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Fredd50
Senior Contributor

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

Thankyou so, so much for your response

It helps so much just to have that confirmation that others feel the same way

I have faced this kind of abuse my whole life

I agree that some of it is because people don't want to hear it

but sadly my experience with human nature also tells me some of it

is because people don't want to get caught

so they re-abuse

it's not just about it being re-traumatising, I feel it's an actual act of power

lately I've been reading Michael Foucault and it makes so much sense

he talks about how people align with institutional power and when that power

is threatened they act to defend their identity, sadly often at the cost 

of those they are supposed to help

I don't find this stuff bad, it actually helps me heal and gives 

me hope that things will change

if anything acknowledging the problems has helped me identify

the real support I need as well as those aspects of it that are dangerous

it has helped others do things like bring the Royal Commission to bear, finally

giving us hope that the abuse will be heard and there will be more safety

and genuine understanding, that we can talk about abuse , learn about it and

heal from it

also been learning stuff from the trauma school and that makes so much sense

that my response to gaslighting is physiological because it is an act of

power so my body releases flight/fight chemicals in accurate response to the fear

of people who exerted such absolute power not just over my body but 

also over my speech.

The first acts of violence that I received in life weren't physical

as a child I was never allowed to speak about emotional abuse, because

it would be twisted around - I lived in fear of my mother

I love her very much and she is really different now, but it took the loss 

of my sister for her to be willing to see the harm that she was doing even then

it took many years. I love my mum but what she did was abuse.

She instinctively acted to hide her wrongdoing by trying to convince me that it never happend.

The forum staff are acting to conceal wrongdoing by misusing the communiy guidelines

I'm trying to seek help with management

if that doesn't work I'll seek help from the government

if that doesn't work, I'll keep a record of everything and seek an advocate

to help me include it in my submission once the Royal Commission starts

I'll seek help with advice from other agencies that are increasingly starting to realise

that people don't just need help in the traditional sense of counseling

but actually need help dealing with systemic abuse, silencing and misinformation on

a social level

I know my community is waking up

but being able to speak to people who can relate is so, so important

because for all he good and all the good people helping with change, when one of the

'bad people' - who may be good people deep down but are acting out their bad side

gaslight me when I'm starting to feel empowered and take control of the word 'Victim' and 'violence'

the wind goes all out of my sails, I've been gaslit so many times that

their false interpretation of reality still has so much power, it makes me doubt all the good

people and the things I know are starting to change and leaves me struggling against

waves of fear and terrifying memories

I am not mentally ill, I am a victim of violence, everythign I went through even 

the most strange experiences that were called "mania" or "psychosis"

they weren't those things, they were in the spectrum of very normal reactions to

being a victim of violence and silencing - violence does not have to be physical

since I have been able to work through the metaphors that others called 'psychosis' or

'madness' - with someone who made me feel really safe (although unfortunately when

I started realising I was a victim of institutional abuse, an important part of my healing

she felt threatened and started lashing out at me so I had to leave - though we have

since made contact and spoken about it, she felt I was threatening her identity and 

she couldn't help so she lashed out instinctively, telling me that my trauma was 'boring' referring to other people as having 'real' trauma etc - but that's the thing, humans do have a 

dark side and it needs to be given the light to change otherwise people instinctively

gaslight others because they feel threatened by the reality of abuse, particularly when

they participated in it)

thanks so, so much because hearing someone else relate gives me back my reality

just like being allowed to work though my metaphors helped me integrate them

being allowed to work through the fear and the reality of abuse

- the phsyical violence and the emotional abuse/gaslighting for speaking up about it

is really, really important in working through it

the gaslighting is 'crazy making' because it denies what I know to be true, but it also

communicates 'we have power over you, we can make you quiet, you are nothing, you are alone'

hearing someone else speak up breaks that spell

and it lets me know that I am doing the right thing and I need to keep fighting for a world

where we can all be free from gaslighting and abuse

Where we can fight for the existence of real services, discuss our human rights and the evolving framework for them and be free from violence, abuse and silence

