Lived Experience Forum

[samt31]

i was wondering if there was anyone  with schizophrenia on here? my journey started when i left my job and moved to nsw. After month of being there i was hospitalised for a month and had a period of psychosis. i hadn't slept in 2 -3 days and was not coping by this stage.moved back to my home town and started to take some time out before looking for another job. then i meet my partner back in 2011 and 6 years still together.

Then in 2013 i was hospitalised again, this was due to a change in medications. I don't remember how i got to hospital but my partner had to be there see me go through a rough morning (which of course i don't remember but police and ambulance attended apperently). This time i was hosptialised 3 months and took some time off work to recover. i was then this time diagnosed with schizophrenia. it was really hard to hear this but mum and my partner remember this day all to well. once i was stable i returned to work and saw a different physiatrist. i was in a program but didn't find it helpful only wishing i got the number of a person that i started to befriend as lost my bestfriend as she just didn't understand mental illness gave up on her in 2015. What i learnt here if you can afford the medications that your on and its keeping you stable don't ask your physiatrist to change it as this why i was hospitalised in the first place.

in 2014 i was really stressed and i was not coping with work. my main thing that goes wrong is the voices i hear. monday at work all i was getting was auditury hullucations from outside which lead me not to work that week. sure enough we rang the crisis helpline and it turned out i was having another episode. This time i was hospitalised for 6 months and 8 months off work. I quit my job in 2015 for some casual childcare work. this was a tough year for everyone. i didn't hear about my parents divorce until i was out of hospital. my partner knew but could tell me as he was leaving up to my mum to tell me.

now three years later i have an injection every 2 weeks and on three other medications. of which now i take one everyday and rely on the public system for support. have family and partner support which is also good. just want to hear other peoples journeys and other people that have a simliar illness to mine. I am now stable thank goodness and can work. Every day now i hear voices of my sister in law and sometimes it stresses me out. i notice that they are stressful i take my prn to combat them or listen to music. How do other people cope with their voices? iam hoping sharing my story can reach out to others and people like me

[Queenie]

Hi @samt31. I've been on the boards since mid last year when I was being hospitalised for a schizophrenic episode. Life for a schizophrenic can be difficult at times, especially when not we are not well in the grips of psychosis. I've been there many times so really can relate. At the moment I am stressed a bit so my voices are heightened (I never completely get rid of them). 

Due to my schizophrenia, I was forced to resign from a job which I loved (somewhat illegally forced to resign I might add!) in 2009. I also lost my home which I owned and a long term relationship. My journey has seen me struggle with poverty, homelessness, drugs and alcohol. I lost most of my friends and am now shut away from my family (they refuse to see me). 

But it's not all bad, I am now financially secure on the DSP pension and have a roof over my head which is stable. I am also in a loving nurturing relationship and to me, that makes a world of difference. I have also had the opportunity to study and have completed a Cert IV in peer work and mental health. This year I want to complete the diploma in Mental health and AOD, before hopefully going off to Uni and doing Social work. 

I've been on a myriad of medications and largely I still am. I am on a fortnightly injection too and also take 3 other psychiatric medications in order to keep me functioning. 

So welcome from me to the boards, and yes there are people living with schizophrenia on the forums. 🙂

[Former-Member]

@Mr_stress, come talk with @Queenie, she knows what ya going to through 🙂
Hi Queenie, xox

[Queenie]

Hi @Former-Member. The family are watching 'Sausage Party' on DVD (I got it for Christmas from my soon to be MIL). I'm around @Mr_stress to talk to if you want.

[samt31]

hi @Queenie for your reply!! great to hear your story. i am also on DSP but since my partner and i both work we don't get the benefits but working is another way of keeping me stable. recently i did 67 hours in one fortnight i was stressed out took 4 days off and had to see the physiatrist for a prn and now i have to know my limits. just happy i have a concession card to help me pay for things are we both low income earners.

it is sad your family aren't around you and don't have the support from them. i found that other person in your life does make a world difference. the only problem with him is i am home by myself he works nights, so looking forward to when he switches to day work. i don't have any friends, even though there's a friend in Germany have reconnected with. so i kinda do miss my bestie but the way her life was and comment she made i just gave up on her.

its good to hear you have made your life better and can relate to voices. the frigde talks sometimes. what kinda of voices do you get if you don't mind me asking? my voices consist of family, the main one is georgie(sister in law). proplery repeating myself but i do this all the time. does but it works effectively. have you experinece wieght gain with your meds? be fore i was placed on an injection i too was given lots of medications but none seemed to work. thanks for your welcome and yes i would like to find more people with this illness

[Queenie]

It's wonderful that you have your partner around you. I live with my gf, so I do have support from a significant other which has done me the world of good (even if I do get paranoid the relationship is over for no good reason, my gf reassures me everything is ok). 

