Lived Experience Forum

[Eve7]

Sending lots of love to you @WIP and really hoping this admission is the beginning of your new life...just one little step forward at a time.

💙💙🤗🤗💙💙

[WIP]

Hi @NatureLover Yes, I'll be allowed to have my phone with me, so that's a good thing.

Thank you for your kind wishes of strength and hope. I'm running very low on both of those atm.

Thank you @Anastasia & @Eve7  you are a wonderful friends.

[NatureLover]

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@WIP wrote:

Hi @NatureLover Yes, I'll be allowed to have my phone with me, so that's a good thing.

Thank you for your kind wishes of strength and hope. I'm running very low on both of those atm.

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Hi @WIP ...just wanted to check in with you and wish you all the best for your admission this morning...I'm glad you can have your phone in hospital.

Sending more wishes for strength and hope 💜

[WIP]

Thank you very much @NatureLover 

No surprise, I didn't sleep well and I'm already feeling very anxious. I need to drop Levi off to Mum this morning & I'm being admitted this afternoon. So I hope I settle down a little.

Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it 💙

[Anastasia]

Sending you a little coping box @WIP 🎁

Inside are the things you need today as well as during your stay. 

Love always L 💞

[NatureLover]

Hi @WIP , did your anxiety settle down a little yesterday? I'm sorry you had a bad night before going into hospital. How long is the hospital stay for? 

Am pretty concerned for you, but am glad you're safe in hospital now. Am wishing for good things to happen while you're there, and minimal stress. 

I just feel for you so much, @WIP  💔

Holding hope for you and wishing for what you need at the moment you need it 💛

[WIP]

Hi @NatureLover 

Thanks for your concern, I'm pretty concerned about myself too. I don't want to live like this anymore - it's not living, just existing.

Yesterday was awful. Just before I left for hospital, I received a notification from Centrelink that they're cutting off my jobseeker payments, because they didn't accept my medical exemption certificate that my pdoc provided. So, I'm super stressed about that. I have little money as it is. So, another hit now - financial stress. I don't have the mindset or concentration to deal with Centrelink to appeal their decision - it's all too hard. Everything is too hard.

I saw my pdoc last night and he seems very frustrated with me and said there's no magical pill that is going to fix you and that's what you are wanting. I asked if we should try me going back on an SSRI that I was on for years and helped at the time, but he would prefer to up the dosage of the current SRNI that I've been on for 12 weeks, to the maximum dose - I don't know what to do! He said medication alone isn't going to help you (I know that) and is pushing me to do a 6 month DBT course. But I don't know when that starts & even if I qualify, because I didn't finish the 12 week DBT course due to missing too many weeks. 
He also said loneliness is contributing to my depression (I know that!!!), but didn't take any notice of me when I explained that some days I wake up with tears in my eyes, some weeks I'm too anxious to even leave the house - how am I supposed to make friends and have relationships.

I really got the feeling he thinks im bringing this all on myself and doesn't really care much, so that made me feel awful. I was bawling while talking to him and he just looked at me.

I'm dangerously miserable and every day is torture. Im sitting in my freezing cold room crying. The nurses just come and deliver your meds and that's about it.

I have no hope and my medical team don't know what to do with me. I know what I want to do.

[HappyCastle]

Hi @WIP 

I am so sorry to hear how you're feeling right now. As much as I think sometimes we all really need a big cry, sitting in a freezing room sounds really hard.

It sounds like there's been a lot going on, especially with your experience with the clinician. I have absolutely felt that way, thinking that they are saying it's all in my head and that is hard, especially when we are going to those people for 'help'. How do you feel about starting the DBT course if you qualify? 

It sounds to me that you are able to clearly identify that the situation with Centrelink and the lonliness has been contributing in a big way to where you're at the moment and that makes so much sense to me. Is there anyone you could lean into to support you with the Centrelink stuff?

I get that it's hard to make friends when things are feeling too hard. I'm really glad you are here on the forums with us, and I hope that you can continue to reach out to all of the good people here to find that connection whilst you are struggling with all of this. We see you, we hear you and we care for you!

When you say you're feeling dangerously miserable, I wonder if you are feeling safe for now?

[WIP]

Thank you for your note @HappyCastle 

It was very nice of you to say 'we see you, we hear you and we care for you'. Irl the only person that cares for me is my Mum & I've almost worn her out - we rarely talk on the phone these days (because I'm always in tears) and just text each other.

Im in hospital, so I am safe. The constant SI thoughts scare me a lot & don't make me feel safe.

There is a social worker here, who is going to help me with Centrelink 2mrw, so I feel a little bit supported with that. But Centrelink are so finicky that I'm not holding my breath of a positive outcome.

I just wish this deep, dark depression & hightened anxiety would ease just a little - just enough to give me some hope. I've been like this for so very long & it's excruciating. Having an unsupportive pdoc makes it all that much worse. 😭

[Anastasia]

Hugs and love @WIP 🤗❣️

I see and hear you too sweetheart ❤️