I've posted so many amazing resources that have been deleted 

but now I know that it's important to fight for this to stop and I won't give up

there is no point in 'seeking help' while the people who claim they want to help 

you do everything they can to make it impossible for there to be anywhere to seek help from

and stop those who are taking back their power to reform the service landscape and

the community narrative about truama and distressed to be accurate and not 

based on medical misinterpretation and forcing of brutal, decontextualising, out-dated

categorisations and medical re-framing of truama and severe and complex distress

while hiding from the public how much understanding has been developed around 

undersanding trauma and distress or how much the medical interpretations have

kept people stuck

help needs to be 

something that helps and not harms

so a big part of being able to find help is discussing what harmed about it

the bigger the harm, and more widespread the harm the more important it is to talk about it

so there can be truth, reconciliation and healing

Thankyou so, so much @Eden1919 and I hope you

have a really, really lovely weekend

sorry for my big ramble but I'm still a bit freaked out

going to need to spend the day finding out what I can do to stop the abuse from 

this service because when they don't abuse it's been a really important part 

of my healing and growth to share with & learn from others here

 

11 REPLIES 11

please help, silenced for speaking out need support

Hi,

 

I really need to talk to someone who will listen

I've been increasingly silenced and prevented from seeking support on a peer support

forum for speaking out about about abuse

I've had over 13 admissions over the past 20 years to australian inpatient wards

each time I have either experienced staff violence usually for refusing

medical explanations of my distress or for refusing medications that never helped me

 

I have also suffered from illegal violence and attempts by staff to prevent me speaking 

to police to file complaints of assault

 

I thought that things would get better now that we are soon to begin 6 years of the

Royal Commission into Violence, neglect and exploitation of persons with Disabilities, that 

formally recognises abuse and the fact that abuse is covered up, and is there to discover the extent.

 

One of the worst things about the abuse I expereienced was not being allowed to talk 

about it, not being allowed to seek support or each time I sought support having

those I sought support from trying to hide that abuse instead of help me with it

 

Recently I have been trying to seek support on a peer support forum where I have

previously found solace by speaking to others about my experience

 

I've found that increasingly the staff on this forum are deleting my posts and are writing

to me saying that they are doing this because they claim my posts are "discouraging help seeking"

 

I'm not discouraging help seeking! But I think it's really important to seek the right kind of help and a big part of that is not being silenced when speaking out about abuse.

 

Please help me I am really frightened and I don't know what to do

The people who are deleting my posts are making me feel really terrified

first I experience "fight" - and I want to make complaints anout them

then I expereince "fright" and I"m terrified and can't sleep

The whole thing is making me feel like I have nowhere else to turn

They claim I'm discouraging 'help seeking' but they are actively preventing me from seeking 

help. I'm feelling really, really panicked and could really do with some advice

I don't know where to turn.

I know instinctively that it's really important to be careful and find the right help and thtat

discussing things honestly is not 'discouraging help seeking' but discussing the truth

and helping the right kind of help to be found, whereever possible or become available if it's not

 

But these people deleting my posts from this forum (that I can't name, because that's part of it)

are really messing with my head telling me things that I know aren't true.

 

What can I do?

I'm terrified.

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

@Fredd50  hello i am sorry this must be very frustrating for you. sadly i cant say i am surprised about your experiences with the mental health system as mine have been of a similar nature. it is also very hard when even if you are speaking your truth people wont let you because it is an upopular opinion or because they dont want to hear it. whatever the reason it is hard. i can understand that there are guidlines here but it becomes tricky when as you say the way things are interperated make it that you are then not able to get what you need as far as aupport goes. I am not sure what you could do as far as this issues goes but i do agree it is re-traumatizing to have people tell you to keep quiet about truama when you are finally brave enough to speak out. but something that i have learnt is that people really dont want to hear it (not sure how else to explain it but i dont just mean because they dont care there are many reasosn) so this issue for me is something i keep in my journal. personally i do agree that speaking about an experience is not actively discouraging help seeking but i dont run the forums so it is not up to me. i am sorry i cant be of more help. 

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

Apologies all - in moving this thread, the order of posts seems to have gotten mixed up! We appreciate your understanding and hope it doesn't impact the flow of discussion 😊

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

@Fredd50  you are very welcome. I also find it refreshing to hear from people who "get it" in regards to alternative treatments and the system. I admire you for having the courage and strength within you to fight for your rights and for you healing process. i often want to "fight back" against the abuse i have recieved from the system but sadly my attempts to do so only left me the reciever of more and worse abuse so now i am too scared to fight and for me i believe the only option i have currently is to stay hidden so to speak and to not give them a reason to put me in a place where they can do it again. but it makes me really happy to hear that there are people out there who feel they can take a stand on this issue those people are very needed. it is hard to change a long held societal view even if it is wrong and based on lies and twisted information. much like the belief that men are stronger, smater, more capable than women. this is not true yet there are still many people who hold that opinon because it is just what they were told. it will take time but i hope people can hang in there long enough to get their voice heard and their rights granted. 

