https://www.domuts.com.au). I bought some of these and took them to my gran to give to my dog Bella. It was really funny!
My psychologist lent me her Tangle to use when I am feeling down or frustrated when I interact with people. Have you heard of this before? I have found it supper helpful when I am in a position where I am unable to colour or play my stress game on my phone. https://www.kmart.com.au/product/tangle---classic-or-crazy,-assorted/1754394
It would be very difficult to see your brother like that and he is lucky to have such a supportive brother. I remember you mentioning troubles with your brother’s partner I hope that she allows you to be there for his kids. I am sure they really value you being there. As hard has it is try to find a silver lining to the situation so find a positive in the negative? It may assist you with the situation. Let me know if this may work for you.
I have made the decision to resign from work. I am in the process of writing my resignation letter and I will submit this today. I was interrogated as if I was a criminal and the union lawyer was disgusted. I will be submitting a formal complaint too. I will not have a job until I find a new one but my priority since finding out that I have BPD is to look after me first and being in such a toxic environment is not beneficial.
Thank you for the beautiful words re my gran bringing me up. I will tell her this. I am very lucky to have her.
I hope that you have a wonderful day and something nice planned for the weekend.
Hi @Gazza75 – I can understand putting in the time and effort, some days it can be a real struggle but once you do it I am sure it will be worthwhile. Maybe mention when you find the GP that you would like a mental health care plan especially if they have not brought it up. It is available to all and all you need to do is fill out a little questionnaire and get a referral to a psychologist and you are good to go. It is really easy.
I am absolutely petrified of blood tests. I even go to the effort of ripping up the blood test form so I don’t have to go and then my partner finds it. Funny I can get tattoos but blood tests no way. Big no LOL.
Maybe the medication may help? I was really lucky that the medication I am on worked straight away for me and I did not have to do a trial and error. I was very anti going on medication but now I am supportive of it. It has made such a difference to my mental state and I am so much more stable, sleeping and eating better too. It does make me nervous if I ever had to come off them though to see how I cope but for the time being it has been one of the best things for me.
I am sorry to read that the circumstances surrounding your brother’s partner have not changed and to read about your parents. The way I think of things like that is that it is NOT a reflection on you it is a reflection on them. It can be a hard pill to swallow, but the first rule of mental health is learning who deserves and explanation and who deserves one answer and who deserves nothing. Unfortunately not everyone has the same heart as you, and people wont always do what you will do for them. In terms of the relationship with your nephews, let them know that you are there for them, love them and will always support them. As kids get older they will learn the truth and form their own perception and make their own decisions. Trust me! This happened to me.
The tangle has been amazing for me. I am constantly fidgeting so it’s been a small blessing. Thank you re the work situation. Unfortunately these things happen but again it is a reflection on them and not on me. Karma I am a firm believer in it.
That is great you are catching up with your mates over the weekend even better having a long weekend! In regards to work, is there a way in which you can delegate some of the work to take some of the pressure off? That sucks regarding the long service; it was the same for me in Government. Maybe look in to doing a holiday and take that time for yourself?
Have a good day 
Hi @Gazza75 – I am glad to read that you are doing well today that is fabulous! I hope that you enjoyed the long weekend and the time you spent with your friends. The daylight savings throws me as well, I am still adjusting.
With regards to the doctor maybe do a Google search? And see if any forums come up? I found my doctor actually through our local community Facebook group. She had great recommendations and when I met her she certainly lived up to them. Do you have something similar?
From my DBT group, some of the participants were discussing the effects of their medication. I think it really does vary depending on each individual.
I am sorry you didn’t get the chance to know your grandparents, I am sure that you were always in their thoughts. I don’t really know my fathers family. They are not very nice from what I can recall we were always told to stay away from them. It is positive that you have met your mum’s side of the family.
I did see the discussion, and I have bookmarked it to read as I have only been able to read the first few pages so far. With regards to the timings of them maybe you could make a suggestion to the host to see if there could be some flexibility?
That is lovely regarding your cockatiel What is his name? It is amazing what you can teach them. I went down to the great ocean road on Sunday with some friends who are over from the UK and I think they realized how petrified of birds I am when a cockatoo flew on to the table. I was on the ground in tears. I really should do something about it but even the thought of it petrifies me.
I am so glad that your parents rescued their cats. It is really sad to hear that they can end up in those situations but the silver lining is that they now have a wonderful home. My boys are quite cheeky at the moment. I have taught them both to spin and Fig my older boy can jump through a hoop. It keeps me entertained and also wears them out too.
My day is going okay so far. I didn’t have a good night last night so little sleep. My relationship has ended. I was sad initially, and now I am simply disgusted. I don’t have another words to explain how I feel. He told me that he doesn’t want to be with someone who has a mental illness or deal with it. He was laughing at me so I went and got my tangle so play with in my hands to help me and he then picked on me for doing that. He goes I am forever tiptoeing because I cant say this and you always ask me to speak a certain way (for example I feel xyz) instead of him speaking to me bluntly. He had been offered to attend my sessions to work together on my BPD and for him to gain a greater understanding and he didn’t bother each time. I have known this was coming for a long time. My dad and step mum are furious. They too are disgusted. In a sense I feel relieved, as I do not want someone who says those things or doesn’t want to be with someone because they have a mental illness. What disappoints me the most is how much I have been there for him of late and he cannot do the same. I think it says volumes about his character.
Today I am looking for work. I have submitted a few applications. In the meantime I think I will sign up to do uber eats delivery just to get some income in the meantime.
I hope you have a great day. Sending positive vibes.
