I have a very crap time these last nine months. In particular the last two weeks have been frustrating and depressing in regards to people's complete disrespect and lack of communication towards me, personally and professionally. I'm feeling deeply depressed and not wanting to engage with anyone. The thought of doing that fills me with anxiety and panic.
Professionally, I put in a submission for funding with my local business hive. That took me a lot if courage and out if my own comfort zone. I really do need funding and other things this place offers. I spoke to the person in thus department after putting in my submission. She said it us fairly straightforward from here, I assess it and give you an answer as to the result of your application.
I was excited and hopeful. I thought it would be good to have support for me and much needed funding. I left it for her to make her decision. That was roughly two weeks ago. I have sent her a follow up email to ask about the progress of my application Outcome, no acknowledgement and no response. So very disheartening for me and I'm very upset and sad. I'm not wanting to get in touch about it anymore.
Professionally, I got approached about a project from a client. He told me about the project and asked what my professional fees were. I got the drift that he wanted the project completed do I sent him my proposal and quote. Preparing a proposal and quite takes time. Time, I'm not being paid for. I emailed it to him and have given him a few days. I followed up with him yesterday to see if he has had a chance to look at it and decide whether he wishes to go ahead. Outcome, no response and no acknowledgement. Disheartened and further frustration, depression getting worse. This is my bread and butter. How I make a living. Hesitant to reach out to him anymore and I will just let go of the project.
Personally, had a doctor's appt the other day. I'm new to this surgery and will be going elsewhere. Where I live there are no bulk billing doctors. An appt can cost me anywhere of $130 to $150 before a rebate. It's a lot if money to come up with. They really stuffed up on my last visit which meant my rebate was declined from Medicare. They still have not sorted it out and it's been almost two weeks. It's out if my hands as it is between the surgery and Medicare. There is nothing I can do, I tried. Financially, I struggled as a result cause I relied on my rebate. I'm very upset and feel so powerless.
Sane surgery and I'm having to consider whether to report the doctor I saw for unprofessional conduct which could have resulted in tragic consequences for me. He did not provide a safe experience when I was already in distress. I didn't have the energy to fight. I'm feeling horrible about what happened and I just have very little energy and support.
I truly am starting to become very withdrawn, not trusting of anyone and just have no coping skills anymore. It is not all that has happened, it's just some of the things. I can't do anything anymore. I can't force people to talk to me or acknowledge me.
I feel worthless. I know it's more a reflection of others, than it is of me but it's doing damage anyhow.
I don't know what to do to get through this? I really have no idea. I want some reprieve from things. Some bonafide dilutions, some hope, some healing, a way out, a way forward cause I don't know anymore. I'm just plain tired and very depressed.
