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Something’s not right

THX1138
Casual Contributor

Family alienation

I've largely lost my family due to a huge manic bipolar disorder 1 episode in 2020. I was hospitalised for 6 weeks and diagnosed and I've been stable since. But I was so crazy my ex took out an AVO against me. We separated in 2017. I didn't speak to my two kids (8 and 11) for six months. Now I speak three times a week. I did see them for the first time in two years a month ago. It went fine. I asked my ex about another catch up, yesterday she texted to say the boys don't want to see me any time soon, seeing me brought up bad memories for them. I've tried social workers, counsellors, psychologists etc but there's no answer. My own family just think it's all my fault and don't speak to me much. I don't know what to do. Maybe just let it go and accept that I've largely lost my kids.

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Family alienation

Hi @THX1138 Welcome to the forums. 

This sounds really awful and I'm hearing how alone you feel. Having kids of my own, I can imagine how important your kids are to you, and your family hasn't been understanding of the mental illness and is making you feel it's all your fault. You are not alone, there are plenty of people here who understand what you're going through. 

I hope you find some support and connection here. I'm wishing you well 💝

Re: Family alienation

Hey @THX1138 Welcome to the forums, I hope you find our special community supportive ❤️ 

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. It must be so difficult to be separated from your children and be isolated from your family. Sounds lonely ❤️

 

It also sounds like you've lost a little bit of hope in seeing your kids more? That must be so difficult. I really hope we can help you figure out some other options. It sounds like you've been trying a few things to change the situation. Would you mind sharing a bit about what that that like and if there was anything useful from them?

 

I wonder if there's something in there or a way you can discuss the things that have changed for you with your partner or maybe working with a mediator? 

 

If you're up for it, I thought I'd share some resources that might be useful

  • Relationships Australia offer a range of resources, some useful ones include mediation and co-parenting after separation. 
  • You could also call our drop-in line to help talk some of this out? You can call on 1800 187 263

 

Are any of these useful? 

 

PS You can @click @ and then type a user name to let someone know you've responded. That user will get a notification that you've responded

Re: Family alienation

I tried to arrange family counselling last year through my psychiatrist and a social worker specialising in mental health and its impact on children. My ex attended one meeting but was defensive and mostly asked about my relapse risk or non-adherence to medication risk. Then she didn't talk to me for four months. Relationships Australia can't help unless my ex agrees to participate. Counselling services broadly say 'Oh just wait', which is effectively advising me to keep doing what isn't working and hurts an incredible amount for the foreseeable future. I'm not sure that's reasonable or sustainable. Court is a bad idea - long, slow, uncertain, $10k-$50k, I'd get my medical history tossed around in open court and its not likely the court will follow the kids' wishes. There just aren't any support services or psychologists for social alienation and depression caused by major mental illnesses. Honestly I wish I'd had cancer instead, I would have got sympathy instead of being distrusted and shunned and giving my children nightmares. 

Re: Family alienation

oh @THX1138 I'm so sorry that all of this hasn't worked for your situation. You've been so determined to a solution. I'm sorry that it's shaking out this way. Especially as your partner isn't able to see the progress you've made. I'm glad you speak with them a few times a week, it sounds like it's really important to you, even if you're looking for more ❤️ 

 

I know other will jump in to give you some support ❤️ 

 

I know others have found our community really welcoming when they've felt alienated from their families and others. I'm going to tag our wonderful community guides for you to get to know ❤️ 

@Anastasia  @AussieRecharger  @BPDSurvivor  @Faith-and-Hope  @HenryX  @jem80  @Judi9877  @NatureLover  @outlander  @Shaz51  @ShiningStar  @Snowie  @Hams  @wellwellwellnez  @Zoe7  @Aniela  @Boo13  @CrazyChick  @maddison  @pinklollipop15  @Eve7 

Re: Family alienation

There's nothing harder. I was hospitalized with schizophrenia when I was 30. My partner left Australia for her home in New Zealand. Then went no phone contact. Then told me I'd deserted my family. 

Last year my daughter contacted me via social media. She's studying biology at uni. She's editing the science  magazine.  She's sent me pictures and she's beautiful. I'm  so scared of saying the wrong thing. My point is not a self involved word salad. It's that it's not over for you and your kids.I'd advise gentle patience. 

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