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

Eden,

your courage blows me away thankyou so much

i am so sorry you have also been a vicitim of institutional abuse

And your analogy is spot on

it is exactly like the belief that women were less than men

sadly it  is also like the belief that women deserved to be held down by men with violence, and control

I find it is like also abuse in the church, if children or adults who were children tried to 

speak up about the abuse they got in the church, priests or even just loyal churchgoers

would attack them and harrass them.

They wanted to protect the church, not the children.

I get fear when I speak up but it's so important to do it.

I have been living in fear for 20 years.

 

we have a royal commission starting soon and it is really important that people start 

to feel they have the right, the support and the courage to submit.

Unfortunately one of the worst things about abuse is the gaslighting

a lot of people don't know that the so-called 'medical model' is ideological

this forum has been deleting a lot of posts that i have been making about altenative help

available and about the way in which even psychologists and others who want to provide

psychosocial help are bullied by psychiatrists.

 

This is an important part of the reality of seeking real help in 2019 

our govenment has been lobbied to put all services behind 'medical gatekeeping'

and force a DSM diagnosis, I've spoken to a few people in the Department of Health - they had

no idea that there were people who found this really harmful, it was represented to them as more 'person centred' - people feeling they can speak to their Department of Health in their own government even without belonging to a 'lived experience peak body' - that sadly might act as gatekeepers - is also an important part of making safe help available.

 

the National Mental Health Commission are another organisation that will listen

at the moment we don't have a specific non-medical 'peak body', if I had business know-how I would just form one but since I don't I've been asking for NMHC to see if they can advocate for one to get formed.

 

The reality of my journey is that no, I don't have nor did I ever have a 'brain disease'.

There was never any meaningful evidence of any 'brain disease' in the sense that a brain tumor, or a degenerative neurlogial condition is a disease.On the contrary, there is ample evidence from other cultures that altered states of consciousness are  a very normal part of life in a well-rounded meaning-focused society. Indeed we go through such states every night when we dream. My altered states of conciousness were meaningful experiences that I needed to resolve. The medical model pushed them away and made me try to repress them. Worse than that the practitioners believed in their drugs religiously, even when they did nothing but harm me and didn't alter the experience of altered states I needed to learn from and resolve - I wasn't heard when I said so, I was literally violently forced to take these drugs and sadly this is likely to be the outcome for anyone who refuses them once made 'involuntary'. This is a common human rights abuse recognised by the UN

https://www.ohchr.org/EN/NewsEvents/Pages/DisplayNews.aspx?NewsID=21689

(the UN press release is also something I have been previoulsy prevented from posting)

 

To get real and genuine help, with all the options available honestly to make an informed choice that is best for us, not for practitioners who are invested in certain models, the truth  need the truth to come out and the fact that some forums

have been actively hiding it to me is more examples of corruption and actually trying to 

deprive people of access to helpful services in favour of harmful or abusive ones because

the reputations of certain professions who practice certain paradigms benefit.

Because what has been happening is so bad, the whole profession stands to fall into disrepute or at least lose its competitive edge to other practitioners who are more helpful and much less expensive for the governement.

 

Of course I can't know for sure, but I think there is every reason to suspect this is the real reason for deleting posts: to hide abuse and to hide the need to work to change the system to make it safe.

 

You would think the upcoming Royal commission would be supported by a charity that is supposed to care about people with imputed or actual disabilities, instead - my post telling people about the Royal commission was deleted several times. 

 

Behind the scenes I've been writing to and calling this charity regarding corncerns of them providing misleading and biased information on their website for nearly a year. In good faith I wrote to and called them for along time. At one stage, something really harmful was taken down from the website and replaced with a statment in support of people who suffered institutional abuse, it was just after the Church royal commssion so it was timely for those victims, many of whom end up in the mental health system where they may suffer further emotional and physical abuse.

 

But this was taken down after a few weeks in favour of even more biased 'bio-medical' showcasing even after speaking with someone to say it was a growing concern how biased it was, how its representation as 'fact' also represented misinformation  -they told me other people had called them to raise similar concerns! b

 

Don't give up hope. Not only are people fighting this, but there are royal commissions that are alerting the community to the fact that trusted institutions like aged care, church, childrens services etc have endemic abuse, neglect and exploitation that is covered up. People are increasingly willing to listen and realise that trust and power do not mean that a person is more credible.

