Lived Experience Forum

[Ellie]

Please forgive me if I don't join in many discussions or at least add too much to any I do participate in. I'm not in a good place right now and really don't feel like talking. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and not sure where to go. My support bases seem to be crumbling, but it's all my own fault. I hate this disorder! BPD destroys soooo much!! Wiil try to keep up with the conversations, but I'm so low on energy right now that all I want to do is go and sleep for a week.

Ellie.

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Ellie, that sounds really tough re support bases crumbling..um I know you don't feel like talking but are you up to writing?
Is there anything we can do to support you in the meantime?
Here's a virtual hug, and please try not to blame yourself..we are here, we are listening, reading and we care! This support base ain't going to crumble on you @Ellie..you are a much valued member, and you have written so eloquently... And supported so many of us...

[NikNik]

Hi @Ellie 

I'm terribly sorry to hear things aren't going well at the moment. You don't need to ask for forgiveness by any means. We respect everyone's choice to participate or not participate.

Sometimes these forums can be helpful when going through a tough time. You can connect with people, recieve encouragement and support and sometimes offering advice and support back can be rewarding.

However, we completely understand that there are some heavy things in this forums and sometimes people need space to care for & focus on, themselves.

It's great that you have recognised what's best for you. We'll always be here if you need us 🙂

I am concerned that you feel your support system is crumbling. Some support that is always around are the following:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or crisis chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Salvos care line: 1300 36 36 22

Sometimes just talking to someone who is objective and you can speak candidly with, is really helpful. Please do call one of those numbers if you feel like you have no one to turn to (or even if you do, it won't hurt to contact them anyways!)

Please take care.

[kato]

@Ellie 

you most certainly don't need to apologise, it is difficult when it feels like this, i know, i seem to go there on a pretty standard occasion myself...... if only i could get frequent flyer points for it lol

Sorry, i make jokes sometimes, i mean no offence, you may not realise it, but you have a pretty solid support network here of many peers who have been in similar times, or similar expierences, and as niknik also wrote there are the helpline numbers, some of the people are really great to just have a chat with, i have used them a couple of times, once when i was quite manic, and i was having a great ole chat with an irish guy, we had some laughs and i felt a bit better.

But also don't forget you may not realise that the support you offer on here has been amazing, i have always read what you have posted with admiration really, i find so much strength from so many members here, and sometimes we forget that we also have that strength.

as Sandy suggested, maybe if you feel up to writing a bit, about what is going on, i know it helps me when i get askew and find myself lost, i write here, and realise that i am not as lost as i thought, and with sharing it helps, only if you are up to it of course

[Ellie]

I just noticed in my inbox that some of you had replied to my post, so I took the time to come look at those replies and I'm completely blown away. How can I ever thank you for the support you've shown! There's no way! If I knew you personally, I'd just want to wrap my arms around you and cry, but not tears of sorrow, but rather tears of joy that can only come from a heart that knows there are actually people out there who care.

Of course, I now have very mixed emotions. I'm still suffering from the things going on in my life right now, but overjoyed at the same time that people like you on this forum can care so much about a virtual stranger. Thanks you so much!!

I still haven't figured out how I can feel terrible and wonderful at the same time?? I can also feel love and hate at the same time, depressed and elated....... maybe it's a BPD thing, but at least you've brightened my evening. I'll try and explain more when I feel up to it.

May you all experience the peace you desire,

Ellie.

[kristin]

Dear @Ellie 

Please don't apologise - we all go through times when we have too much going on for us, and feel the need to back off a bit (in face-to-face or online friendships). It is something I need to do when I am a bit too manic or gettting very depressed. Let me assure you though the hugs we share may be virtual ones , the friendships are real. Yes we really do care, and it is good to hear you are trying to do what is best for you at the moment. This is so important when we are really struggling. Feel free to blurt your feelings on the forum if it helps process what is going on, or to avoid it if that is what helps most. Thanks so much for keeping us in the loop, we can keep you in our thoughts and prayers trusting that you will be back in touch when that is what you feel up to.

Hope endures...

Take care of you

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[Rick]

@Ellie 

Hi Ellie,

I don't think I need to repeat what the others have said. I agree with them.

I know to the desire to pull away when things turn to a four letter word meaning manure.

When we feel isolated we are compelled to isolate ourselves even more. This is a form of self flagellation that we can little afford.

I won't tell you to do something you don't want to, but for your own sake at least read from the forum. Accept the support given and use it to bolster your sagging resources. Just read.............

You are an incredibly supportive person here. You go out of your way to give a kind word and to let folk know they are not alone.

You deserve the same in return. If I was manipulative I would say perhaps that the people who want to support you also need to support you and perhaps it would be a good thing to accept at least from that point of view.....

But I'm not manipulative so I won't say that...........

Please consider reading and accepting

You will be in my prayers

Hope continues to endure

Rick 

[peace]

@Ellie I don't have any wise words but my heart feels for you. I pray that there may be some peace within you. Oh and I fully understand the dual emotions thingy. The one I experience most is the 'bitter sweet'.

[Ellie]

I'd just like to say that I'm not really back "there" yet and am still struggling, but better than I was even a week ago. I'd just like to thank all those who offered words of support. I'll get back to posting soon.
Kind regards,
Ellie.