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Senior Contributor

Loss of a safe place?

Hey all,

 

I think like some, if not most other people here, I am stuck it the pits of depression again. This complete change of day to day life due to the current world circumstances has totally taken me off track of my recovery. Feeling like I have no control is triggering the same feelings I had when enduring abuse as a child. 

The worst thing at the moment, and this sounds so petty and lame, is how devasted, angry and confused I feel about losing my access to my education. Learning has always been a safe place for me. I could excel in school whilst being hurt at home. I could leave all that rubbish at the school gate and just delve deep into science and maths and english and forget what was happening. I never finished high school due to abuse at home and the onset of DID. But I managed to get into Uni and I love it. It was my safe place after therapy, after I was well enough to discontinue my medication. It was the place I could plan for life, be like everyone else and move forward and feel "normal". Having lost that to closures of the education, despite it moving to online, has taken that safe place away from me. I am so lost? I know that I place a large junk of my identity into my academic life whilst other parts of me handle the rest of things - now that role has been taken away, I can't cope. I don't know what I am good for without it? I can't relate to my partner or his family that we live with - I don't know what I am supposed to be doing and it is making me feel such despair. Thank you for listening to this rant :/

13 REPLIES 13
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Re: Loss of a safe place?

That is really hard @Isabelle and I am sure you are not alone in feeling lost at the moment. I understand how so much of who you are and your identity comes from your education - I was much the same as you through my childhood. I too threw myself into school and sport - anything to block out home and the world around me. That continued on into adulthood where uni took me out of an abusive relationship and not only gave me some solace but success there gave me something to hold onto.

 

But I will say to you that you are more than you do and despite how you are feeling there is more to you than just education. Find those things that make you You - even the smallest things matter ...because you matter. When we start to appreciate the little things in our lives we can begin to grow in directions we had never thought of. I always had an interest in art but it wasn't until I was older that I could follow that dream and passion. Education gave me a base to survive when I needed to but 'life' (when I got it back for myself) gave me the desire and impetus to find and do the things I loved.

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

Hi there @Isabelle 

 

I am sorry to hear of your despair at the loss of such an important part of your identity. It is surely a very tough time for many of us who have lost important roles in our life. I wish we knew when things will return to nornal but sadly we have to just toughit out. Good on you for reaching out and describing your situation. I am sure that it resonates with many other members. If you do become concerned about youur mental wellbeing please reach out for support to help services like the SANE help centre. There is good professional support available if you need it.

Hang in there and keep posting.

Whitehawk

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

I relate a lot to school being the safe zone @Isabelle  ... relatively ...

 

and going with math and science as bringing some order to the chaos around me.

 

I hope you can still do some online.

 

My son was opposite. He school refused in Year 7 ... and this year finally found motivation to start a degree and socialise  ... only 2 months in ... and it had to stop. 

 

The good thing is that we are both fairly used to self isolation ... on the bird pic on isolation thread... we are both owls ... 

 

@Zoe7response is very wise and thoughtful.

Heart

 

Take Care

Apple

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

Hi Isabelle, I had some of these issues, when I was first diagnosed at uni. What I realised years later is that my life was not balanced. You need to expand what you do and who and how you do things. This is part of life that everyone needs. Uni is great, really social and stimulating and there are lots of interactions that sustain you, or at least there was. This current situation is trying for all of us, especially socially. One suggestion I liked was to make sure you have real time interactions rather than just reading posts. A phone call, video chat or discussion with your neighbour over the back fence can do wonders, you need the energy that is generated by real time interactions, you just have to find your own way to do this and what works for you. Experiment, be curious and explore.

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

helllo and hugs @Isabelle Heart

@Mex@Appleblossom@Zoe7 

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

I appreciate all your comments @Zoe7 , @Whitehawk , @Appleblossom , @Mex and @Shaz51. You have given me plenty to mull over and more importantly right now, things to really contemplate about who I am as a person outside mental health and academia. I appreciate the themes of balance that many have stated and I hope through mindful practice, maybe over time, I will find it. You have all given me a place to calm down and think and I am very grateful for that.

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

It is hard when we are confronted with questions of "who are we and where are we goign' @Isabelle so take your time to work through those. It does not have to be rushed and no answers need to be forthcoming straight away ...it is a process thst you can work through gradually. Happy to talk things out with you long the way - we are here for you Hon ...you are not alone Heart

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

You are most certainly right with that @Zoe7 , it's an incredibly broad and frightful question, even for people not managing mental health complications. I'll take my time and try to revist it ever so often, especially when I'm using education as a coping tool. Thanks again! Smiley Happy

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Re: Loss of a safe place?

Absolutely no rush @Isabelle Finding our sense of self is not something we can do over night - the process itself can be empowering though and often we find out more about ourselves as we go along. 

 

It is really hard when we have lost the one thing that both fills our time and also we use as a coping tool. What other things are you interested in? I love art - and part of my few years off work (when I was a lot better mentally and physically) allowed me to find that part of myself again and I was able to begin focussing more on that - it was not only finding something I was passionate about but also helped my confidence to develop a little more as I had something to focus on each day.

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