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Something’s not right

Gwynn
Senior Contributor

Too much advice?

Does anyone else find that since going through Mental Health, they've become the Yoda of their social circle, the person that always gets hit up for long blow-by-blows of an issue that's concerning their friends, and asked for advice?  I'm worried my friends are becoming dependent on my advice / thinking too much of my advice.  How can I walk this back?29b4118f88a5d5ca373ddb62a14fb0a0--starwars-mental-health.jpg

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Too much advice?

@Gwynn - I hear you! I totally agree! In my therapy group, I was named the 'wise owl'.... out of therapy, people seem to gravitate towards me as though I had a magnetic force. 

 

I end up with limited time for myself. It was okay up to a certain extent, but then it became too much. I used to have phone calls lasting 1.5-2hrs each from people asking for advice/help. I've learnt - now I limit those calls for my own MH's sake. Nowadays, I let them know at the beginning that I only have X amount of time.

 

That's how I tackle it. It is good to know people trust you, but you also have to remember your own health. You can't pour out of an empty cup. If you are not well, you can't help anyone else.

 

Look after yourself, 

tyme

Re: Too much advice?

ohhhh @Gwynn yes, very relatable! Sounds like you are such a supportive person, even outside the forums ❤️ But I'm sorry this is taking it's toll!

 

Some things that I find really useful and that we try to encourage in peer work is empowering those we support to take the next step in their journey. This could be asking them about other support they're interested in, have access to or would feel comfortable reaching out to. And I sometimes use the "First Responder" idea. For example, we might be the first person people come to when they need support or advice. But as a first responder, we do our best in the moment then help others take over. 

 

I'm pretty honest with people about this. For example, "Great work for reaching out, but it sounds like you might need some extra support. I can help make a GP appointment to get a mental healthcare plan or find a therapist" 

 

Or even just directing them to other services like the SANE drop in line, beyondblue, relationships Australia ect. 

 

Plus I agree with setting boundaries! It's hard, but useful I think.

 

I don't know if this is useful? Does it spark any ideas for you? 

Re: Too much advice?

@Gwynn 

 

In some ways its a compliment to you, bask in it, but when it becomes draining, I guess its time to, set limits and put it back on the person.    What do you think is the right thing ... stating that each persons circumstances are unique ... and claiming your own needs in any situation... etc.  

 

@tyme 's idea of putting a time limit might help. A lot depends on the degree of need in the other and if they are capable of seeing YOU  Gwynn in the relationship.  Finding balance and parity is no easy task.

Re: Too much advice?

Maybe this is why psychologists are always like 'what's helped in the past?  what do you think would be helpful?' hahaha...

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