Lived Experience Forum

[Whitehawk]

Hi there @BlueBay 

I am so sorry to read that you had a bad appointment and that it has had such an effect on you.  You are not bad! In fact you are the opposite of bad.  Please keep your self safe tonight and reach out for support to the help lines if you need to. We are all hoping you are able to get some rest after such a tumultuous day.

regards

Whitehawk

[BlueBay]

@Whitehawk 

Do you know what?

nsybe it is time I die and go away 

had an argument t eith hubby 

of course it's my fault 

it's always  my fault 

Who cares anyway 

[Former-Member]

I care @BlueBay ... a lot ... you know that.  As do many others.  Where would your children be without you?  Clearly they care.  And A ... your dear little angel whom you wrote the beautiful poem about a couple of days ago.  How could you ever believe that she would not miss you or care that you werent there for her.  And despite what you may think, or things he may (or may not) say, I have no doubt that your hubby also cares a great deal.  I am sorry that you've had this argument with him.  Certainly not ideal on top of the seriously bad psych appointment you had today. Try not to lay blame about the argument ... not on hubby, and certainly not on yourself. Can you go away and do some colouring in for a while and allow some calm to come over you.  Then have another think about things.  Probably then you will realise that the argument was essentially over nothing, or something that really doesnt matter anyway.

I am concerned for you though BlueBay ... and would like to know that you will call a help line or other assistance if you are unable to calm your thinking to some extent.

[BlueBay]

In bed crying @Former-Member 

@it hurts too much 

trying to sleep 

it's hard 

[Former-Member]

Thats good that you are in bed and trying to sleep @BlueBay .  I know it hurts ... gosh, what can I say? Not much I guess.  Wish there was.  Anyway I know its really hard, but its important you try to sleep.  Things never look as bad in the light of day.  Get through tonight and then reassess in the morning.

[Angels333]

Hugs @BlueBay 💚💙💜❤🧡💛

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member @Angels333 @Whitehawk 

Thankyou for your support last night. 
I really had a bad afternoon which then got worse in the evening. 
im really sorry @Former-Member for worrying you so much last night. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry @Whitehawk I didn't reply to your email. I ended up falling to sleep. 

I emailed my psych this morning and I can now stop 2 meds thst were given to me in hodpital. They were meant to be temporary. 
so thst was me been assertive in writing to him. 

Also tiday I had cbt. At one point it was very triggering and I stated sobbing. We had to draw our monster thst keeps us from moving forward and letting go. I was going to draw a big black rock but I couldn't put pencil to paper. I walked out so triggered thst I was sobbing outside. Went back in to try sgsin but just got worse. So I walked out agsin. The psychologist came out and I told him I want to go home. Told him I couldn't do the drawing as it brought huge triggering memories bsvk and I ended up going home. 
he called me this afternoon to see how I was. I told him I feel silly and that the group will now judge me. He told me thst the group were concerned fir me and they will be happy to see me next week. 
I'm going back next Wednesday. 
see how I go. At least I tried. 

[Former-Member]

Thats all right @BlueBay  ... you were reaching out for support and understanding .. and thats what here is meant for.

I am pleased that you ended up falling asleep from exhaustion (no doubt).

I just read (and commented) on your new job thread.  I am so very happy for you @BlueBay , and very proud also.  The new job sounds perfect ... location, days, hours, etc. And in a bakery!  Even better. 😊

Given the new job situation, its also fantastic that you have been assertive and got your psych on board about going off the temporary meds.  

Your CBT course sounds pretty rugged, but you got there, and thats pretty major.  I'm also very pleased that the psychologist running the course bothered to phone and check on you this arvo.  Will you still be able to do the course once you start your new job?  Hope so, as it sounds like it is beneficial.

Are you breathing a big sigh of relief right now?  No longer needing to worry so much about not having a job and finances dwindling by the day, must take a huge weight off your shoulders.  Proud of you @BlueBay  💖

Sherry

[BlueBay]

Sorry @Former-Member  i didn't reply to you. 
I was very grateful thst he called me lster. It's very confronting when I had to draw my monster. I just couldn't draw. Each time I tried I cried so much. I was scared. I was on edge. 

Last night there was my farewell dinner. I wasn't going to go. But I did. I was surprised that I was given nothing. No present no card. 
I am sad because everytime a staff member left we had dinner snd they hit a gift and a signed card. 
I got nothing. I guess it hurts because I was at thst store fir 5 1/2 years. 
we had a farewell dinner for a girl who was there for not even a year snd she received a gift. 
I feel like I wasn't worthy. I feel I validated. I feel a little angry. I feel like I wasn't important to them. 

Anyway I'm not there anymore. 
@Angels333 @Molliex @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Maggie @Gazza75 

[Zoe7]

So sorry to hear that @BlueBay You certainly deserved so much more from being there so long ...really sad for you