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Former-Member
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Re: not feeling good

Dear @BlueBay


I'm sorry I didnt get back to you yesterday, I havent been around the forums so much the last couple of days.
I was very amused with Little As antics re having a baby. Yes it is amazing how much they listen, pick up and learn from watching those around them and TV programs as well. They are little sponges at that age, they really are. Quite amazing, as well as adorable. And I am so glad to know you have her in your life, because I know how much laughter and joy she brings you.

Sorry you had such an emotional night. The sudden tears are a bit of a mystery perhaps, but it likely a build up of stress and strain and feeling somewhat helpless. It may well be that it was good for you in a way. I note that you are feeling tired and a little anxious upon waking this morning. but thats to be expected with everything that you have been dealing with.

Oh dear ... Your Mum is a major ongoing source of distress, anger and frustration for you BlueBay. Of course I cannot tell you to forget her, because I know you cant. She is your Mum, even if she doesnt act like it sometimes. I really wish you had a better relationship with your mother, I wish she was more supportive of you, I wish your beloved MIL was still around for you. No amount of wishing from me though, will help the relationship with your Mum.

I know you try to keep in contact and maintain a relationship with your Mum and your Dad. But sometimes its just too hard, and not worth the toll it takes on your wellbeing. Try to take a step back from them, let them come to you ... if they choose to. And if they dont, then just know that you've done all you can to do the right thing. There is only so much you can do. Your mothers lack of response to your attempts at maintaining a normal mother/daughter relationship is sad and deflating. I know it hurts and continues to be very painful to you. But you dont need her BlueBay, and you dont need the continuing 'games' she plays at your expense.

Try to keep calm, spend some extra time with Little A, go for a walk if you can ... but mostly count the blessings you have right in front of you.

Sending love and understanding your way BlueBay.

 

Waves to @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Maggie @Flying_Hams 👋

Sherry 🤗🌺

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay  Little A is adorable, that’s for sure. I smiled reading your yesterday giggle.

 

I’m sorry your mum continues to disappoint you. If you can try and have a decent enough day, regardless of her uncaring attitude.

I hope little A brings a smile to you today. She’s a treasure.

Take care @BlueBay 💙💙💙

Re: not feeling good

I'm sorry @BlueBay

Hearing you

Re: not feeling good

Morning @BlueBay 

 

It's good to focus on your relationship with your D and little A, because they are clearly reciprocal (give and take) relationships.   It sounds like your mother only knows how to take, which is a completely different sort of relationship to be in.  It works by different rules, and people who are like that can't respond the way you need them to ..... but that is a conversation that you probably need to have with your psychologist.  He will need to help you with boundaries and rules around interacting with her that help to protect you and heal from a relationship that isn't a nurturing one.

 

sSomecrelationships are nurturing, and some are simply transactional.  Learning the difference can be quite liberating in one way, but they also show you areas that need boundaries, what sort of boundaries are required,  and what healing work needs to be done as a result of the boundaries not having been there to protect you when you needed them.

 

Keep doing the work Hon ..... you are making more gains than you are aware of yet.  Processing is long, hard and emotional.  It's a journey.  Make sure it is also filled with love and light through special people who do know how to care.

 

💙

Re: not feeling good

Thank you so much for your love and support @Faith-and-Hope @Flying_Hams @Maggie @Former-Member 

It's been a difficult morning but i am ok now.  What happened was that i phoned my mum to say we would like to come down for a coffee and see them.  Bring little A to see them.  She replies to me 'oh i have to check with your father' (mind you she never ever checks with my dad, as she makes all decisions).  she comes back on the phone and says 'how many of you are coming' (she knows full well that it would just me me, D and A) she then says oh that's too many people in one house with the Covid virus.  I was shocked and said 'don't worry about it' and she says 'yeah lets wait until its all over' - well my thinking was 'lets wait because i am not coming down anymore'.

i don't need her in my life right now, not sure if ever.  

i got off the phone, ranted to my D and she said 'don't worry about her' - but the trouble is do worry, i get so bloddy angry.  she makes no effort to see how i am, or to even say can we come down to your place and spend an afternoon with you.  never.  no point in continuing this conversation about her.  she just rubs me up the wrong way - all the time.

 

My D and I with little A went down the street. Home now, A having her nap.  once she wakes up we'll take her to the park and I'll get some food for dinner.  

I get very angry and emotional when things go wrong.  And this morning was one of them.  Feeling of rejection and not wanted anymore is a horrible feeling.  

But i am ok, i just need to work through these tough times.  I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow morning.  I also made a call to refer myself back to my psychologist and i have an appt for August.  About 6 weeks time, in the meantime i will use my doctor if need be.  

You are all right - I have so much love for my own family and they give it back to me (well not so much hubby) but little A gives back so much love to me.  It's so hard to explain unless you have grandchildren the love they give.