 

I was able to speak to 1800 Respect as a survivour of institutional violence the last time this charity made me feel re-traumatised by silencing trying to reach out over abuse. The Blue Knot foundation are also great to talk to, and really tried to help me find someone - thought they couldn't

 

But I've been able to become the only person at my state health service who doesn't have to see a psychiatrist and doesn't have a diagnosis, and my psychologist is going to ask about getting training in Somatic Experiencing that is a growing therapy from Peter Levine to help process trauma stored in the body (all my trauma is from institutional abuse in Psychiatry and I am recognised as a victim of this abuse by my psychologist who is amazing and has been advocating for me to the health service) - There are good people out there and sometimes they just need a little courage to take part. The National Mental Health Commission is aware of concerns that there are Victims of Abuse who will not engage with medical services and are looking to make sure there is representation for that so we don't have to go through medical gatekeeping or have anything to do with abusive services. 

 

While they nobody has been able to help me find a specialist to work through the trauma of institutional abuse there is growing recognition of the need - given all the royal commissions - for a specialty that builds on eg. domestic violence and is centred on awareness of the patterns of *ABUSERS* so that victims know how to negotioate them. By contrast 'mental health' is focused on the patterns of 'victims' as they appear to outsiders and on calling these patterns 'illness' instead of recognising them as responses to abuse and harm in its myriad non-circumscribed forms. 

 

A big part of my healing journey has been recognising the patterns of abusers and then how i respond to them internally and working through how to be safe and feel safe - connecting to people who wont abuse and who will help protect against abusers. I started it with domestic violence and learning 'red flags' if I hadn't gone through domestic violence and learned how different the therapy was - how it didn't blame me, and instead focused on being safe from my abuser - I might never have learned this. I was a very easy target for domestic abuse as I thought everything was always my fault and had very low standards about how I let people treat me. That's what's so heartbreaking about abuse - it does that to people. But thankfully the more people speak up and connect with the ones who really don't want abuse the more things change. There is safety in numbers. I think that's why abusers try so hard to isolate people who speak up.

 

From now on, all this abuse is something that can be reported to the royal commission.

https://www.dss.gov.au/disability-and-carers/royal-commission-into-violence-abuse-neglect-and-exploi...

Here is a snapshot from the terms of reference.

Screen Shot 2019-05-25 at 9.41.17 AM.png

All my expereinces with this charity who keep attemting to stop me speaking to my 

peers in this important time letting them know about what options they had/have,

how the difficulty making these available to them is important, the violence that

I experienced, the silencing that I experienced, the work that others are doing on 

developing understanding of our human rights.

All these things are aimed to make things better for all of us - to break the silence on violence, 

abuse and exploitation and start to feel free to talk, to engage with our governments 

to make sure we get rights and serivices that help not harm.

 

I can't be sure but I think the real reason was that they didn't want me speaking about things that would encourage people into non-medical services or to fight for non-medical services

Of course again, I don't know but it's very conistent they have deleted everything that talks bout

-abuse and harm

-human rights

-problems faced by non-medical practitioners with bullying from medical-model practitioners

It does look to me like they are trying to protect their 'model' and its reptuation rather than the people it is supposed to help, whatever their motivation it's been incredibly harmful, it is abusive, it needs to stop and I'll be seeking all the support I can get when I have the energy to address this.

 

There are very few funded services and this is one of the few. The moderation is supposed to keep us SAFE from abuse online, not actually be used as an exuse to silence talking about it!

 

I think it's vital that these things are available to be understood or how can we have a voice to set the services that we need. 

How can people ask for what they need if all the information has been kept from them!

 

This is what started it all off this time its a set of points developed by human rights lawyer Tina Minkowitz who has been very active and instrumental in working with the UN on developing the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities. Australia has ratified this and needs to implement it. When I posted this and described how I was a victim of violence in psychiatry for refusing the 'medical model' which was why this was so important to me, my post was deleted. Claiming the truth was 'discouraging people from help seeking'

I disagree. I think it is encouraging people to take an active role in understanding that in 2019 we CAN fight for our rights.

We have friends, organisations that are listening, governmente that I believe genuinely want to do the right thing and the UN on our side. And now we begin six years of a royal commission that formally recognises our plight.

We can get services that help us not harm us and we can make it safe to talk about and heal from our abuse, not have to live in silence and suffereing any more.