My voices are familar to me (mainly because I've heard them so long) but they aren't based on anyone in reality. I have a malevolent being called Asher (he told me his name when I was playing the song 'Brimful of Asha' once) and several others. Mostly they mock me and often they command me to do some truly awful things (like beat people up). I've never done any of these and would like to say I never will. When really stressed out I can become very paranoid where I believe everyone is watching me or I am under surveillance by the government. Hence why I have the diagnosis paranoid schizophrenia. 

We're not allowed to mention specific medications on the forum (sorry it's against guidelines), so you might want to edit your post and just say you're on high doses of your injection. I am on a mid range dose, but take 2 other antipsychotics as tablets and an antidepressant. You ask about weight gain? Before I was diagnosed I was 14 (so average) but now I am morbidly obsese (size 22), so yes I've had a lot of weight gain. I find my medications make me crave sugar to the point I will find an all night convenience store in the pouring rain at midnight just to get my fix. It's crazy let me tell you! 

[samt31]

dear @Queenie

thanks for answering back...

last night my brother was complaining about me and i couldn't sleep! i only get his voice if something is not right...but he has gone for now. it is a conservation for me in my head but i know that it isn't real. just talking about the family and my partners family was the complainants.

by hearing your voices can you easily lose touch of reality? I find that i can if iam really sick but last night was just an example of what happens before i go to sleep. I hear throughout the day that it's not fair etc from my sister in law from what i am doing that day. even when iam driving this occurs.

i have experienced commands in my voices as well but as strong as that. my example is was told not get the meat out for the bqq and to through socks out..this was when first cam out of hospital in 2014.

the weight has always been an issue. i was 12 before i started on meds and now iam size 14-18 depending on the fit. Cream and icecream was my craving. sugar is alot less with my injection. but it so hard. i can't stop eating and find that eat more I am at home. sounds crazy but i know where you are coming from i needed to eat chocolate. needed to walk to the shops to get more

[Queenie]

Hi @samt31. It must be very confronting hearing voices of family members and people you know. I guess I am lucky in this regard with my voices because, the ones I hear aren't people I know (I only say I "know" them because I've heard them so long). I guess in this way I can distinguish between what is reality and what isn't. It must be all the more difficult to lose touch with your reality if the voices are known to you and are family members. 

I still struggle with my reality. I used to hallucinate that I could see bugs and vermin crawling around on people and it used to really freak me out. Thankfully, my medication keeps me stable enough that I no longer hallucinate to that extent. Having said that though, I am easily prone to paranoid thinking and tend to overthink things a lot. I guess that comes with the territory of the illness.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who craves bad foods thanks to medications! I'd do anything sometimes for chocolate (joking). Like you, I find I eat more when I am home. When I am out, even though I'm surrounded by temptation, I am able to hold out most of the time. At home it's like nibble nibble nibble.

[samt31]

dear @Queenie

it can be confronting at times but its something that i got used to. i can tell my family i heard them but they don't react as they know its the illness. i lose touch of reality when iam sick but its annoying that you have to work out the balance between reality and real life...glad this doesn't happen to you..

that is fanastic that your stable on yours meds and don't hallucinate. i remember seeing spiders when i was hospitalised for the second time. but with my injection i don't have those problems. i stress over things alot.

i think it is easier to access the cupboard when you are home but likewise food is yummy lol.

[Former-Member]

hello @samt31 @Queenie @Former-Member

I want to thank you for you courage in writing your stories on this forum.

I have major depression and anxiety and have written books on here in wrong places.

I found this post by chance.

I wanted to tell you that my 37 year old son was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in october last year. He does not believe that he is unwell. He has told his dad and I (divorced, both have other partners) that there are people out there who are plotting to permanently harm him and us.

He has escaped the state and will not tell us where he is. he has changed his phone no. at the moment he only contacts his dad as his dad has been giving him money. I said no last time he asked and i received a tirade of abuse about myself and my husband. i ring his dad to find out what is happening.

I have researched articles about schizophrenia and after reading them find myself more confused. Some lean towards "they are in denial - nothing you can do until they acknowledge that they are ill" other articles have stated support them no matter what.

My quandary is that I cant contact him. if he rings me again it will be to ask for money. i listen to him until he stops talking and then try to respond, treading on eggshells, trying to let him know that i know he is stressed and i feel for him and still love him. i will not listen to verbal abuse though. i will not send money to him when i do not know where he is and what the money is actually spent on.

So my question is this: Am I doing the wrong thing by my son, therefore exacerbating his illness and is he thinking that i have forsaken him. he told me last time when i said no to the money that i no longer had two sons i only had 1 son now which wasnt him.

my heart is aching, bursting,  my tears are overflowing.

What should I do???