Something’s not right
10-04-2020 03:23 PM
I need advice. I have no idea
I swore 2019 was a year from hell. I was having continuous nervous breakdowns for about 5months. My son’s new wife was trying to destroy us emotionally via Fb messenger, telling us how awful we were as grandparents to their 3 girls. She compared us to the children’s other 2 sets of grandparents and inflated them all the while breaking our spirit to pieces. We started to accept the fact we are in full estrangement. She has put up many excuses of what is wrong with us, but ignore the real underlying issues. My adult daughter is on the autism spectrum and my time eventually was taken up a lot with her. I always made sure daughter in law understood, that I would help her with the girls, with child minding. But daughter in law became impatient with me as I needed always to plan and organise. Daughter in law comes from a past of instant now movement and was spoilt rotten. We resigned to the fact that she hates us because we are unable to be controlled. She is very blunt, upfront, loud and controlling with her family. My son is emotionally devoid and is happy to just fluff over with small talk and acting like nothing is wrong.
I love the grandchildren, but I am not going to lose or destroy myself to be a grandparent, because their mother is a toxic hot head.
Last night daughter in law sent a fb message; how are you during this covid19 thing? my flags and sirens went right off. DANGER. I pulled away, and pushed it down. I was not engaging, I watched tv. My husband engaged her via messenger and I felt all my safety fall away.
At the moment I am trying to stay mentally strong for my immune system during this difficult time we are all facing.
I have arrived to a place where up to yesterday I felt I could survive mentally without my son and his children in my life, though at times it is very sad at strange times, like what the world is facing right now. But I have my walls right up, I have some armour, it might not be healthy armour, but its keeping me going. I just push it aside as what they have chosen, to not have us in their life. I will not go back to those crushing huge anguish months of last year. I have big trust issues now, what is her motive, what does she want. I dont trust her one bit. I’ve seen how she plays people for her benefit. She triggers alot of anxiety in me and its because of my background. I haven’t healed my inner child. My emotional needs were never met and was trained to be the cause and be responsible for other people’s problems.
I’m scared of reconnecting with them. I dont want to go back to what it was like. There always was an undertone of tension from her in regard to us and our decisions we had to make at times. She didn’t like people saying no to her and there were a few times I needed to say no, (my daughter, commitments) and over 4 years it was a down hill slope from then. It was always a feeling of what we could do for them. But it should be a balance for all.
Only seeing life from her perspective. I dont know how to move forward, without her exploding again. She did say she was sorry via messenger , but that she is a hormonal mess at times. I just couldnt deal with anypart of it, it was late and I need to sleep.
10-04-2020 03:56 PM
Re: I need advice. I have no idea
Grandmother Hugs @Dark_Olena
Sometimes armour is there to protect us, at least til you have figured out an apprpriate way for you. It might be their loss. My alarm bells ring when there is playing off and popularity contests. Its not good for the children or anyone really. I am lucky I do not have to deal with a situation as toxic as yours.
10-04-2020 07:38 PM
Re: I need advice. I have no idea
Hi, take it easy...understand your concerns..the process " to heal" is lengthy from both sides..small steps will help..