Here's Tina's suggestions for how we change the world to not need forced psychiatry

I found it really compelling because she talks about how it shouldn't be a 'choice of paradigm'

which serves competing practitioners but a support for the worldview and understanding of teh

individual seeking help.

 

sorry again for long message! I am so sorry there's just been so much held back by all the deletions.

https://www.academia.edu/39229717/Positive_policy_to_replace_forced_psychiatry_based_on_CRPD

 

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

@Eden1919 so sorry for all that.

I was so frightened it makes me overtalk please feel free to ignore it

The summary is really that while it is hard ,things are getting better

but it is still very hard to get support for trauma of institutional abuse in the system

due to the human nature of denial etc. Its very new to admit it exists, in a lot of systems.

But there are good people out there I found it really does help to connect with

if there is ever anything you want to workshop or talk about

really hope that you feel safe to here,

there are some people here who I really believe do care

and thankfully they are peppered about in the real world too.

i've found since knowing them things grow for the better a lot

if you ever want to talk about what might help in finding the right help 

that supports and helps heal would always love to try and help

Blue Knot Foundation try too, there are some really good people at their helpline

https://www.blueknot.org.au/

Sometimes sadly it can be about identifying gaps, where imporant services need

to be funded, that don't yet exist but thankfully there are people who care to do that too.

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

@Fredd50  i really do hope things are going to change.  you may be interested in two things that i have found very refreshing to look into 1. is a book called anatomy of an epidemic by robert whitaker who is a scince author and worked for prhamecutical companies for a long time. the book looks at the increasing rates of mental illnes and the rise of psychiatric drugs amoung other things. i have not finished it but i am finding it very interseting. 2. is there is a USA based psychiatrist called Kelly Brogan who is doing a lot or research into alternative treatments and has a focus on womens helth in particular. who has a lot of information on different options for getting help. i hope these are ok to post i just think you might find them interesting but i respect that other people have other things that work for them as well and i only mention these to you as you have said you are interested in alternatives to the standard options. i am glad you have found some people who understand where you are coming from and who you feel actually help you. I do have a lot to say on this topic but i dont think here is the place to say it. anyway i do hope you find ways to get your needs met and i am always around to listen (this next few weeks i am busy though so if i dont reply for a while i havent forgotten) 

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

Hey @Fredd50, we're sorry to hear that you are unhappy with regards to why your posts were requested to be edited. Perhaps a @Former-Member can jump on and let you know why they needed to be amended?

Re: please help, silenced for speaking out need support

@Eden1919 

Thanks I know Robert whitaker, I'll check out the other Author you recommended always looking to learn more.

This forum should be a safe place to talk about it

And I will keep fighting until either it is or it gets defunded and de-commissioned

The internet can be a dangerous place and being able to talk in a moderated forum

certainly has its advantages

but that moderation should be in favour of vulnerable people discussing issues

not being misused to create a culture of fear, abuse and exploitation in where people are afraid

to talk about alternative models they found helpful

violent abuse (or other abuse) they suffered when trying to seek help 

and/or the reality of corruption they are trying to understand and combat to make sense of

the world they live in

it is an old world that demotes people with disabilities to the fringes and takes away their rights

as human beings, where services take advantage of rather than support them.

The royal commission is about beginning a period of getting rid of Violence, Abuse and Exploitation in all places and all settings

that very much includes an internet forum provided by a respected registered charity that is partly funded by the Australian Government to provide peer support and information.

I know that government increasingly care about and are aware of these issues and wish to change them, it benefits all of their objectives both social and economic for abuse to end and change to occur.

It is not in the public's favour for services to benefit boutique industries such as 'biomedical psychiatry' at the cost of the health and wellbeing of the wider public.

Especially not when increasingly many people are interested in providing new and better services and awareness of 'gatekeeping' providing barriers to social inclusion, genuine support and healing, work, education etc is growing and is increasingly watched with interest.

 

Similarly for violence, abuse & exploitation in all its forms.

 

this is a submission by Women with Disabilities if you are interested, they are one of the many organisations that pushed for the royal comission. It's basically led by one woman, with very few staff and of course the volunteer members. She's incredible - her background is in her lived experience of Psychosocial disability and she is well aware of the endemic abuse, that's been a big part of the drive towards the royal commission for the past 22 years.

 

http://wwda.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/WWDASubUNStudyViolenceWWDDec2011.pdf

 

 

 

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