 

My older son has a new girlfriend and we met her a few weeks ago.  she is so lovely, works as a nurse.  She came over on Sunday night for dinner and stayed the night.  I think they have been seeing each other fior a while before we knew.  I'm really happy for my son, he is talking about moving out again and go back to the area he was last year.

so if he does move out again, D and A can move back into his room and things might start to look a little better.  

 

work - i really don't know what's going on.  No one has contacted me to see how I am.  I did call in last week and gave a worker my medical certificate from the surgeon for time off.  but i don't get sick leave as i am casual worker.

if they don't have work for me then i will be really stuck.  the money we have is very quickly going and its scary.

 

 

 

Re: not feeling good

That's a lot @BlueBay

But it sounds like you may be on top of it a bit. Which counts that's for sure.

I'm always warmed by you talking about your grand daughter. Always 🙂

Re: not feeling good

thanks @Flying_Hams I'm glad littke A amuses you. She is currently playing trains with her 24 yr old uncle!!!  it's so cute. 

@Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Owlunar 

everything I'm doing tonight is wrong according to hubby. Shoes in the wrong spot; argues with me reg something we saw on tv. Pots and dishes put on the wrong bench. Blah blah blah 

I've blocked my ears and not saying a word. 

@Owlunar  how are you today? And @Former-Member I've been thinking of you too. 

Re: not feeling good

it does @BlueBay

But it also makes me remember just how important I am for my own grandparents. I still remember photos of me with my grandparents well before I could walk or talk. I must've been a bundle of joy for them - a renewal of the time they were parents perhaps?

I even still have a crochet blanket that my paternal great grandma made when my mum was pregnant with me, but she never lived to see me use it. I can only imagine what the thought in her head was at the time, that she'd be overwhelmed with joy even.

It's just that every time you always speak of A it always brings back fond memories and notions in my own world. Hearing you speak about A in such a loving way is really powerful stuff.

Even the other day when I visited my grandparents my pop was saying that it was good that i had a permanent job after everything i had to deal with in relation to my mental health. The older generation can take some getting used to with things like mental health, but for him to say that was profoundly uplifting - a sign that he was at rest with where i was; because i was too.

I was fortunate enough to also know my great grandparents and they lived til their mid 90s. The first funeral I went to was my great grandfathers - i was in year 7 - and i was looking forward to having a day off school. My dad said he would briefly mention something I said when news broke about my great grandfather's death - that a funeral was a celebration of someone's life. IT was understandably niave of me at such a young age to think that I could get some mention at a funeral. I look back on it now and laugh at how stupid it was to think that. But seeing both my father, and grand father upset at the loss of a man who they clearly both admired hit me. It made me realise that death was real and not just a trivial thing. I thought I would need to take a day off school the very next day. I went from being excited that I got a day off school, to not wanting to go the next day as I was sad. I still remember the dinner table that night, my sister and me were quite sad - it was the first funeral we'd been to.

But there were many people there and the extended family too. I saw a side to many there I'd never seen before. PErhaps seeing that shook me out of what was a rather naive, youthful and silly thing to be excited about.

@BlueBay my friend - NEVER underestimate your role as a grandparent 🙂

Re: not feeling good

Oh @Flying_Hams  i have tears reading your post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It means a lot. ❤️
my first funeral was my grandmother. She died 20 years ago and she my dads mum. I am named after her. It's a tradition to csll the children after the grand parents. I'm very honoured to be named after her. I was close to her. When she came to our home she would sleep in my bed and I would hop in her bed in the morning and she would keep me warm. I will never forget that. whenever littke A is in my bed and I'm hugging her and keeping her warm I think of my nonna snd the memories I had. 
oh gosh I'm emotional but nice tears. 
Snd littke A's middle name is mine snd her great great grandmother. Such a special gesture my daughter did. I had no idea. I'm very hsppy. 

I can tell you have a lot of love for your grandparents. And they adore you so much. 
the blanket you hsve is a very special piece of family history. Hold onto it. She would have been very excited. I can imagine the joy she would have had crocheting the blanket. 
Oh I'm so happy that me retelling my day or time with littke A reminds you of your childhood. 
it's the best priceless gift given to me and Thsts to be a nonna. The best. 
I'm really happy to share littke A with you. She's my little angel. Do you remember the dream I had before A was born?? Not sure you know. 
I had a dream that I was holding a baby girl in my arms. The peace the love I had for this baby was unbelievable. I had a whole body sensation of calm. 
a year later I found out my D is pregnant with a girl. Wow i thought - my dream. 
my dream as telling me something. The best dream ever. 

hamza never give up hope. Love snd life will be yours. One day. The right time. Always believe you can achieve. 
Always love chatting with you. ❤️❤️

Re: not feeling good

Onya @BlueBay
🙂
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